Ryan needs help
by storymom
Summary: OK - so I added an epilogue to tie it all up, and now it's the end. And I still own nothing having to do with the OC.
1. Default Chapter

Its been such a long day, a long week, hell a long month, thought Sandy, as he stood at the kitchen window, watching Ryan sit quietly in a chair in front of the pool house, in the dark. Ryan had been right all along about Oliver Trask. He was crazy, and after holding Marissa at gunpoint, before turning the gun on himself, finally proved it. But unlike Oliver's life, and his problems, Sandy was afraid this wasn't over. Not for Ryan. Not for any of them. He knew he had to try to reach Ryan, and he knew this was probably the last time he would get the chance.  
  
Ryan was too deep in his thoughts to notice Sandy walk up to him, which was probably a good thing. Otherwise, Ryan may have tried to retreat again. Tell Sandy he was fine, and disappear.  
  
"Hay, what are you doing?" Sandy asked as he slowly made his way over to Ryan.  
  
"Nothing, I'm not going any where or doing any thing. OK?" Ryan still had such an edge to his voice. He had been waiting for one of them to apologize. Tell him he was no longer grounded since he was right about Oliver the whole time.  
  
"Yah, well, I can see that. So what are you doing?" Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan just shrugged, "Nothing. I was just thinking."  
  
As Sandy sat down next to Ryan, he asked, "About what - world peace? The fate of Social Security?"  
  
Ryan just shrugged again, "Yah, something like that."  
  
"Well," said Sandy, "Why don't you tell me about it."  
  
Ryan just signed, "Really, it's nothing."  
  
Ok, time to talk, Sandy thought. "Come on Ryan. I know you've got a lot to sort through. It's been a pretty miserable time for you. I would imagine part of you must feel vindicated that your suspicions about Oliver were correct. But part of you must also feel sick, sad about what happened. You can talk about it, if you want."  
  
Ryan snorted, "Talk? I tried talking. No one would listen to me. Not Marissa or Seth or You and Kirsten. What good is talking if no one will listen!"  
  
"Ryan, you didn't tell us one half of what went on with Oliver! But we still believed you! I told you before that we knew he was troubled." Sandy answered.  
  
"Then why were you so pissed? If you really believed me.. Oh, never mind." Ryan was quickly getting too tired for this.  
  
But Sandy wasn't. He knew they had to work this out. "If I really believed you, what? Come on Ryan, if I really believed you then WHAT?"  
  
Ryan, getting angry now, shot back, "If you really believed me, then you would have understood why I did what I did!"  
  
"Understood? Understood breaking and entering. Understood assault. Understood your possible expulsion from school. I'm sorry Ryan, I still don't understand. Yah, I knew Oliver was trouble, because you told me he was and I believed you. But I was so pissed, as you put it, because I know that you aren't trouble. Yet everything you did was wrong. Maybe you thought your reasons seemed right to you, but they weren't. They were wrong, and they were stupid." Sandy paused before leaning closer to Ryan. "Ryan, you're so quick to jump in to help someone that you never take the time to think of the consequences. You want so badly to help, but you won't take the time to help yourself, or even ask for help. You didn't tell us Oliver was troubled until after you broke into the file room. I didn't find out until today about Oliver's fake suicide attempt, the imaginary girlfriend, or any of the other crap, and I never heard it from you. I'm hearing it now, from Seth."  
  
Ryan just snorted, "Lot of good it did telling Seth. He still sided with Oliver."  
  
Sandy softened a little at this, "Ryan, he never sided with Oliver. All Seth knew was that he saw you saying and doing things that scared him. He was afraid of losing you as a friend, and as a brother. I know you think he didn't have your back, but right now, I kind of think he's feeling the same way. Listen, I can't speak for Seth, but I think the two of you should really talk. You're too important to each other not to."  
  
Ryan actually nodded slightly at this before continuing. "Yah, well, what about Marissa. I was supposed to be important to her, too. She said she loved me, and yet she chose Oliver over me again and again."  
  
"I can't speak for Marissa, either. I really don't know what she was thinking. Maybe she thought she could help Oliver. I don't know." Sandy paused, again, before continuing. "But since we're talking about Marissa, I really want to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with me."  
  
Ryan sat straight up, "What?"  
  
Sandy looked directly into Ryan's eyes, and asked, "Do you really believe that you and Marissa belong together, that you're good together. I know you're both only 16, but do you really think you are made for each other."  
  
Ryan shot back, "Why, because she's too good for me?!"  
  
"Actually, no, Ryan, I was thinking because you're too good for her." Sandy could see the shock in Ryan's face when he said it, so he continued, "Kirsten and I have been really worried about your relationship with Marissa for some time now. All she's put you through since you've met her just doesn't seem right. We know about it all Ryan - the problems she caused between you and Luke, the overdose in Mexico, asking you to break her out of the hospital, the shop lifting, the open container of alcohol in the car. And now with everything with Oliver. All she expected, demanded from you without even considering how you felt. I'm sorry, son, but it's just not right. I know you love her, and obviously you would do anything for her, but at what cost? At what point will it be enough? You can't save Marissa until Marissa is ready to save herself. As sorry as I am to see you so hurt by the break up, I'm not sorry to see it happen. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love you the way you love them."  
  
This revelation from Sandy hit Ryan hard. "I just don't know anymore," Ryan whispered, "I just can't sort it all out. It's just too much. It's gotten way too complicated."  
  
Sandy knew, but asked any way, "What? What's too complicated?"  
  
Ryan finally admitted, "My life, Marissa, Seth, You, Kirsten. This whole Newport way of living - it's just. I don't know. Hard. Too Hard."  
  
Sandy knew he had to approach this carefully, "Um, well, do you think it would help if you talked to someone. To help you sort everything out. Maybe help you get some perspective, some understanding."  
  
Ryan didn't get it, though, "What do you mean. Like you or Kirsten?"  
  
"No. I mean, yah, I want you to know that you can always talk to Kirsten and me. About anything. We will always be there for you. But well, we were also thinking that maybe talking to someone better trained. Someone impartial would be good for you." Sandy knew that Ryan understood what he meant. He could see it register in Ryan's eyes.  
  
"You mean a shrink? You still think I'm nuts. Great, just great. Thanks but no thanks. I'm fine. I don't need some shrink. You guys may think there's something wrong with me but." Suddenly Ryan was shouting, "Terrific. I can't believe this. You come out here, telling me you want to talk. Meanwhile, the whole time you think I'm some kind of nut job. Right up there with Oliver Trask, is that it?"  
  
Sandy answered back, hoping to calm Ryan down. "First of all, do not raise your voice at me. And secondly, no, I don't think you're crazy, or that there's something wrong with you or that you're anything remotely like Oliver Trask. But Ryan, you have been through a lot. And I don't mean just this whole Oliver mess. I mean this entire year. Everything in your life has changed. Nothing is the same in your life, and you have had to make a lot of adjustments. There is nothing wrong with speaking with a therapist to help you come to terms with your new life. You encouraged Marissa to see a therapist why is it so wrong for you, too?"  
  
Ryan thought for a minute and then answered, "My life changed for the better, her's got worse." It wasn't much of an answer, but Ryan hoped it would be good enough. It wasn't, not for Sandy.  
  
"But at least the people in her life stayed the same. She's still here with the same people, in the same town. Only the circumstances of her life changed. Everything in your life changed. The people, the places, everything, and you need help accepting it all." Sandy decided on another approach, "Alright, let me put it to you this way.. Ryan, tell me about your family."  
  
That wasn't what Ryan expected. "Huh? What? I don't get it. You know about my family."  
  
"Just do it. Tell me about your family." Sandy answered.  
  
Ryan just shrugged, not sure where this was going. "Fine. My father is in prison for armed robbery. I haven't seen him in years. I don't even know when or if he'll get out. My mother. Well, you've had the pleasure of meeting her. She's. she's a train wreck. My brother is also in jail, and he's also kind of a train wreck. Ok? That's my loving family."  
  
Sandy asked, "And now?"  
  
"And now what? Now I live with my lawyer and his family." Ryan answered.  
  
Sandy knew it, but was still hurt. "Ok, well now I'm going to tell you about my family. I have a beautiful wife. She's kind, considerate, loving, hard working, driven, and I totally adore her. I also have two boys. I have a son named Seth who is quick witted, funny, charming, but a little spoiled and a little self-absorbed. He's not very athletic, but very sweet, and well, honestly, a little nerdy. My other son is Ryan. He's also very quick-witted, but very quiet. He's thoughtful, considerate, caring, and very athletic. But he's also insecure and unsure. He doesn't trust and tends to act impulsively. He also has a quick temper, but a huge heart. And I love both my sons as much as I love my wife." Sandy paused, letting the full weight of what he said sink in. "Don't you see, Ryan? That's why we'd like you to talk to someone. Not that you're crazy, or that we think there's something wrong with you, but because to us, you're as much our son as Seth, but only if you'd let us. We want to be your family, your parents, and Seth wants to be your brother. But you won't let us in. To us, you're family. But to you, we're your lawyer and his family. And we don't know how to change that." Sandy could see that this all hit Ryan, and hit him hard. He figured it would be best to let it go at that, so he told Ryan, "Well, I'm going to bed now. I think you should, too. The disciplinary committee is meeting tomorrow right after school, and we all need a good night's sleep. Just think about what I said. OK? Good night, kid. We love you."  
  
An hour later, Sandy found Kirsten staring out the kitchen window. Without turning away, she said to Sandy, "He's still sitting out there. Shouldn't one of us go out there?"  
  
Sandy put his arms around Kirsten, "No. Give him some time. Maybe he finally heard what I said."  
  
Kirsten turned to face Sandy, "Exactly what did you say to him?"  
  
Sandy signed, "God. Hopefully, all the right things." 


	2. The Disciplinary Committee

Dr. Schwartz spoke after everyone entered the room, "Good afternoon everyone. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone present that we are here to decide an appropriate punishment for Ryan Atwood. He's before us today, according to the reports, for breaking into the file room at night to look at another student's personal file. Additionally, two days later Ryan is accused of attacking that same student in the student center. He has been serving after school detention every day since the first incident. Ryan, do you understand everything I have said?"  
  
Ryan stood to answer, "Yes."  
  
"Do you further understand that you could be suspended from school for both the break in and the fighting? And that said suspension could be as long as 15 days?" Dr. Schwartz asked.  
  
"Yes." Ryan was unwavering in his answer. Let's just get this over with, he thought.  
  
Dr. Schwartz then continued, "Do you also understand that due to the seriousness of these incidents, that we could vote to expel you from Harbor?"  
  
"Yes." Ryan nodded as he answered.  
  
"Well, then Ryan," asked Dr. Schwartz, "Is there anything you'd like to say on your behalf before the committee meets, and decides what course of action to take."  
  
Ryan wasn't expecting to be allowed to say anything. "Um, yah. I guess. First of all, I'm sorry. I know I say that. a lot, but I am. I'm still new here. I'm still trying to figure it all out. There is no excuse for what I did. I know that now. I wasn't thinking. But to come from where I came from, having nothing or no one. Well, I'm not used to having people who care about me, and I thought I was losing it all, and I was desperate. Desperate to do something about it. To stop it from happening. I know that's no excuse for breaking into the file room or for attacking Oliver Trask, and again, I'm sorry. To the members of this committee, to Dr. Kim and to the students here at Harbor. But most of all, I'm sorry for what this has all done to my. to my parents. I've put them through so much, and I am so sorry. I really want to stay here at Harbor. I don't want to be expelled, but I accept whatever punishment you decide because I know I deserve it. Thank you."  
  
Ryan continued to stand, looking Dr. Schwartz in the eyes, and desperately trying to avoid looking at Sandy and Kirsten.  
  
Dr. Schwartz shuffled the papers in front of him before commenting. "Thank you, Ryan. We'll take your words into consideration, along with Dr. Kim's recommendation, your grades and prior behavior, the recommendations from your teachers and your coach as well as the letters from your friends and family."  
  
Ryan was curious, "Um, letters?"  
  
"Yes. We have letters of support from Marissa Cooper, Luke Ward, Summer Roberts, Anna Stern and your brother" answered Dr. Schwartz. "My brother?" Ryan was confused.  
  
Dr. Schwartz finally caught onto Ryan's confusion. There were actually people out there who really support and loved this kid, but Ryan wasn't able to see it for some reason. "Actually, Ryan, I'd like to read this letter from Seth, if you don't mind" Dr. Schwartz looked at Ryan and then began to read:  
  
Dear Disciplinary Committee,  
  
Hello, my name is Seth Cohen, and I am Ryan's brother. I wish I could say I was also his best friend, but I can't. If I had been his best friend, I would have been there when he needed me. I would have listened to him, supported him and tried to help him when he tried to tell me about Oliver. But I didn't. None of us did, and now Ryan is in a lot of trouble. Maybe what he did wasn't right, but he was right about Oliver. If only we had listened, none of this would have happened.  
  
Please don't expel Ryan from Harbor. He didn't fail us. We failed him.  
Very truly yours,  
Seth Cohen.  
  
The full weight of it all came crashing down on Ryan at that point, and he just sat with his head in his hands. Slowly and gently Kirsten began to rub his back and tell him every thing would be ok. Dr. Schwartz gave them a few minutes before excusing them, "Ok, Mr. And Mrs. Cohen, Ryan. If you don't mind, we'd like to review all of the information provided to us before reaching our decision. If you could, please wait outside. We will notify you when we are done."  
  
Sandy spoke first when they all got outside, "Well, no matter what their decision is, Ryan, we just want you to know that we're very proud of you and how you handled yourself in there."  
  
Ryan was still clearly upset, "I, uh, thanks."  
  
Kirsten put her arm around Ryan's shoulder, "Are you ok sweetie? I know this is all overwhelming, but I also know that everything will work out."  
  
"I just don't know how much more of this I can handle." Ryan really felt like he needed to sit down, and sat on the bench outside the doorway.  
  
Sandy sat down next to him, and patted his knee. "Well, we'll all get through this together, as a family. I promise."  
  
As they all sat, waiting for the committee to reach their decision, Dr. Kim approached them, "Well, Ryan, I must say I'm very impressed by your speech. It was well thought out and compassionate."  
  
Ryan really disliked this woman and was tired of trying to hide it. "Yah, not too bad for someone so unstable."  
  
Dr. Kim was taken back, "Now Ryan."  
  
Kirsten looked at Dr. Kim and then at Ryan, "Unstable? Who said you were unstable?"  
  
Ryan never took his eyes off Dr. Kim, "Dr. Kim told Marissa that I was unstable and that Marissa should rethink her relationship with me because of what happened."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy both turned to Dr. Kim before Kirsten went on, "You discussed Ryan's personal business with another student. You had no right."  
  
Dr. Kim interrupted, "I only did what I thought was best.."  
  
By now Kirsten was getting angry, really angry, "For who? For you, for the school? Definitely not for Ryan. Where to do get off calling my son unstable. Ryan was the only sane person in this whole mess. He was the only one who saw through Oliver's mega bucks and slick ways to see a very troubled young man. And you have the nerve to call him unstable and to another student no less. Just because Ryan wasn't born with a silver coke spoon in his mouth the way Oliver was doesn't give you the right to treat him with any less respect. Maybe he wasn't born into a world of wealth and privilege, but he has one now, and I can promise you he has the full backing and support of both of us. My son, unstable. I can't believe this. And to Marissa Cooper, no less. Miss Stability, herself."  
  
Dr. Kim attempted to respond, "Now Kirsten."  
  
But Kirsten wasn't done, not yet. "That's Mrs. Cohen to you. I promise you this Dr. Kim, regardless of how to disciplinary committee votes in the case against Ryan, I will not let this matter drop. I will be bringing this up to the board. Your behavior was unethical, unprofessional and I would harbor a guess, illegal, and I will not let it drop. I do not want you to ever discuss either one of my sons to anyone, ever again. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Dr. Kim was truly taken back at Kirsten's wrath. She looked at a very angry Kirsten, an equally angered Sandy and a very taken back Ryan. "I apologize for upsetting you. I just did what I thought was best. Just as you will do what you feel is best. However, maybe we could discuss this matter at a later date. And for the record, I voted not to have Ryan expelled from Harbor. Good day."  
  
With that, Dr. Kim made a very hasty retreat. Kirsten was still very mad and turned to Ryan, "Why didn't you tell us that Dr. Kim talked to Marissa about you and called you unstable?"  
  
Ryan, who was still in shock at what Kirsten had said just kind of stammered, "I don't know. I just kind of figured you guys were probably agreeing with her at that point. It didn't seem that important."  
  
Apparently this was not what Kirsten wanted to hear. She pointed her finger at Ryan, and said, " From now on, you are to come to us with stuff like this. I don't want to hear it later one and from someone else. I want it to come from you and when it happens. Do you understand?!?" Ryan just nodded. "I mean it Ryan. I'm tired of hearing about what's going on in your life from everyone but you. Got it?!"  
  
Ryan could see that Kirsten wanted an answer, and she wanted it now. "Um, yah. I mean, yes, ma'am. I got it."  
  
Just then the door to opened and one of the committee members came out announcing that the committee reached their decision. It didn't take them long to decide I wasn't right for Harbor, Ryan thought.  
  
As they all entered, Dr. Schwartz spoke, "Thank you for waiting Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, Ryan, please have a seat. Ok, well, after carefully considering all the evidence, documentation and recommendations, in addition to the extenuating circumstances surrounding Mr. Trask, the committee has concluded that Ryan will be suspended from Harbor for a period of one week. Upon returning to school, Ryan will serve an additional two weeks of detention." Dr. Schwartz paused and then continued, "Ryan, you are getting another chance here at Harbor. Do not blow it. If for any reason, you are brought up before this committee again, expulsion will be a real possibility."  
  
Ryan couldn't believe the weight that was immediately lifted off his shoulders. "Yes, sir. Thank you. Thank you, all. I promise, no more trouble." 


	3. Home

Ryan was quiet on the ride home. Luckily, so were Sandy and Kirsten. Everyone was drained from the day's events, and just looking forward to being home.  
  
As they walked into the kitchen, a very anxious Seth met them, "About time!! What happened? Dude, tell me, are you still a Pirate?"  
  
Ryan couldn't help but smile. Only Seth would put it in that way. "Yah. Suspended for a week and then another two weeks of detention."  
  
Seth was shocked; "I can't believe they would still suspend you after everything that happened with Oliver."  
  
Ryan just shrugged, "Well, I still broke into the file room. I still took his file, and I still attacked him in the student center. I'd say I was pretty lucky to get away with only a weeks suspension."  
  
Seth, realizing Ryan was resolved with what had happened just added, "Still. I don't know. Somehow it still doesn't seem to be fair."  
  
Again, Ryan just shrugged. He wanted to put this all behind him, but knew that there was still more talking to do, as usual. "It's really ok, Seth. Its not like it's the first time I've been suspended..."  
  
That was about as far as he was able to get before Kirsten spoke up. "But it will be your last time." When Ryan turned to her, she continued, "Ryan, We mean it. This will be your last time."  
  
Before Ryan could answer, Sandy decided it was time to drive that point home, "And just so you understand that we mean it when we say this is to be the last time, as long as you are suspended, you are still grounded. No going out, no phone, no car, no play station. No extras. Whatever chores we need or want you to do, you will do. Also, we don't want you to think that you have this upcoming week off, so instead of staying home alone during the day, you will come with one of us to work, everyday, all week. Do you understand?"  
  
First Ryan nodded, and then he said, "Yes. I got it. I promise."  
  
Sandy looked at Kirsten and then at Seth and then back to Ryan, "Ok, then enough said. Why don't you go change. You can make dinner tonight."  
  
Ryan quickly left, thankful that was over with, and wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be. Seth looked at Sandy, who nodded to him to follow after Ryan. He hoped that they would get a chance to talk, and he wanted a chance to talk to Kirsten alone. After Seth left, Sandy turned to Kirsten, "Well, that went much better then I thought it would. Ryan seems better then I thought he would be, all things considering."  
  
Kirsten agreed, "Yes, but has he said anything yet about therapy?"  
  
As Sandy shook his head, he said, "No, not yet. I thought maybe I'd give him a little time to wrap his head around all of this before I bring it up again. Let him serve out his suspension, and once he gets back into Harbor, we'll discuss it again."  
  
"So you are going to bring it up again? I mean he seems better already, and he will be spending an awful lot of time with both of us this week. It'll definitely help him.." Kirsten still wanted to believe that they could help Ryan. They could be the ones to make him understand.  
  
But Sandy knew better. "It'll help. But it's not enough. Kirsten, he needs help. He needs to be able to put his past behind him and accept this as his new life and us as his family. He needs to learn to trust us. Until he does, he will continue to see us as his lawyer and his lawyer's family. He also needs to get a handle on his temper. He still has a lot of pent up anger, and he needs to learn how to control it."  
  
Kirsten just slighted nodded, "I know you're right. I just don't want him to think we've given up on him. That we can't handle him, and that we think any less of him."  
  
Sandy felt the same way, but told Kirsten, "He won't. I think when its all said and done, it'll make us all a stronger, better family."  
  
Seth followed Ryan out to the pool house, hoping for a chance to talk to him, but still pretty worried about what Ryan might have to say. He and Ryan hadn't had much time to talk since everything happened at Oliver's that night, so he still wasn't sure exactly what Ryan thought of him, or the fact Seth failed him so miserably. "Well, I guess this is almost done. I mean the parentals don't seem quite so pissed now. The week should go by pretty quick, right? Then it'll be Valentine's Day. Maybe you and Marissa could work things out by then. I mean, it's a real romantic time. Perfect for making up, right?"  
  
Ryan thought about it for a minute as he pulled on his tee shirt. "Yah, I guess, except I don't know if we'll make up. I mean, I don't know if I want to make up. I mean, I still love her and all, or at least I think I love her. But she - she's probably more then I can handle at this time. How can I just forget everything that happened. Everything I did, said, and she choose Oliver time and time again. How can I just forget that?"  
  
Seth looked down at his feet, and then back up at Ryan, "Are you talking about just Marissa, or does that include all of us? Will you ever get over being mad at me, too?"  
  
Ryan quickly replied, "I'm not mad."  
  
Seth was actually surprised by the quickness of Ryan's answer, and knew it probably wasn't true.  
  
"Well, you should be. I didn't have your back at all, man and I'm sorry. I know I didn't see what you saw, but I still should have listened. I should have believed you. I was so wrapped up with Anna and Summer, that I couldn't see that you needed me, and I'm sorry."  
  
Ryan just signed. "Look, Seth. We can't change what happened. Its over. It's done with. Now let's just forget it."  
  
"I can't just forget it and neither can you, Ryan. I promise you this, though, next time you tell me someone is "off", I promise, I'll listen." Seth had hoped this would be enough, or at least a start towards rebuilding his friendship with Ryan.  
  
But Ryan just joked. "Next time? God, how many people like Oliver are there in Newport? I thought this was supposed to be some kind of swank, upscale, exclusive community.?"  
  
Seth, for once, wasn't in the mood to joke, so he wasn't amused. "Funny. Very funny. I'm just saying that from now on I will try to be a better friend."  
  
"Hum. A better friend? But according to your letter to the Disciplinary Committee, I thought you were my brother." Ryan continued to joke. He felt better. He knew what Seth was trying to say. He just said it better in his letter. Seeing that Seth still wasn't ready to let himself off the hook, Ryan continued, " Seriously, Seth. It's cool. I'm fine. I'd rather stop talking about this already. Let's just try to forget it, and put it all behind us. I'm all talked out at this point."  
  
Seth finally lightened up on himself, seeing that Ryan actually meant what he was saying. So he decided to change the subject to one he was curious about. Curious to see what Ryan thought. "But, um, bro? I'd hate to tell you this, but I doubt seriously that you're done talking about this."  
  
Suddenly, Ryan was no longer in a joking mood. "I'm not seeing a therapist" he hissed.  
  
Seth just shrugged and said, "I don't think you'll have a choice."  
  
Ryan hissed again, "Wanna bet."  
  
Seth started, "Ryan." Seth wanted to tell Ryan that he thought it was a good idea, but seeing the quick change in Ryan's mood made him realize it wasn't a good idea to tell him. Not right now.  
  
Ryan just started out the door. "Not doing this, Seth. Look, I got a dinner to cook. But thanks. For your letter. It was. Great." 


	4. Theresa calls

Seth was right about one thing. The week didn't seem like it was going to be so bad, Ryan thought. Sandy had made him work at the Lighthouse both Saturday and Sunday, since Ryan had "worked construction" for a couple of summers. Ryan knew that Sandy just wanted to keep him close, and since Sandy was at the restaurant for the weekend, so was Ryan. Unfortunately, on Monday, Ryan had to spend the day at the law firm with Sandy, and he hated it. It just seemed so incredibly boring. He didn't know how Sandy dealt with the same crap day in and day out. If he had any thoughts about being a lawyer, they were quickly forgotten in only one day.  
  
On Tuesday, he went to work with Kirsten at the Newport Group. Despite Caleb being there, and his snide comments about what he'd do with Ryan if Ryan were his son, he really enjoyed it. Kirsten spent a great deal of time explaining to him what she did, and showing him around. It stirred up all his interests in architecture again, so he asked a lot of questions. And Kirsten was willing to answer them all, or find someone who could answer them for her. Ryan got to meet with builders and architects and ask them questions, too. Ryan was disappointed when the workday was done, and it was time to go home. Especially when he realized that it meant he would be spending Wednesday at the law firm.  
  
Over dinner that night, Ryan tried to come up with a reason why he really should go to the Newport Group with Kirsten on Wednesday. He was worried that if they realized how much he had enjoyed himself there and how much he hated the law firm, they'd make him go to the law firm for the rest of the week. Really drive home that you're punished, you're not supposed to be having a good time theme.  
  
Sandy was actually the one, who brought it up first,  
  
"So, Ryan. How was the Newport Group? I hope you were able to stay awake a little longer for Kirsten then you were for me."  
  
"Very funny. I never fell asleep." Ryan answered.  
  
Sandy just joked, "Well, you would have if I let you!"  
  
Before Ryan had a chance to respond, Seth jumped in,  
  
"Come on, Dad, can you blame him. I mean eight straight hours of paper pushing lawyer-isms. Briefs, motions, complaints..." With that Seth put his head back and pretended to snore, "ZZZZZZZZZZ."  
  
Adding her two cents in, Kirsten said, "Huh. Gee, Sandy, Ryan didn't seem at all tired when he was with me today."  
  
Sandy tried to fake being hurt,  
  
"Nice. All of you. Thanks. It's just so nice to know that I'm just such a tremendous bore to my entire family!"  
  
Ryan joked, "Nah, not you. Just your job!"  
  
With that, Sandy clutched his chest and signed,  
  
"Oh, I see my dreams of The Law Offices of Cohen and Sons slowly fading away."  
  
Seth lost it at that point, "That's your dream??!! That's just.. So. Sad.!"  
  
Sandy waded up his napkin and threw it at Seth. He then turned to Ryan and said,  
  
"I take this means you would rather go to work with Kirsten tomorrow?"  
  
Ryan wasn't exactly sure how to answer. He figured saying "hell, yes!" probably wasn't the smartest idea, so he answered,  
  
"Um. I'll go where ever you tell me."  
  
Seth took Sandy's waded up napkin and threw it at Ryan,  
  
"Suck up," he said.  
  
"Yah, suck up." Sandy joked.  
  
Kirsten looked at Sandy and then Seth,  
  
"Both of you behave." She turned to Ryan and said,  
  
"If you'd rather come with me tomorrow, then that's fine Ryan. I really enjoyed having you work with me today. I don't see any reason you can't come with me the rest of the week."  
  
Ryan smiled and said,  
  
"Yah. I'd really like that. I just didn't think I had a choice."  
  
Before Sandy or Seth could answer, Kirsten said,  
  
"Why? Just because we don't want you home alone, doesn't mean you have to be forced to endure the endless mind-numbing hours of Sandy's job.."  
  
Before the joking could continue, however, the phone rang. Seth answered it,  
  
"Hello. Ah, yah, he's here. Who's calling? Who? Yah, hold on a sec."  
  
Seth turned to Sandy and said,  
  
"Dad, it's someone named Theresa. For Ryan. Can he..?" as he pointed the phone towards Ryan.  
  
"She's a friend of mine from Chino." Ryan answered, before Sandy could ask.  
  
Sandy looked at the phone, then looked at Kirsten and then to Ryan,  
  
"Yah, ok."  
  
Ryan took the phone from Seth and said, "Lo?" as he walked out of the kitchen and sat on the stairs.  
  
On the other end of the phone he heard a very familiar voice ask,  
  
"Is there any particular reason you need permission to talk on the phone?"  
  
Ryan laughed, "Not usually. But, well, it's a long story."  
  
Theresa was laughing, too,  
  
"Knowing you, Ry, I'd say it's probably a really long story."  
  
"Listen," she continued, "I'm going to be up your way this weekend. I was wondering if you wanted to get together Saturday night. You know, hang out, and catch up. Bring that girlfriend of yours.."  
  
Ryan interrupted, "She's not really my girlfriend anymore."  
  
"Then I take it this means you're free?" Theresa asked.  
  
Since Ryan really wasn't sure when he was allowed out, he just kind of hedged to Theresa,  
  
"I'm going to have to call you back, Theresa. I need to check on something first."  
  
"Check on something? I'm guessing this has something to do with asking permission to talk on the phone, right?" Theresa was never one to let Ryan get away with short answers.  
  
Ryan laughed. He knew it, too.  
  
"I never could put one over on you, Theresa, but yah, I've kinda been in a lot of trouble here, and I gotta check to make sure it's ok."  
  
Suddenly he heard Theresa laughing.  
  
"I can't believe it! You're grounded! That's so funny. So. what do you think? First time they've grounded you or what?"  
  
Ryan admitted,  
  
"Yah, first time, and it sucks!""  
  
Theresa stopped laughing and told him,  
  
"Well, Ry, welcome to the real world! It might suck, but it's better then the beatings you usually got. Look, call me back as soon as you're 'allowed'. I'd love to see you this weekend."  
  
Ryan returned the phone to its base and sat back down at the table. He looked over at Sandy and asked,  
  
"So listen, I was kind of wondering. since Friday is the last day I'm suspended, is it also the last day I'm not allowed out?"  
  
"I take it this has something to do with your friend from Chino?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Yah. She's going to be in the area this Saturday night, and wants to get together. I haven't seen her in a while and I was kind of hoping."  
  
Before Ryan could finish, Kirsten reminded him,  
  
"This Saturday is the Harbor School Valentine's Dance fundraiser."  
  
Ryan just shrugged, "I was figuring on skipping it."  
  
But Kirsten looked at him and told him,  
  
"Ryan, you can't skip it. It's a fundraiser for the athletic department, and you are one of Harbor's athletes. You're expected to attend."  
  
Sandy added, "Maybe you could bring Theresa with you."  
  
What he didn't add was so we can check her out.  
  
Ryan was quick to point out,  
  
"I can't bring Theresa. Marissa will be there. It would probably be better if I just skip the whole dance. I mean, I'm just coming off being suspended, going before the Disciplinary Committee. I just want to skip it."  
  
But Sandy was going to stand his ground. He knew why it was easy to keep Ryan grounded for this week. Ryan didn't want to go anywhere, because Ryan still didn't want to see anyone, namely Marissa.  
  
"Ryan," Sandy explained, "We made a commitment to attend this dance. All of the school's athletes and their families are expected to attend. And that means you. As of 3:00pm Friday afternoon, you will no longer be suspended from Harbor, which means you can attend the dance."  
  
Sandy continued, "Look, we know that you're probably concerned about running into Marissa, but you're going to see her anyway when you return to school on Monday. You can't continue to hide. You need to face her, face what happened, and decide what you want to do next."  
  
Ryan wasn't ready to talk about Marissa yet so he just asked,  
  
"So, no Theresa?"  
  
Sandy looked at Kirsten before he answered,  
  
"We'll make you a deal. You make an appearance at the Valentine's dance, stay a few hours and then meet up with your friend Theresa afterwards. Deal?"  
  
Ryan knew that Sandy's deal was the best he was going to get. If he wanted to see Theresa, he had to go to the dance, so he agreed,  
  
"Yah, I guess. Is it ok if I go call her back?"  
  
"Ok," Sandy responded, "Make it quick."  
  
They all watched Ryan as he took off to the pool house. Kirsten spoke first once she knew Ryan was gone,  
  
"Sandy, are you sure this is such a good idea. You were the one who was saying that Ryan needed to put his past behind him before he could move on.."  
  
Seth agreed,  
  
"Yah, Dad, how is letting him hang out with someone from Chino putting Chino behind him?"  
  
Sandy wasn't sure it was a good idea either, but tried to explain his reasons any way,  
  
"If we told Ryan that he couldn't see his friend from Chino, it would make him even more determined to see her. At least this girl is coming here to Newport, and we won't have to worry about Ryan trying to take off to Chino."  
  
When Sandy saw Kirsten and Seth still weren't convinced, he continued,  
  
"Look, we all agree that Ryan has been through a lot. Maybe seeing this girl will help him, or maybe not. I don't know. But I also don't know how much more help we can give Ryan on our own, and he still hasn't agreed to go for therapy."  
  
All Seth knew about Ryan's reaction to therapy was what he saw in the pool house the other night. He wasn't sure if his parents had approached him again, so he asked,  
  
"What has he said about it, though? I mean all he told me was that he wasn't going, and that was it. Have you talked to him again about it?"  
  
Sandy just signed. He knew they should have attempted to bring it up again, but they were enjoying the return of the Ryan they had all gotten to know and love. He was acting a lot like the old Ryan, the one from before Oliver came to town.  
  
He told Seth,  
  
"Your mom and I decided it would be better to let Ryan serve out his suspension and get back to school before we brought it up again. We both know that unless Ryan realizes that therapy is best thing for him, it's possible that we could alienate Ryan even further. We don't want that, but we know Ryan can't continue like this. None of us can."  
  
Before they could continue the discussion, however, Ryan came back into the kitchen. He was noticeably happier. He'd spend the next three days with Kirsten over at the Newport Group, and then it would be Saturday. On Saturday, he would see Theresa, and Theresa would help him figure it out. Ryan knew that as long as he had Theresa, he didn't need therapy, no matter what Sandy and Kirsten thought. They didn't know Theresa. He didn't know why he didn't think of her before, and he couldn't believe the luck that she called.  
  
Back in Chino, Theresa was also noticeably happier. She missed Ryan, but couldn't help but be really happy for him. Just talking to him over the phone and she knew. She knew he finally found a real home and a real family, and she couldn't wait to see it for herself. She was glad she called him after reading about the suicide of that kid in the newspaper. She had been worried. How could some rich kid who had everything handed to him his entire life be so screwed up? It made her really worried how Ryan was handling it. Now she would see for herself on Saturday. 


	5. Goodbye Marissa, Hello Theresa

Ryan enjoyed the rest of the week at the Newport Group with Kirsten, but still counted the days until Saturday.  
  
It was finally Saturday, but at the dance all Ryan could think was God, this sucks. A fund raising dance for the athletic department? Made no sense to Ryan. With all that tuition money, why would they still need a fundraiser? But Sandy and Kirsten made him come. He was an athlete at Harbor, and he needed to support his school, they said.  
  
Now he would have to see Marissa. He had been able to avoid her all week. Sandy and Kirsten made it easy. He was 'grounded'. He couldn't go anywhere or talk to anyone without Sandy or Kirsten's ok. He still had no idea what he was going to say to her. He didn't know how he felt. He had hoped to talk to Theresa first. She was always the one he could talk to, no matter what. And now she was coming, and Ryan couldn't wait.  
  
Ryan was so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he didn't see Marissa walk up to him.  
  
"Hi, how are you doing? How was your week? Seth said you were no longer grounded. I'm glad to see you."  
  
Ryan was trying to play it cool. He didn't really want to stand around and make small talk with her.  
  
"Well, Sandy and Kirsten made me come. You know, support my school, or something like that."  
  
Marissa hated how cold he was.  
  
"Yah, I'm also glad to hear that Harbor is still your school."  
  
Marissa signed, "Listen, can we just start over."  
  
Ryan was taken back. "Start over?"  
  
Marissa just nodded, and shrugged,  
  
"Yah. Hi, I'm Marissa. You go to Harbor, right?"  
  
As Marissa extended her hand to shake his, Ryan just shock his head, "Marissa.."  
  
But Marissa just continued,  
  
"What? Come on Ryan, please. Just try. Just try to start over."  
  
That's when Ryan realized it. He realized that Oliver had said the same thing to him, a number of times. Let's start over, let's start over, let's start over, Ryan could still hear Oliver's voice saying that.  
  
"Marissa, I can't. Not now. I just can't."  
  
Marissa knew she was about to cry. She pleaded with him,  
  
"Ryan. I am so sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you and I need you. Please."  
  
But it wasn't going to work with Ryan this time. Sandy's words replaced Oliver's in his head.  
  
"Marissa. I almost lost everything, and I did it all for you. And you didn't care. Everything I did and said, and it wasn't enough. It will never be enough. I can't help you any more Marissa. Not until you're willing to help yourself, and I need to start helping myself, too. Look, I gotta go. I'm meeting my friend Theresa, from Chino. I'll see you around."  
  
As Ryan turned and walked away from Marissa, he realized he felt good. It still hurt, but he knew he made the right decision. But now, he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He looked for Sandy, and found him by the bar.  
  
"Hay, Sandy. Can I go now? Have I supported Harbor enough for one night? Theresa should be here soon, and I'd like to take off."  
  
Sandy was surprised how calm Ryan seemed. He saw him talking to Marissa and was worried that Ryan would be really upset.  
  
"Yah, Ryan, sure, you can go now if you want.. I saw you talking to Marissa. How did it go? Are you ok?"  
  
Ryan shrugged, "Yah, I'm fine. It went. you know. Not good, but not bad."  
  
Sandy seemed satisfied by that little bit of information Ryan gave him. It wasn't much, but for Ryan, it said a lot.  
  
"Ok. Well, have a good time with your friend. Remember, not too late. Do you have your cell phone on you?"  
  
"Um, no, sorry, I forgot it."  
  
Ryan never could remember to grab it, even though he knew they wanted him to carry it, 'just in case.'  
  
Sandy reached into his pocket and took out his.  
  
"You've got to start carrying it with you, Ryan. That's why we gave it to you. Here take mine, and take this too" as he slipped $40 into Ryan's hand.  
  
Ryan immediately tried to return the money,  
  
"No, thanks, I don't need it."  
  
But Sandy cut him off,  
  
"Take it, Ryan. Show Theresa all the sights of Newport."  
  
Ryan shoved the money in his pocket. He figured he could just give it back later. It was easier then arguing with Sandy in the middle of the dance.  
  
"Thanks. See ya later."  
  
Ryan walked out the door, just in time to see Theresa pulling up in her car. He hopped in her car, and they were off. Ryan finally felt free. He was finally with someone who knew everything about him, and still liked him for what he was. He could now talk to someone as much, or as little, as he wanted. He knew Theresa would help him figure it all out. She always did.  
  
But as Ryan and Theresa walked along the pier, they just made small talk. About ice cream and car washes. It suddenly felt weird to Ryan to be with Theresa, and he wasn't sure why. Theresa must have felt it, too, because suddenly she stopped walking and looked directly at Ryan,  
  
"Ok - Ry, out with it."  
  
Ryan had forgotten how straight forward Theresa could be.  
  
"Out with what?"  
  
Theresa waved her hand in front of Ryan's face.  
  
"Out with everything. Everything you're keeping bottled up inside you. Everything that's making you so miserable."  
  
So Ryan told her. Everything. Marissa, Oliver, Luke, the Cohens, the therapist, Harbor. Everything. The past seven months of his life just spilled out. It had been a really, really long time since Ryan had talked that much, and Theresa listened. She only interrupted every so often to ask him to clarify something. Finally, he admitted something that he had been thinking for a while now. That he didn't know if he belonged in Newport. He wasn't sure if he would ever fit in, or if he wanted to fit in. He also wondered if he wouldn't just be better off back in Chino.  
  
Then it was Theresa's turn to talk, and she did. And she was honest.  
  
"Better off in Chino? You're joking, right? Better off watching your mother get high, drunk? Beat you? Better off watching your brother screw up, and beat on you, too. Wonder who your mother will be bringing into her house, and wonder if he, too, will beat on you. Ryan, you don't belong in Chino. You never did. You deserve better, and now you have it. You have a chance, with good people. You may not believe it, but you fit in here. This is where you belong, if you just give it, and the Cohens a chance. I can tell that you something to them, and I've never even met them. And honestly Ryan, I don't think you seeing a therapist is such a bad idea. You've had a miserable life up until this point, so you're not used to having anything good. It's really playing with your mind. Talking to someone will help. A lot."  
  
When Ryan didn't answer her, Theresa knew he heard what she said and was thinking.  
  
"Come one," she said, "Let's go. I still have a long drive back to Chino. I'll drop you off at home, and then take off."  
  
Once they got back to the Cohen's house, Ryan invited Theresa in for some coffee before her drive back to Chino. As they sat in the kitchen, Sandy walked in.  
  
"Hay, kid. You're earlier then I thought. I guess the sites of Newport really don't take that long."  
  
Turning to Theresa, he said, "Hi, you must be Theresa. Sandy Cohen. It's nice to meet you."  
  
Theresa was impressed by how friendly this Sandy Cohen guy seemed to be.  
  
"Hi, Mr. Cohen. It's nice to meet you, too."  
  
Turning to Ryan, she said,  
  
"Listen, Ry, I better go. It's getting late, and it's still going to take like two hours to get home.."  
  
Sandy offered,  
  
"You know, Theresa, if you're tired, you're welcome to spend the night. You can stay in the guest room, and this way, you'll get a fresh start in the morning."  
  
Theresa was a little surprised at the offer. Mr. Cohen didn't know her at all, and yet offered to let her stay the night.  
  
"No, really, I don't want to put you out."  
  
Sandy offered again,  
  
"You're not putting us out. It's a guest room, you're a guest. Actually, I'd feel better knowing that you weren't out driving this late at night."  
  
He hoped that would put her mind to ease. And it did.  
  
Theresa just looked at Ryan, who shrugged.  
  
"Well, ok. Thank you. Let me just call my mother."  
  
Ryan handed her the phone, and she dialed her home number,  
  
"Hi, mom. Yah, it's me. I'm still at Ryan's. Listen, I've been invited to stay over for the night... No, Mom, it's not like that. His parents are here. Yah, I'm sure. His father is standing right here. Yah, hold on.."  
  
Theresa turned to Sandy and handed him the phone,  
  
"Mr. Cohen, do you mind."  
  
Sandy shook his head no as he took the phone from Theresa,  
  
"Hi. This is Sandy Cohen. No, I understand. I'd do the same thing. No, we were just concerned about Theresa driving back to Chino so late at night. She is more then welcome to stay in our guest room. No, don't worry. I promise Ryan will be in his room. Ok. Nice talking to you, too. Here's Theresa."  
  
As Sandy handed the phone back to Theresa, he turned to see Ryan rolling his eyes,  
  
"What, What's wrong?"  
  
"Theresa will be in the guest room. Ryan will be in his room..?" Ryan mocked.  
  
Sandy just shrugged,  
  
"Well, you will be, and it made Theresa's mom feel better. I take it there's a history.."  
  
But before he could continue, Kirsten walked into the kitchen and Theresa was hanging up the phone.  
  
"Hay, what's going on? I was wondering why you didn't come back." Kirsten asked Sandy, and then turned to Theresa,  
  
"Hi, you must be Theresa. I'm Kirsten. It's nice to meet you."  
  
Sandy pointed to Theresa and said,  
  
"Theresa is going to spend the night. Go back to Chino in the morning."  
  
Theresa was surprised to see that this Kirsten woman was also not bothered that some strange girl was staying in her house for the night. And was especially surprised by Kirsten's response.  
  
"Ok. Good idea. I'll go up and make sure the guest room is ready. Ryan, why don't you go get Theresa one of you tee shirts and a pair of your sweatpants for her to sleep in."  
  
Sandy followed Kirsten out, patting Ryan on the back on his way out.  
  
"Well, then as long as that's settled, I'm going back to bed. Theresa, nice to meet you again. Ryan will show you where the guest room in, and we'll see you in the morning. Night, kid."  
  
After Kirsten and Sandy left, Ryan turned to Theresa,  
  
"God, you know, you made his night."  
  
Theresa looked at Ryan strangely and said,  
  
"Why? What are you talking about?"  
  
Ryan raised his eyebrows and continued,  
  
"My parents? My father?.."  
  
Theresa just glared at him,  
  
"Well, they are, but if you're too stupid to notice it.. Go, your mother told you to get me a tee shirt and sweats. Go on, do as your told."  
  
Ryan just shook his head, as he headed for the door,  
  
"Gee, and I forgot just how sweet you could be." 


	6. Ryan decides

The next morning everyone sat around the kitchen table enjoying a nice family breakfast. The rest of the Cohens, especially Seth, were enjoying it much more then Ryan, however. Theresa was filling them all in on many Ryan stories, way too many Ryan stories in his opinion.  
  
Seth, who was so thoroughly enjoying himself, pleaded with Theresa,  
  
"You've got to tell us about Ryan as Snoopy. That I would pay good, good money to see!"  
  
Theresa really liked this Seth kid. He was really the kind of brother Ryan needed and deserved.  
  
"Well my mom took pictures," she told him, "I could make copies and send them to you."  
  
The pure excitement in Seth voice,  
  
"Oh, oh, God, please. You would so be my new best friend!"  
  
Ryan, however, was not amused. Not at all. He glared at both Seth and then Theresa,  
  
"And you would lose me as a friend! Come on, Theresa, enough stories, and no pictures!"  
  
Kirsten was also very interested in this glimpse into Ryan's previous world.  
  
"Why not? Ryan, we love hearing about what you did in Chino, and I, for one, would love to see pictures of you when you were younger. I bet you were so cute."  
  
Ryan just hung his head, "God, someone shot me."  
  
Seth was still hooked on Ryan as Snoopy.  
  
"So, is Snoopy the only play Ryan did? Were there others?"  
  
Theresa just laughed.  
  
"Nope. The next year we went on to high school. We all wanted him to try out again, but Ryan went jock on us. Playing soccer in the fall and baseball in the spring."  
  
Sandy, who had been quietly enjoying this entire family moment, finally spoke up,  
  
"I didn't know you also play baseball. You never told us that. Are you going to try out this spring at Harbor? You were really good at soccer."  
  
Ryan just shrugged,  
  
"I hadn't really thought about it."  
  
Theresa continued.  
  
"Well, if you think he's good at soccer, you should see him in baseball. He's outrageous!"  
  
Kirsten smiled at Theresa and then at Ryan,  
  
"Well, we enjoyed your soccer games, and now we can look forward to your baseball games."  
  
Theresa was shocked,  
  
"You guys went to his games?" looking over at Ryan who just shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head.  
  
Sandy was surprised by Theresa's statement,  
  
"Yah, of course. All his home games and some of his away. Why?"  
  
Theresa looked at both Mr. and Mrs. Cohen and then Ryan,  
  
"It's nothing. It's just. Well, in Chino, Ryan didn't have anyone come to his games."  
  
Ryan interrupted her before she could continue, "Theresa.."  
  
Seth, who really hated any reference to the family that treated Ryan so poorly jumped in,  
  
"Well, what can they say? They love having an athlete in the family. one who wasn't unfortunate enough to inherit all of Dad's Jewish genes."  
  
Theresa wasn't exactly sure what Mr. Cohen being Jewish had to do with the fact Seth obviously wasn't athletic, but figured it was some kind of inside joke since no one else seemed bothered by Seth's statement. She was also shocked at how much Ryan actually meant to this family, and that Ryan wasn't able to see it. She also knew she had to make Ryan see the difference. Between this family who loved him unconditionally, and the other one. The one who couldn't care less what he did or what they did to him. So Theresa turned to Ryan and said,  
  
"Speaking of family, have you talked to Trey lately?"  
  
Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He wasn't sure where Theresa was going with this, but he knew he didn't like it.  
  
"Um, no. Not since Thanksgiving."  
  
"Well," Theresa started, "It's just, I know he still calls Arturo, and I was worried that he was still calling you. Trying to hook you back in, especially after what happened at Thanksgiving."  
  
Sandy looked at Ryan,  
  
"What happened at Thanksgiving?"  
  
But Ryan never took his eyes off Theresa,  
  
"It was nothing. Come on Theresa. You've got to be going now."  
  
Kirsten was quickly becoming very concerned about this interaction between Ryan and Theresa, especially since Ryan would not stop glaring at Theresa.  
  
"Ryan! There is no reason to be rude. If something happened at Thanksgiving that we need to know about."  
  
Ryan tried to shrug it off,  
  
"It was nothing, I promise. Theresa just never liked Trey. That's all."  
  
Theresa shot back,  
  
"And you wonder why?"  
  
Ryan wouldn't answer. He couldn't answer. He was getting mad and scared, at the same time. If Theresa told them about Thanksgiving, after everything that happened with Oliver. It wouldn't be good. Not good at all. Luckily, Theresa also decided to drop the whole thing, and also decided it was time to go.  
  
"Well, I think Ryan's right. I better hit the road. I still have a ton of homework to get through before tomorrow. Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, thank you for letting me spend the night. I appreciate it. It was nice meeting you. You, too, Seth, and don't listen to Ryan. I'll send you whatever pictures I can find."  
  
Theresa could tell the Cohens were actually relieved to see her go. She let them know something happened with Trey, and she could tell they were the type of parents who were not going to let it drop. They were going to grill Ryan until he opened up.  
  
Sandy just smiled at her and said,  
  
"It was great to meet you, too. Drive carefully."  
  
Kirsten also smiled,  
  
"Yes, it was really good to meet you. And thank you for the great insight into Ryan's past. Feel free to come by anytime."  
  
Seth just waved. He was still trying to figure out how they went from having a good time to knowing Ryan was probably in trouble, again. He quickly disappeared as Theresa and Ryan walked out towards the door. He'd ease drop from the top of the stairs.  
  
Once outside, Ryan turned to Theresa,  
  
"Well, thanks," he said as cold as he could, "thanks for everything."  
  
But Theresa stood her ground,  
  
"Oh, stop. So what. What would be so bad about them knowing what Trey made you do? You need to open up to them, Ryan, and let them in."  
  
Ryan just raised his voice,  
  
"They would not understand, especially now with everything that just happened. I can't believe you would do that to me."  
  
"So what do you think would happen? Maybe they care enough to get mad, worried, concerned. What's the worse they would do? Ground you? Good, then you'd know they care. They would never hurt you, or beat you or do anything like that. God, Ryan, those people in there love you, and you love them too."  
  
Theresa didn't get a chance to continue. She saw Mr. Cohen coming out before Ryan did.  
  
Sandy had her sunglasses in his hand.  
  
"Good, Theresa, you haven't left yet. Here, you forgot your sunglasses."  
  
He turned to leave, but not before hearing Theresa say to Ryan,  
  
"Your parents are pretty cool, Ryan. Just give them a chance."  
  
Over Ryan's shoulder she said,  
  
"Goodbye, Mr. Cohen, and thank you."  
  
Ryan stood in the driveway and watched Theresa drive away before he joined Sandy on the front steps. He knew since Sandy hadn't disappeared back into the house after he gave Theresa her sunglasses that he was waiting for him, and they would be talking.again.  
  
"So," Sandy said, "Theresa seems really nice. She's a good friend. I hope you two had fun."  
  
Ryan wasn't ready for this. Not another talk. He wanted to think first.  
  
"Yah, she's. She's great. Thanks. She. We. Um. I needed.. thanks." Was all Ryan could stammer out before turning and walking back into the house.  
  
Sandy joined him, and put his arm around Ryan's shoulder,  
  
"Hay, no problem. Anytime. You heard what Theresa said, we're cool!"  
  
Well, at least he's joking, Ryan thought,  
  
"Well, she just doesn't know you like I do.."  
  
Sandy just gave a fake, "ha ha ha" before adding,  
  
"But seriously, Ryan, if there is something you'd like to tell us about Thanksgiving.."  
  
Ryan just shook his head, "Uh, no."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy warned, "If something happened that we need to know about, you really need to tell us."  
  
"Let's just say what you don't know can't hurt me."  
  
Ryan was still really hoping that he could avoid this talk.  
  
"Well, that makes me feel soo much better." Sandy answered.  
  
Ryan tried again to avoid this,  
  
"Look, I've been enough trouble lately. I promise I'll tell you about Thanksgiving some day, just not right now. Ok?"  
  
Well, it's a start, Sandy thought. He asked Ryan,  
  
"Like maybe when, then?"  
  
Ryan smirked and said, "I don't know. Like maybe when I'm 30."  
  
As they got back to the kitchen, Ryan saw that Kirsten was still there, and Seth had disappeared. He tried to make a quick exit to the pool house, but didn't get too far before Kirsten started to talk.  
  
"So, Theresa seemed really nice. You can tell she thinks a lot about you. She must really miss you now that you're not in Chino anymore."  
  
Small talk, Ryan thought. She's also making small talk. Small talk always led to big talks.  
  
He just shrugged,  
  
"Yah. I guess."  
  
Kirsten turned and faced Ryan,  
  
"So.. do you miss being in Chino?"  
  
Ryan was a little taken back. So much for small talk. Kirsten got straight to the point.  
  
He thought about it for a minute before he answered,  
  
"No, actually no, I don't. I thought for a while that I did. That I fit in better in Chino but."  
  
Theresa said let them in, Sandy said let them in. Everyone wanted him to let them in, be his family so he decided to try. Take that huge leap of faith and see what happened..  
  
"Ok, look, when I went to go see Trey at Thanksgiving, I knew he would want something. Money. A favor. Something, because he always wanted something. He did."  
  
Ryan paused before continuing,  
  
"Trey owed these guys like six grand, and they had guys in jail with him who liked to 'remind' him regularly. I had to pick up a stolen car and deliver it to this chop shop in order to pay back the debt. That's how I got the black eye. This one guy punched me, as an interest payment to Trey's debt."  
  
Ryan finished and looked at Sandy. It was pretty obvious, even before Sandy spoke that he was mad.  
  
"Why? Why didn't you call us. Let us help you before getting involved with a stolen car, debts, hoods. Illegal activities that could have gotten you arrested again, or worse, killed. You had my cell phone, Ryan, why didn't you call us?"  
  
Ryan began to panic. He should have known this wasn't a good idea.  
  
"Help me how? What was I supposed to do, call you guys and say, hay, Trey has a six grand drug debt, I know its Thanksgiving, but would you have that amount laying around."  
  
Kirsten spoke first,  
  
"Well, maybe not in those words. But yes, Ryan, that's exactly what we expect from you. We expect you to come to us, no matter what. You have to stop putting yourself in harm's way. Stop trying to solve everyone's problems by yourself."  
  
"But this wasn't your problem. He's my brother. I felt like I had no choice."  
  
It was a weak answer, but the only one Ryan had.  
  
Sandy's voice softened considerably. Ryan could tell he was still mad, but calming down pretty quickly.  
  
"Your problems are our problems, Ryan." Sandy said. "And you always have a choice. We are your choice."  
  
Kirsten continued,  
  
"Is that why you haven't talked to Trey or about Trey since Thanksgiving?"  
  
Ryan nodded,  
  
"After I left the chop shop, I went back to the prison, and I told Trey I was done. That I would never do anything for him ever again. We both decided that it would be better if I put him and his whole world behind me."  
  
Sandy was relieved that Ryan made the decision not to see Trey anymore. At least it spared him from having to tell Ryan that he would not be allowed to visit him alone ever again.  
  
"Well, we're glad that you finally told us what happened. And we're really glad that you've decided to remove yourself from Trey and his dangerous situations. But Ryan, your choices. Such blatant disregard for your safety, your welfare. You didn't even consider what could have happened. It scares me just thinking about it."  
  
Again Ryan just nodded. He looked down at the ground, not wanting to look Sandy or Kirsten in the eyes.  
  
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Again."  
  
Then Ryan looked up, and looked them both in the eyes,  
  
"I'm just not used to having people to trust and depend on, to turn to."  
  
Kirsten smiled at him,  
  
"Well, you do now."  
  
Sandy put his arm around Ryan's shoulder and said,  
  
"Ryan, we will work this out. We promise."  
  
And for once Ryan believed them.  
  
"Ok" was all he could say.  
  
Slowly, he turned and looked out the window. Finally, he spoke, very softly,  
  
"Theresa and I were talking, and I was thinking. If you still want. I'll go"  
  
Oh no, Kirsten thought, not again. He's still worried about getting thrown out.  
  
"Go? Go where?" she demanded.  
  
But Ryan answered,  
  
"I'll go. See someone. Talk. To whoever you want. I want to work this out. I... I want to belong. To this family."  
  
Sandy and Kirsten couldn't believe it. They knew what a big step this was for Ryan to admit it. But they also knew what a bigger step it would be for Ryan to prove it. 


	7. Second Thoughts Already?

Ryan just stared up at the ceiling of the pool house. He had told Sandy and Kirsten that he had some homework to finish before he went back to school the next day. He needed to be alone. He hadn't been alone at all most of the week, and now he just needed to relax and be by himself for a while.  
  
They didn't say anything to him about his homework excuse. Kirsten knew it wasn't true. She knew he had already finished it at her office, but she didn't say anything to him. She also knew he needed sometime alone. She had already warned Seth to leave Ryan alone. Let Ryan find him when and if he wanted to talk.  
  
After Ryan went out to the pool house, Sandy went into his office to make some phone calls. He wasn't exactly sure who he could reach on a Sunday, but he still wanted to call some of his old contacts from the P.D.'s office. He wanted to make sure he got everything lined up as quickly as possible, just in case. They all knew it was a big step for Ryan to admit he needed help, but they also knew it probably wouldn't take much for him to change his mind. Sandy needed the name of a good therapist, and needed to line up the appointment before that happened.  
  
As he lay on his bed, Ryan had actually started to think that he had made a mistake. Before he came to Newport, he didn't know anyone who readily admitted to seeing a shrink. They had made his mom go for help a couple of times. Group meetings, AA, things like that. It never worked. She always went right back to drinking. It usually made her drink even more, and then things at home would always get worse. Ryan sat up. He needed to come up with a plan to get out of this therapy thing. He didn't want things with the Cohens to get worse. They were finally getting better. He told them he believed them, that he trusted them and that he wanted to be a part of their family. It seemed like they believed him, too. Now he just had to figure out how to prove it, without a shrink.  
  
Ryan was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even hear the phone ring, or Kirsten calling him to pick it up. He finally heard her knocking on the door.  
  
"Ryan, phone. It's Theresa," she called through the door.  
  
Ryan called back, "Ok, thanks." "Lo?" as he picked up the line.  
  
"Just thought you'd want to know that I got home all safe and sound." Theresa said.  
  
Ryan just told her, "Fine. Great. I'll talk to you soon."  
  
"I take it things didn't go too great with your folks after I left."  
  
Theresa had wondered all the way home. She saw that Sandy was still standing on the front steps as she drove away, so she figured he was waiting for Ryan, and by the tone of Ryan's voice, she knew he was.  
  
"It went fine" was all Ryan was willing to tell her.  
  
Theresa was starting to get annoyed. Ryan could get so moody when he wanted to.  
  
"So then, stop being so pissy. You may not have liked what I did, but I did what I thought was best. For you. Did you tell them what happened? I bet you did, didn't you." she shot back to him.  
  
Ryan was suddenly getting very tired of talking to Theresa. She could be a real pain in his ass when she wanted to, he thought.  
  
"Yah, I told them. You really didn't leave me much of a choice. I came home at Thanksgiving with a black eye. They knew something had happened. Then you tell them that Trey dragged me back into some kind of trouble. You really think they'd let that drop?"  
  
Theresa could tell she was really starting to make Ryan mad, but since she wasn't sure when she would get a chance to talk to him again, she wanted to make sure he was going to be alright.  
  
"So? What? Are you grounded again?" She asked.  
  
Ryan just snorted, "What is it with you and my being grounded. It's not funny, you know. Me pissing them off all the time. But no, I'm not grounded again. We talked. Again. And now I'm going to see some shrink. Thanks to you."  
  
He couldn't believe it when he heard Theresa respond,  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Ryan snidely told her, "I was being sarcastic."  
  
Theresa had had enough of Ryan's attitude, so she told him,  
  
"So was I. I told you last night that I didn't think you seeing a therapist was such a bad idea. Ryan, I barely spent any time with your family, and I saw how much you mean to them. But you're so worried about something going wrong that you won't let yourself get close to them. And because of that, you end up going off half-assed and getting into trouble. Think about what's happened. If, at Thanksgiving, you called them and told them what was wrong, what would they have done?"  
  
Ryan admitted, "They said they would have given Trey the money, but."  
  
Theresa interrupted him before he could go on,  
  
"No buts. And with Oliver? If you went to them in the very beginning and told them what was going on, and kept telling them what was happening, what would they have done?"  
  
Ryan thought about it for a second and then said,  
  
"I don't know. I guess they would have tried to get involved. Maybe help everyone see there was something wrong with Oliver, maybe try to help Oliver himself."  
  
"Or maybe," Ryan added, "They would have done nothing."  
  
Theresa knew that last sentence was lame, and she knew Ryan knew it, too. She also knew it was time to let Ryan go.  
  
"I seriously doubt they would have done nothing, and I know you doubt it, too." She told him.  
  
"Look, Ry, I can't be your therapist any more. Your life is in Newport now, and mine is here in Chino. You need to go on with that life, and to do that; you need someone to talk to. I've got to go. I'll call you some time. Bye," and Theresa hung up before Ryan could respond.  
  
Ryan sat on the bed for a while just staring at the phone. She was right, and he knew it. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. God, he was going to go to therapy.  
  
Before he had a chance to think about it any more, the phone rang again. Thinking it was Theresa again, he picked it up quickly.  
  
"Lo?"  
  
He couldn't believe it when he heard,  
  
"Hay, Chino, its Luke. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang for a while."  
  
"Hang?" Ryan asked. Why would Luke want to 'hang', Ryan thought.  
  
Luke seemed real hesitant as well,  
  
"Yah, I mean. I saw you and Marissa talking last night, and then you both left, but not together. I also know you haven't been allowed out much lately with all this Oliver crap so you know, I thought maybe you'd need to hang somewhere. Clear your head."  
  
Ryan actually thought it was a good idea. Hanging out with Luke meant he wouldn't have to talk much about anything. Anything 'meaningful' that is. It also meant he wouldn't have to think. He was tired of talking and he was tired of thinking so hanging out with Luke was a great idea.  
  
"Yah, Luke, sounds good." Ryan said.  
  
Luke actually sounded excited, "Cool. I'll be there in like 15 minutes."  
  
Ryan walked into the kitchen to find both Sandy and Kirsten. They were making lunch together.  
  
"Hay, Ryan," Sandy said, "How's it going? You hungry? You want some lunch?"  
  
Ryan was wondering why they hadn't asked about Theresa. Kirsten knew she had called. Not that he was complaining. He just wanted to tell them about Luke and get out of there. He wanted to not think and not talk anymore.  
  
"Fine, thanks. Uh, no thanks for lunch. Actually, Luke is going to come over. He wanted to hang out for a while, if that's ok."  
  
Kirsten was a little surprised. She knew Ryan and Luke had become friendly, but she didn't know they were actually friends. She looked at Sandy, who also seemed a little surprised.  
  
"Luke?" she said to him, "Uh, yah, ok. If you guys want to hang out here."  
  
But Ryan cut her off,  
  
"Well, actually, he was coming by to pick me up. We were going to go and hang out. out." It didn't make sense to Ryan even as Ryan said it.  
  
"Hang out where?" Sandy wanted to know.  
  
Ryan shrugged. He never asked Luke where.  
  
"I don't know. He didn't say. He said he saw me and Marissa talking last night, and wanted to, I don't know, help, I guess. Is it ok?"  
  
Sandy really couldn't think of a good reason to say no, even though he wanted to, so he said,  
  
"Sure, I guess. Just don't forget to take your phone. And don't be late. You go back to school tomorrow."  
  
"Thanks," Ryan said, "I'll be back by dinner time."  
  
Ryan ran back to the pool house and grabbed his phone. He then walked around to the front of the house, just as Luke was pulling up.  
  
"Hay," Ryan said as he jumped into the truck.  
  
"Hay," Luke said as he pulled away from the Cohen's, "I figured right about now you'd need to get your buzz on, so I stopped and picked up some beers. I figured we could take my dad's boat out, have a couple and just chill out."  
  
"Sounds good. Let's go." Ryan couldn't remember the last time he "got his buzz on" as Luke liked to put it so it really did sound good to him. 


	8. Hanging with Luke

When they got to the docks, Ryan was really glad to see that Luke didn't have one of those small little sailboat things that Seth had taken him out on the first day he was in Newport. Luke's was more of a speedboat kind of thing. Not that Ryan knew much about boats. Chino was in land, not on the ocean like Newport was.  
  
Ryan sized up the boat. Yah, he thought, I can go on this.  
  
"Cool looking boat. I bet this thing can go pretty fast."  
  
For some reason, Ryan felt the need to make small talk with Luke.  
  
Luke just shrugged,  
  
"Yah, it's not bad. Good for water skiing. We'll go some time this summer if you want."  
  
Ryan's first thought was no way in hell. He'll ride in the boat, but he wouldn't even attempt to ski, but all he said was,  
  
"Cool." Then Ryan noticed the name of the boat as Luke was loading a case of beer onto the boat.  
  
"Boy's Toy?" he asked.  
  
Luke looked at Ryan for a second before answering,  
  
"Yah, we thought he named it after me and my brothers but well. who knows now," making a lame joke about his father's newly discovered alternative lifestyle, and then he changed the subject,  
  
"I thought we'd head towards the bay. We can hang out. No worries."  
  
Since Ryan was never one for small talk he just answered, "Cool", again. He didn't know what else to say.  
  
As they pulled away from the dock, Ryan popped open a beer. He figured one or two would really help him unwind. No worries Luke said. Yah, no worries, no Marissa, no Theresa, no Cohens, no Oliver, no therapist, no nothing. Ryan was still thinking about it a short time later when Luke slowed up and stopped the boat.  
  
"Damn, dude, you really sucked that one down. Here." Luke said as he tossed Ryan another beer before opening one for himself.  
  
Ryan just shrugged. He wasn't much of a beer drinker, but it tasted good. He looked around and said,  
  
"So this is the bay. Not bad."  
  
Luke looked around, too before answering,  
  
"Yah, quiet. You can get as wasted as you want without anyone bothering you. I come here a lot, especially lately. You know, with my dad and all that."  
  
"How's it going with that anyway?" Ryan asked, but really didn't expect Luke to answer.  
  
Luke shrugged. He really didn't like talking about it.  
  
"He's gay. He likes dudes. Its gross, but. He's still my dad. He still wants to go to football games and do all that dad type stuff with me and my brothers like he did before. I don't know. It's just weird."  
  
That's about all Luke wanted to say about it so he changed the subject,  
  
"How about your folks?"  
  
"My folks?" Ryan wasn't really sure what Luke was talking about, but Luke continued,  
  
"Yah, I mean how pissed were they with all that Oliver shit. I know Cohen said you were busted for like three weeks, but I'm guessing they're over it now, right?"  
  
Ryan just shrugged. He thought hanging out with Luke meant he wouldn't have to keep talking about all of that again. Luckily, Luke realized that Ryan wanted to talk about Oliver about as much as Luke wanted to talk about his dad so he told him,  
  
"Hay, man, no worries. I guess you're probably all talked out by now." He then thought about it for a minute before asking Ryan,  
  
"So, have they hit you with seeing some therapist yet?"  
  
Ryan was not expecting that from Luke. He started to get worried about the rumors that must already be going around this small fish bowl town,  
  
"Yah, how'd you know?" It was more of a demand from Ryan then it was a question, but that didn't seem to faze Luke.  
  
He just shrugged,  
  
"Cause its every Newport parent's answer to a problem. Therapy. My mom has us all in group therapy, family therapy, one-on-one therapy. The second my dad came out of the closet, we all got shipped off to a therapist." Luke thought about it for a second before he continued,  
  
But you know, it's not that bad. You can get a lot off your chest, and they can't say a word to anyone about what you say. You know, that whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing. It's better then confession. You'll see. I'm sure your folks will be dragging you to one soon. I mean you saw a kid off himself. I'm surprised they haven't made you see one sooner."  
  
Ryan considered what Luke said for a minute and then had to ask,  
  
"Why do you keep calling them my folks?"  
  
"I don't know. Why? What do you call them?" Luke answered Ryan's question with his own question.  
  
Ryan thought about it and said,  
  
"I don't know. Sandy and Kirsten?" He didn't know what to say.  
  
"No, I mean, how do you refer to them to other people?" What's with this kid, Luke thought.  
  
Ryan was thinking the same thing about Luke. He just shrugged,  
  
"I don't. I never thought about it. They're just Sandy and Kirsten."  
  
Luke just shook his head. The kid really has no clue!  
  
"Dude, you live in their house, eat their food. They buy all your stuff, pay for your school. Bale your ass out when you're in trouble, and then turn around and nail your ass for it. They worry about what you do, where you go and who you're with. Face it, bud, no matter what you call them, they're your folks."  
  
Ryan just shrugged again, wondering when Luke suddenly became all knowledgeable. Luke has a brain, who would have guessed! Ryan thought as he grabbed another beer and tossed one to Luke.  
  
Luke just put that beer down,  
  
"Yo, Chino, you may want to slow down. You get completed wasted, and Sandy and Kirsten, your folks, will nail your ass again!"  
  
Ryan did slow down, but only slightly. He was too busy thinking about what Luke had said. Someone like Luke, the so-called typical Water Polo Playing Dumb Jock, calling Kirsten and Sandy his folks. After a couple of minutes, Luke changed the subject and asked Ryan,  
  
"So, how's it going with Marissa? I saw you guys talking last night. I thought you'd work it out, but then you left without her. Then she left a little while later, and she was crying."  
  
Again, another subject Ryan didn't want to talk about, but Luke really did seem interested.  
  
"I don't know. I don't know if we'll work it out. I mean, she picked Oliver. No matter what I said or did, she picked Oliver."  
  
Luke nodded,  
  
"Yah, I know the feeling. Remember, I was in your spot this summer when you first came to town."  
  
Before Luke could continue Ryan groaned,  
  
"Oh, God, not you, too. I'm really tired of people comparing me to Oliver.."  
  
Luke was shocked. Compare Ryan to Oliver?  
  
"Who the hell would compare you to Oliver? Oliver was a nut case. You're just, I don't know, Chino. Totally different. I'm just saying I know how you feel about Marissa. This summer I tried everything I could think of to keep Marissa and not lose her to you. But she kept going back to you over and over. Like no matter what I did, she still chose you."  
  
"You call cheating on her doing everything you could to keep her? You know, she didn't come to me until after that." Ryan answered, a little defensively.  
  
But Luke just laughed,  
  
"Yah, well, I never said I was a great boyfriend." But then he continued,  
  
"And she did leave me to go to you that night at that Model Home you were hiding out in. How do you think we found you? We followed her. That's when she chose you. I know it. I've always known it."  
  
Ryan just shrugged, took another sip of his beer and said,  
  
"Well, this time, she chose Oliver."  
  
Luke just laughed again.  
  
"Well, she's really got a problem now, doesn't she!"  
  
Luke couldn't believe he and Ryan were sitting there, drinking beer and bonding over losing Marissa to another guy. Especially since Ryan was the other guy just a few months earlier.  
  
"Well," Luke told Ryan, "I hope you guys can work it out. You seem good together. She and I, well, I don't know. We got together in like the fifth grade, and sort of stayed together. I guess I loved her. Hell, part of me still loves her. Not enough though to put up with everything you did."  
  
"You know," Ryan said, "If I hadn't come to Newport, you two would probably still be together, and then you would have been the one dealing with all the Oliver crap."  
  
"No, I wouldn't. If you hadn't come to Newport, Marissa would be dead." Luke never admitted that out loud to anyone before.  
  
"Huh?" Ryan again couldn't figure out what Luke was talking about.  
  
Luke took a big sip of his beer before admitting,  
  
"Man, you saved Marissa's life in Mexico. If you weren't there, she would have died."  
  
Ryan just shook his head. He didn't believe what Luke was saying. Had to be the beer, he thought before he said,  
  
"Yah, right. If I hadn't been there, she probably wouldn't have taken the pills."  
  
This guy really is unbelievable, Luke thought. He really has no clue, at all.  
  
"You think that happened because you came to Newport. Her father was stealing money for years. You had nothing to do with him finally getting caught. And I was cheating on her for years. She still would have caught me in Mexico, and she still would have taken the pills. You had nothing to do with that. What you did have something to do with is finding her and saving her life."  
  
Ryan couldn't answer. He didn't know what to say, so he quickly finished off the beer he was drinking and grabbed another one. Luke just shook his head and continued,  
  
"Christ, Chino, who-ever you lived with before the Cohens really did a number on your head. You know, believe it or not, you coming to Newport was a good thing to a lot of people. And not just Marissa. I mean, take Cohen for example. That kid was a social moron. Now look at him. He's banging one of the most popular girls in school! He would never even have talked to Summer if you weren't here and with Marissa. I mean he went 16 years without talking to anyone, and now look at him. You think that was freakin' magic? And honestly, dude, you were like the only one there when my father went queer. That was a help to me, too, you know."  
  
Luke then laughed,  
  
"Especially when half the DelVista soccer team decided to kick my ass. Least you were there!"  
  
"Lot of good that did. I got my ass kicked, too!" Ryan answered.  
  
Luke just shrugged,  
  
"Yah, but at least it was 2 against 8, and not 1 against 8. You were a good friend to stand up with me. Hell, Chino, you are a good friend."  
  
Ryan just laughed at this 'nice' side of Luke. A side that without the help of the beers, Ryan would never have seen.  
  
"Gee, Luke, I never knew you could be so sentimental."  
  
Ryan was really starting to feel the effects of the five or so beers and no lunch. He started looking around the boat,  
  
"Hay, you got anything to eat on this thing?"  
  
Luke reached down into a bag, and pulled out some chips,  
  
"Yah, here," tossing Ryan a bag of Fritos.  
  
"I told you to slow down. You puke on my boat, and I'll show you how sentimental I can be!"  
  
With that, Luke and Ryan just relaxed and didn't talk much more for a while. Ryan felt better with the chips in his stomach, so he grabbed another beer.  
  
"You know," Luke told him, "I know we don't normally hang together, but I didn't know you drank so much."  
  
Ryan just told him, "I don't usually. But once in a while, it's not a bad idea. This is my last one, though" as he popped open the top.  
  
"Hay, no worries," Luke told him, "We got enough if you want to really get a good buzz on."  
  
Ryan shook his head, "Nah. My real paren. my biological parents are alcoholics so I don't usually get drunk very often. Drunks are ugly, and I don't wanna be one of them."  
  
Well, at least booze makes you honest, Ryan thought. He and Luke had said a whole lot to each other, and he knew no one would believe him, even if he wanted to tell anyone what they talked about. Hell, Ryan couldn't believe what they talked about. And as he finished off his next beer, he started to laugh about it. He knew he was getting drunk, because when he got drunk, everything was funny to him. Luke, who hadn't been drinking as much or as fast as Ryan couldn't figure out what was suddenly so funny.  
  
"Hay, what's the joke? I miss something?"  
  
Ryan just laughed,  
  
"I'm just thinkin'. If anyone heard us talking, they'd definitely think we were a couple of queers. Just like your dad!" and Ryan laughed even harder at that.  
  
Luke couldn't help but laugh, too. Maybe he wasn't getting as drunk as fast as Ryan, but he was feeling good, too.  
  
"No way, man. I like women! No doubt there! All kinds of women! Well, except maybe fat chicks."  
  
Ryan laughed even harder and said, "And French chicks, cause they don't shave their pits!" "Hay, I got it," he continued, "we'll find you a fat, French chick with hairy pits."  
  
"Not unless you do her first!" Luke shot back.  
  
"Hell, I'm not that drunk!" Ryan answered.  
  
After they laughed about it for a couple more minutes, Luke turned to Ryan and said,  
  
"Don't worry about me, man. I got someone."  
  
"Who?" Ryan asked, "Who you got that you didn't bring to the dance?"  
  
Luke leaned closer to Ryan and said,  
  
"Look, I'll tell you, but you gotta swear you won't tell anyone..."  
  
"Why, what's the big deep dark secret? She got a boyfriend already? It's not Summer, is it?" Ryan would really hate to have to kick Luke's ass if it were Summer. Seth's Summer, he thought.  
  
Luke laughed. Ryan's still protective of Cohen, he thought.  
  
"Nah, it's not Summer, and she doesn't have a boyfriend. She's just. a little older, and well, its all kinds of weird. Hot, definitely hot, but definitely weird.."  
  
"Weird, huh? Why, is it like Julie Cooper or something?" Ryan started to laugh at what he thought as a real good joke. Except Luke wasn't laughing, too. He was shaking his head yes.  
  
"No way!" Ryan shouted. "How the hell did that happen? WHY the hell did that happen? Julie Cooper? That's just sick, man, just sick!" He tried to picture it, but there wasn't enough beer in the world for him to wrap his head around that picture.  
  
Luke started to get very defensive at Ryan's obvious disgust.  
  
"No, look, Ry. It's not like that. I mean it is like that, but well." Then Luke started to get annoyed at having to defend himself to Chino,  
  
"Look, if you tell anyone," he threatened, "I swear I'll kick your ass!"  
  
Ryan, who was half way through another beer trying to picture Luke with the Dragon Lady, just laughed,  
  
"First, who the hell would I tell? No one, and I mean no one would believe me. And second, dude, you can not kick my ass. I can so kick your ass!"  
  
Of course, Ryan and Luke then spent the next twenty drunken minutes arguing over exactly who could kick who's ass and reliving all their past fights and arguing over who won each one of them. Finally Luke told Ryan,  
  
"Look, we can settle this. Let's head back, and I can prove that I can kick your ass."  
  
Ryan was surprised,  
  
"You wanna fight?" He hadn't really thought about fighting Luke again. Luke thought about the idea, too, for a minute and said,  
  
"Hum, yah, maybe not. But there's gotta be something. Head for the arcade? Miniature golf? Nah, too queer. Batting cages?"  
  
"Batting cages? Yah, ok. I'll take you on at the batting cages." Ryan told Luke. "Here, I'll even give myself a handicap," as he downed his last beer.  
  
By the time they got back to the dock and headed towards the batting cages, Ryan realized he was having a really good time. He knew even drunk, he could out hit Luke. He used to spend hours down at the batting cages in Chino. Whenever he needed to let off some steam, he'd head over there. He'd just picture the ball as the face of who ever pissed him off - Trey, his mother, or one of her boyfriends, whoever. And since it seemed like he was pissed off a lot back then, he spent a lot of time using this visual technique as Sandy called it. It made him a really really good ball player.  
  
Ryan was still thinking about the batting cages in Chino when his phone rang.  
  
"Hel-lo?" He answered. He heard Seth on the other end say,  
  
"Ryan? Is that you?"  
  
"Hey, Seth! Hey, Luke, it's Seth! Hey bro., how's it hanging?" Ryan was really happy to hear from Seth. But it didn't sound like Seth was too happy to hear from Ryan,  
  
"Ryan, what's the matter with you? Are you drunk?" he whispered, hoping his parents couldn't hear him. When Ryan just laughed, he knew, though.  
  
"Dude," Seth warned, "if you come home drunk, you will be so grounded! Where's Luke? Is he drunk, too? Can I talk to him?"  
  
"Hey, Luke. Here. It's Seth. He wants to know if you're drunk." Ryan said as he handed his phone to Luke.  
  
Luke answered the phone like nothing was wrong,  
  
"Hey, Cohen. What's up?"  
  
Seth started to rant,  
  
"What's up?" he demanded, "What's up?! Luke, Ryan's smashed! My parents will kill him if he comes home like that! What are you guys doing?"  
  
Luke looked around and said,  
  
"Right now?"  
  
No next month, you moron, Seth thought, but said,  
  
"Yah, right now."  
  
"Well, let's see," Luke said, "right now, we're heading over to the batting cages where I'm going to totally kick Chino's ass.."  
  
Seth heard Ryan laugh in the background,  
  
"You wish, Abercrombie!"  
  
"Luke, listen," Seth pleaded, "It's 4 o'clock now. Ryan's supposed to be home in like 2 hours for dinner. You've got to do what ever you can to sober him up. He's already been grounded for like the past three weeks. This is the first weekend he's been allowed out. He can not, I repeat, can not come home drunk."  
  
Luke just laughed.  
  
"God, Cohen, don't be such an old lady! We're hitting balls at the batting cages for a while, and then we'll grab some grub. Ok, mom?"  
  
Seth really didn't know what Ryan saw in Luke. He still thought Luke was a jerk,  
  
"Just sober him up, Luke. Ok? Let me talk to Ryan."  
  
Luke handed Ryan the phone without saying goodbye to Seth.  
  
"Hey, bro!" Ryan said.  
  
Seth signed, "Ryan, go. Hit some balls at the batting cages. Hit a lot of balls. Maybe the exercise will help. Then go get something to eat. I'll tell Mom and Dad that you'll be home after dinner. Ok?"  
  
Ryan just laughed again, "Sure, Mom. See ya later!"  
  
As Ryan stuffed the phone back in his pocket, Luke asked,  
  
"Is he always such an old lady?"  
  
"Nah, he's cool," Ryan told him, "He's just been a little freaked out lately with everything."  
  
Luke couldn't believe Cohen was even cool, but Ryan was the one who lived with him so he just shrugged it off.  
  
"Well either way," Luke said, "he bought you some more time. One hour at the batting cages then the diner. Winner hits the most balls and Loser pays. Hope you got enough cash!"  
  
Ryan laughed, again, "Why, I'm not gonna need any!"  
  
They had only been at the batting cages for fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes when Luke realized that Ryan was good, really, really good, and Luke was losing, badly. If this kid could hit like this wasted, Luke thought, what the hell was he like sober?  
  
"So, dude," Luke asked after Ryan was done hitting, "You trying out this spring or what?"  
  
"Trying out for what?" Ryan asked as he took his batting helmet off.  
  
"Girl's Field Hockey," Luke deadpanned. "Baseball, you moron."  
  
Ryan shrugged, "Don't know. Didn't think about it."  
  
"You're up," Ryan continued, "and you need to hit all 15 balls or you lose, my friend. And I gotta tell ya, I'm hungry, really hungry!"  
  
As Luke was about to take his turn, he heard,  
  
"Hey Luke, what's up?"  
  
Luke turned around to see Brad and Chip, two friends who still were willing to talk to him, despite his recent gay father troubles.  
  
"Hey, Brad, Chip. How's it going? Ryan and I are just, you know. At the batting cages."  
  
Ryan added, "Yah, loser pays for dinner."  
  
Luke looked over at the two of them and asked,  
  
"Hey, you wanna join us?" He knew he could at least out hit the two of them, even if he didn't stand a chance with Ryan.  
  
"Yah, sure," Chip said and then looked over at Ryan, "Hey Chino, I didn't know they had batting cages where you were from."  
  
"Batting cages? Nah, no batting cages. We didn't even have baseballs or bats. We just used to hit rats with big sticks." Ryan sounded so serious, Chip wondered for a minute if he was serious. That is until Luke added,  
  
"Yah, Chino Ratball!"  
  
At that, Ryan and Luke lost it. They started to laugh really hard, which made Brad and Chip even more smug. It was obvious that Ryan and Luke were both pretty buzzed, especially Ryan. Brad and Chip figured it would be pretty easy to beat them both. They were wrong. Ryan beat all of them, and as they headed towards the diner, Brad looked at him,  
  
"Dude! How the hell could you hit like that? You're totally wasted!"  
  
Ryan just smiled, "I was really good at Chino Ratball..."  
  
They all laughed, except Chip. He was mad. He lost, and now they were heading for the diner, his treat.  
  
"You set us up!" Chip accused Ryan. Before Ryan could answer, Luke did,  
  
"Lighten up, Chip. He didn't set you up. You jumped at the chance because you thought you could kick his ass. But face it man, you suck!"  
  
"Yah, totally." Brad agreed.  
  
As they reached the diner, Ryan turned to the group and asked,  
  
"You guys really want to eat here?"  
  
"You don't eat here?" Chip asked. It was a diner. Why wouldn't Chino like a diner?  
  
Ryan just shrugged,  
  
"Nope, haven't been here since, well, August."  
  
Luke caught onto what Ryan was thinking,  
  
"Yah," he said, " well, at least now there's something you like about rich kids!"  
  
They all laughed, remembering the last time the four of them were at this diner. Ryan had knocked Luke half way across the table for picking on Seth. This time, though, they were there together as friends. And as strange as it seemed, Ryan was enjoying himself. Maybe it was the beer, he thought, but the three of them were pretty funny. Ryan was actually relaxing and having fun. They all laughed a lot, and since Chip was footing the bill, they also all ate, a lot.  
  
Shortly after 6, Ryan realized he probably should head home. He said he'd be home around dinnertime, and even though Seth told him he'd tell Sandy and Kirsten he was eating out, he thought it would be better not to push his luck, again. He figured it had been a couple of hours since his last beer. He had worked off some of his buzz at the batting cages and had a full stomach, so he figured it wouldn't be a real problem to act sober in front of Sandy & Kirsten. He'd only make small talk, and duck out to the pool house.  
  
Ryan looked at his watch and said,  
  
"Look, I gotta jet. I'm supposed to get home early.."  
  
"Why, your folks still up in your grill or what?" Chip asked. He was actually enjoying Ryan, too. He was pretty cool.  
  
"Yah, kind of," Ryan said, "But I'm going back to Harbor tomorrow so.."  
  
Brad remembered, "Oh yah, you had some great vacation time off. Sucks you're going back!"  
  
Ryan just groaned,  
  
"Believe me, it was anything but vacation time. It'll actually be better at school then has been at home. Especially if I don't get there soon."  
  
"Hey, I'll drive you. Give me a sec." Luke said. Then he added, "How you going to get past them? Cohen said they'd have a cow if they saw you wasted."  
  
But Ryan just shrugged it off,  
  
"Nah, I'm not that wasted anymore. It'll be a piece of cake to get past them. No worries!" he said with a smile.  
  
"Oh, and speaking of piece of cake," Ryan said, "Thanks Chip. It's good to know that there is something rich kids are good for!"  
  
"Next time, Chino," Chip told him, "I'll take you on again next week and then we'll see who's paying!"  
  
"Yah, right, Chip, any time!" Ryan told him as he and Luke were leaving. "Just remember - you need to get yourself some rats and a big stick.." 


	9. Drunken Ryan

They heard Ryan coming in around 6:30. They were still eating dinner when he came in. Seth wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Ryan bump into something and then mumble under his breath.  
  
God, Seth thought, please do not let Ryan still be drunk. He knew, however, the second he saw Ryan, that he still was. He watched as Ryan walked into the den and right into the side of the chair.  
  
"Oops, sorry," Ryan mumbled.  
  
"Hey, I'm home," he shouted as he walked into the kitchen.  
  
"We can see that," Kirsten answered, and she wasn't too happy to see the condition Ryan was home in.  
  
"So, what'd you guys do?" Sandy asked, although just by looking at Ryan, it was pretty obvious what they had been doing.  
  
"Not much," Ryan answered as he walked into the kitchen chair. "Oops, sorry," he mumbled again.  
  
"Would you like to sit down and join us?" Kirsten asked as she pointed to the chair Ryan had just bumped into.  
  
Ryan shook his head,  
  
"Nay, didn't Seth tell you, we went to that diner for dinner."  
  
Sandy asked, "What diner?"  
  
Ryan thought for a second and then said,  
  
"Uh, I don't remember the name. You know the one, Seth, on the pier. The one where I punched out Luke this summer."  
  
"Is that all you guys did?" Sandy asked, only slightly amused.  
  
"Nope. We went there after the batting cages." Ryan answered.  
  
"Batting cages?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Yah, batting cages. Loser paid for dinner, and that was Chip."  
  
"Chip?" Kirsten was not the least bit amused.  
  
"Yah, Chip," Ryan answered, "Man, he really sucks!"  
  
"Sucks?" Sandy repeated.  
  
Seth just hung his head. This was probably the first time he really wanted Ryan to just shut up. He was really digging himself into a hole. A big, big hole, Seth thought.  
  
Unfortunately for Ryan, he didn't notice, and he continued to talk,  
  
"Yah. Luke and I had this bet going. Who was the better hitter. I was really kicking his ass when Brad and Chip showed up. Lucky for Luke. Otherwise, Luke was paying. But Chip can't hit worth a crap. Brad wasn't that bad. Neither was Luke."  
  
Ryan was really very animated when he talked, so much so that Kirsten said to him,  
  
"Would you like to sit down for desert then, and you can tell us more about your day"  
  
"Really, I'm full. We chowed. Food's really not bad there, especially with Chip paying," and then Ryan laughed, at his own joke.  
  
"So, you guys hung out at the batting cages and at the diner. Is that it?" Sandy asked. He was still trying to figure out when and where Ryan and Luke would have been able to drink.  
  
Ryan nodded and said, "Yah. After Luke's father's boat. We took that out and hung out for a while. It's a nice boat."  
  
So that's where they were drinking, Sandy thought.  
  
"Ok. So you guys went out on Luke's father's boat, then to the batting cages and then the diner. Any thing else?"  
  
"Nope," Ryan answered, "That's it. No fights," and Ryan laughed again.  
  
"We're supposed to go again next weekend. Chip wants another shot, when he says we're all so... oh."  
  
Then Ryan realized it. This wasn't small talk anymore. He needed to shut up. He looked over at Seth, who just shook his head.  
  
Kirsten asked, "When you're all so what?"  
  
Come on, Ryan, she thought, say it. Say when you're sober, I dare you!  
  
Ryan started to fidget with the back of the chair and said,  
  
"Um, so back in school. Uh, yah, you know, I go back to school tomorrow. I better go and get ready. Ok?"  
  
"Speaking of which," Sandy reminded him, "You need to be ready early tomorrow. We need to meet with Dr. Kim first before school starts so we have to leave here by 7:15. You'll need to be up early." And lots of luck there, Sandy thought.  
  
Ryan just made a face and mumbled,  
  
"Dr. Kim. Dr. Stick-up-her-ass, crack-her-face-if-she-smiled Kim!" and then turned to Sandy and said,  
  
"Ok, can't wait! Good night."  
  
And with that, Ryan attempted to walk out the door. Except he forgot, the door opens in, not out, so he walked into it instead.  
  
"Oops, sorry. Opens this way." he mumbled as he pulled it open and walked out towards the pool house.  
  
Sandy watched him leave and said,  
  
"Well, that was interesting..."  
  
Kirsten found it anything but interesting,  
  
"I can not believe it! I can't believe he's drunk!" Turning to Seth she demanded,  
  
"Did you know about this? When you talked to him earlier, did you know he was drunk?"  
  
"Ah," Seth lied, "I just thought that maybe he was in a really good mood."  
  
"Oh, I'd say he was in a real good mood!" Kirsten continued, "I knew it. I knew hanging out with Luke Ward was a bad idea. I still can not believe that he's drunk!"  
  
"I guess maybe I should have said no when he asked if he could hang out with Luke," Sandy said.  
  
"Well, I hope he enjoyed himself," Kirsten said, "Because it's going to be a really, really long time before he'll be allowed to enjoy himself again!"  
  
"Kirsten," Sandy said, trying to calm her down, "I don't think we should make that big a deal out of this."  
  
"You mean you approve of this?" Kirsten said, pointing towards the pool house.  
  
"Of his drinking, getting drunk? Especially with his families' history!"  
  
"No, of course not," Sandy told her, "But think about it, even with a family history of alcoholism, this is the first time we have ever seen him drunk. The few times that we know of where he has had something to drink, he's never gotten drunk. This time, he went out with friends, acted foolish and had too much to drink. He's 16.."  
  
"That's right, he's 16," Kirsten interrupted, "He is not old enough to drink."  
  
Seth, who had been quietly watching his parent's debate asked Kirsten,  
  
"You mean, you never drank when you were 16 or 17?"  
  
Kirsten looked at Seth and told him,  
  
"And when I was caught, I was punished." And then turned to Sandy and said,  
  
"He needs to know that at 16 he cannot go out and get drunk with friends. That we do not approve of it, and we will not tolerate it!"  
  
"Kirsten," Sandy explained, " I agree with you that this was not an acceptable way to spend a Sunday, and I'll talk to him. I'll make sure he knows that we do not condone this kind of behavior, but I think we should give him a chance to explain what happened before we decide to punish him again. If it appears that this is a one time incident, then maybe we can let it slide with a warning that if it does happen again, he will be punished."  
  
"In all honesty," Sandy continued, "I'm kind of glad to see that he can blow off some steam without getting into a fight, and that he has been able to make some more friends in Newport."  
  
"Luke, Chip and Brad?" Kirsten snorted, "The same three who beat him and Seth up the first night Ryan was here? The same three who jumped him a couple of nights later at the Model Home, and who almost let him die in the fire? Those are the three you want him to be friends with?"  
  
Sandy shrugged and said, "Well, not best friends. But better friends then enemies. At least this way, they aren't beating each other up!"  
  
"When are you going to talk to him?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Not tonight," Sandy laughed, "I don't think he'd hear too much of what I have to say tonight!" Kirsten just shot him a look so he continued,  
  
"Look, I have to sit him down and talk to him tomorrow about Dr. Colefield. It'll just be a longer talk, that's all. He'll answer for today, I promise."  
  
"Who's Dr. Colefield?" Seth asked.  
  
Sandy looked at him and explained,  
  
"Dr. Janet Colefield. She's a therapist who specializes in helping foster kids. Rachel from my office knows her and says she's really good. I'm going to call her in the morning to see how quickly I can set up an appointment for Ryan."  
  
"You think Ryan'll go?" Seth asked.  
  
Sandy nodded and said, "He said he would. But that's why I want to set up the appointment for as soon as possible, before he can change his mind, and we end up having to drag him there."  
  
Seth took it all in for a minute before asking,  
  
"And you're going to tell him tomorrow? In the morning or the afternoon?"  
  
Sandy looked at Seth, wondering what he was getting at,  
  
"Afternoon, after school," he said, "I want to talk to Dr. Colefield first. Set everything up and then sit him down and talk to him. Why?"  
  
Seth shrugged and said,  
  
"No real reason. Just want to make sure I'm not here, that's all." Then as he pushed back his chair, Seth continued,  
  
"I think I'll go see how he's doing."  
  
"No. Don't." Kirsten stopped him, "Just leave him alone tonight. Maybe he'll sleep it off if we all just leave him alone. He doesn't need to see Dr. Kim in the morning with a hangover, although it would serve him right. But I don't need to see Dr. Kim in the morning with Ryan having a hangover!"  
  
A little while later, Kirsten went out to check on Ryan, despite what she told Seth and Sandy. She found him laying on top of his bed, wearing only a tee shirt and boxers and holding his history book. He was sound asleep. Kirsten couldn't help but smile. Only Ryan, she thought, would get drunk and still try to work on his schoolwork.  
  
Kirsten took his history book from him, and covered Ryan with his covers. She then turned and set his alarm clock for him. She knew Sandy would probably let Ryan off with a warning for today, and although she figured Sandy was probably right in doing so, she was still mad. At least this will be a rude awakening for him, she thought, as she turned the volume up on his alarm clock, really loud.  
  
As she turned out the lights, Kirsten said,  
  
"Good Night, Ryan"  
  
She didn't expect him to hear her, but she heard him mumble,  
  
"Night ma."  
  
God, Kirsten thought as she pulled the door shut behind her, it would be nice if he said that when he wasn't drunk and half asleep. 


	10. The next day ain't that great

When Ryan's alarm clock went off early the next morning, he jumped. He didn't remember setting it and certainly wouldn't have intentionally set it that loud. He hit the button and sat on the edge of his bed.  
  
Crap, Ryan thought, now I remember why I hate to drink. Whenever he was hung over, it made him wonder how his mother could do this on such a regular basis.  
  
He got up and headed for the bathroom. A shower, he knew, would help Ryan clear his head, and he wanted to make sure he was ready early. He figured that maybe if he were ready early enough, just maybe Kirsten and Sandy wouldn't realize how wasted he was the night before. He knew they knew. There was no way they didn't realize he had been drinking. Well, Ryan thought as he stepped into the shower, at least I'm getting really good at this being grounded thing. He knew it was a given that he would be grounded, again.  
  
When Ryan got to the kitchen, he expected to see Sandy and Kirsten waiting for him. He was surprised to see that no one was there, yet. And since no one was there, he was able to get out a couple of aspirin for his headache. Well at least this will help get through the day a little better, Ryan thought.  
  
Ryan had just sat down on the bar stool with his coffee and Captain Crunch when Sandy and Kirsten walked in.  
  
"Hey," Sandy said, a little too loud, "Look at you! How's it going? Anxious to get back to school?"  
  
Ryan swallowed his cereal and said,  
  
"Fine, yah, I guess. Um, you said to be ready early so I am."  
  
Kirsten looked at him for a moment before she asked,  
  
"And how are you feeling this morning? Do you need anything?"  
  
Ryan just looked down at his cereal and answered,  
  
"Um, no. I'm fine. This is good. Thanks."  
  
He looked up to see Sandy and Kirsten exchange looks. He just sat there, waiting for them to say something. To start the lecture. But neither one of them said anything else. They both remained pretty quiet. And since Ryan wasn't about to say anything that might start them off, he quietly continued to eat his cereal and drink his coffee.  
  
Sandy finished his coffee and asked,  
  
"You ready? Meet with Dr. Kim, get it over with, and get back in school."  
  
When Ryan just nodded, he continued,  
  
"Just remember, you still have detention after school."  
  
"Yah, I remember," Ryan answered. "Where's Seth?"  
  
He was hoping that Seth was coming with them. He'd keep the conversation away from the day before. Now that he was officially dating Summer, all of Seth's conversations were about her, not just most of them. But this time, Ryan thought, he wouldn't mind the constant chatter. That way there would be no room for small talk, which would lead into yet another big talk.  
  
But Kirsten told him,  
  
"He's going with Summer, a little later. He doesn't need to be there this early."  
  
The drive over to school also remained surprisingly relatively quiet. There still was no lecture about the day before. Ryan started to think that maybe he had done a better job acting straight then he first thought. Maybe they hadn't realized he had been drinking after all.  
  
Despite the underlying headache, being back at school wasn't that bad, Ryan thought. Even his meeting with Dr. Kim went ok. She was almost civil to him when she reminded him that he still had to serve two weeks of detention but then the matter would be closed.  
  
She dismissed him just before the first bell to go on to class. Ryan said goodbye to Sandy and Kirsten and headed out the door to class. He was a little worried when they didn't leave with him. They stayed behind in Dr. Kim's office with her. Neither one of them had said anything to him about what happened with Dr. Kim at the Disciplinary Committee meeting, so he didn't know how far they were going to pursue it.  
  
By lunchtime Ryan was feeling even better. His headache was going away, and no one had said anything to him about what happened. It was old news to most of them by the time he got back to school. He only saw Marissa once, in history class, but he sat with Luke so they didn't talk.  
  
At lunch he sat down at a table by himself. He didn't bother looking for Seth since Ryan knew he would be eating with Summer, who would be eating with Marissa so Ryan figured on eating alone. He was surprised when someone put their tray down next to his and even more surprised to look up and see Seth.  
  
"Hey, man. Haven't seen you all day." Seth said as he sat down, "How's it going? How you feeling? How was Dr. Kim's office?"  
  
"Fine," Ryan said, answering all three questions in one word. "Aren't you eating with Summer?" he asked.  
  
Seth shook his head and said, "Nope. She's having lunch with Marissa. You know, girl talk. Can't I eat with you? You know and have boy talk?"  
  
Ryan made a face at Seth and was about to tell him what he could do with his boy talk when Luke, Chip and Brad walked up and sat down. All three of them sitting at the same table as Ryan and Seth, that immediately made Seth very uptight.  
  
"Hey, Chino, Cohen. What's up?" Brad asked as he sat to eat. Well, at least he acknowledged me without hitting me, Seth thought, but he still was not sure if that were a good thing or not.  
  
However, Chip just ignored Seth. He turned to Ryan and asked,  
  
"Yo, Chino, how you doing?"  
  
Before Ryan could answer, Luke laughed,  
  
"Yah, man, I can't believe you made it. I thought for sure you'd be too hung over to make it back today."  
  
Ryan shrugged,  
  
"Had no choice. Besides, I wasn't that wasted."  
  
The three just snickered and gave a round of "yah, rights" before Luke continued,  
  
"So, what'd your folks say? You busted again like Cohen said you'd be?"  
  
Ryan just shrugged again. He was feeling pretty good as he told them,  
  
"Nah. They didn't even notice. I told you I wasn't that wasted!"  
  
Seth, who had originally planned on staying out of this conversation just started to laugh,  
  
"Are you kidding?" he said, "Dude, you walked into a door and two chairs. You used the words suck, ass and crap, not only in front of Mom, but TO Mom. You called Dr. Kim, Dr. Stick-up-her-ass, crack-her-face-if-she- smiled Kim and you think they didn't notice? Ry, they may be old, but they aren't stupid!"  
  
Everyone but Ryan laughed. He suddenly wasn't feeling too good.  
  
"But they didn't say anything," Ryan said, "I was with them all morning, and they didn't say a word."  
  
"Not yet," Seth said, "But believe me, they will. No doubt. Oh, and let me take this opportunity to say thanks! For yesterday, because I got yelled at first."  
  
Ryan asked, "You? Why would they yell at you?"  
  
"Not they, Mom. Because I knew when I called you that you were drunk, and I didn't say anything. So, if I got yelled at for just knowing you were drunk..."  
  
Seth didn't have to finish the sentence. Seth knew Mom wanted him grounded, and figured that's what Dad would do. He also knew Ryan understood as well. He was surprised to see that even Chip understood.  
  
"I guess this means no re-match this weekend." Chip said.  
  
Ryan signed, "I guess not." "But, hey," he added, "at least now you'll have more time to practice your Ratball!"  
  
"Ratball?" Seth asked as the other four, Ryan included, started to laugh. It was obviously an inside joke that Seth wasn't a part of. When and how did Ryan become one of these guys? Seth thought. He didn't like it, not at all. These guys were the same guys who had tormented him his whole life and who had enjoyed pummeling Ryan just a few months earlier. Now they were eating lunch with them, and Seth was watching them joke and fool around with Ryan. Ryan, his friend, his brother. He was still thinking about it, feeling sorry for himself when he heard Brad say,  
  
"Maybe we could go after school. You know, before your folks get home from work, and you get busted."  
  
Before Seth could open his mouth and say anything, Ryan said,  
  
"Can't. I still have detention for the next two weeks."  
  
That answer apparently wasn't good enough to deter Brad,  
  
"So, blow it off," he told Ryan, "If you're already going to get busted for yesterday, what difference does it make?"  
  
God, I really don't like these guys, Seth thought.  
  
"I don't think that's such a good idea," Seth said, "I mean, Ryan, how much more trouble do you want?"  
  
Ryan looked at Seth,  
  
"Why, how much trouble am I in?" Ryan had hoped for some more information from Seth, to know what he was in for when Sandy and Kirsten got home that night.  
  
Unfortunately, Seth just shrugged,  
  
"Don't really know. I do know that I was planning on not being home when you got home after detention, and if you decide to skip detention, please let me know so I can plan on staying out a lot longer."  
  
Luke felt kind of bad for Ryan. He figured he was partly to blame for getting Ryan trashed, but he was also annoyed at Cohen for not having Ryan's back with their parents.  
  
"I swear, Cohen," Luke said, "You can be such a little girl."  
  
Oh, so we're back to calling me names, Seth thought, but told Luke and his bullies,  
  
"Maybe so, but one who has to live with him," he said, pointing to Ryan, "and believe me, it isn't always easy, especially lately."  
  
"Seth," Ryan told him, "Don't worry. I'm not blowing off detention. I still have two weeks to get through, and believe me, I'm not looking to get into any more trouble."  
  
With that settled, they all quietly eat lunch for a while before Ryan asked,  
  
"I mean, how mad could they really be? We just had a couple of beers. I didn't commit any major crime, didn't get into a fight or in any kind of trouble. It really wasn't that big a deal."  
  
Seth wasn't sure if Ryan was trying to convince himself or the rest of them, but told him,  
  
"Yah, ok, Ryan. Go with that, and see how long it is before Dad lets you out this time."  
  
Ryan thought about what Seth said at lunch for the rest of the day. He was feeling better about everything up until that point. He knew that it was a big deal to Sandy and Kirsten if he drank. Kirsten made him aware of that the first night in Newport, when she caught him with a 7&7. That meant it was going to be a really big deal when he got home that night. He should have known.  
  
Yet another difference between living with the Cohens in Newport and the Atwood's in Chino, Ryan thought.  
  
Back in Chino, it wasn't a big deal for him to get completely wasted. No one cared. The only time anyone cared was when Ryan would drink Dawn's booze. Then she cared, or one of her boyfriends cared, and then they would care a little too much and way too harshly.  
  
But as Ryan continued to think about it, he realized that despite the lecture he knew was coming and despite how incredibly boring it was to be grounded; he knew that it was still better to be with the Cohens in Newport.  
  
At exactly 5:00pm, and not a second before, Ryan was dismissed from detention. The campus was pretty empty by then, and Ryan figured on a relatively nice walk home. He liked the walk. It helped him clear his head.  
  
Ryan got home by 5:30, and wasn't really happy to see Sandy's car already in the driveway. Crap, Ryan thought, he's usually not home before 6. I know that he's waiting for me, again. As Ryan walked into the kitchen, there was Sandy sitting at the table, and he was, obviously, waiting for Ryan.  
  
Trying to make a quick exit through the kitchen and out to the pool house, Ryan said,  
  
"Hey, I'm home."  
  
"Yah, hi," Sandy said as he stood up, "How was school?"  
  
Ryan gave his standard one word response that he had been using all day,  
  
"Fine," he said as he tried to inch closer to the door.  
  
"And detention?" Sandy asked, walking closer to the door to block Ryan's obvious quick exit.  
  
"The same," Ryan said. Keep it short; keep it short, he kept thinking.  
  
Then as Sandy stood between Ryan and the door, he looked at him and asked,  
  
"So, how's your hangover?"  
  
Ryan took two steps back. This was it, and he wasn't going to get out of it now. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try,  
  
"Hangover? What hangover? I'm not hung over."  
  
Sandy put his arm on Ryan's shoulder and said,  
  
"Yah. Ok. Sure. Sit down, Ryan," as he gently nudged Ryan over towards the bar stools.  
  
Christ, here we go, again, Ryan thought as he sat down on the same familiar bar stool, and waited yet again. First the lecture, and then the punishment. He was getting pretty used to it all now.  
  
When Sandy was sure that Ryan was not going anywhere, he folded his arms in front of him, leaned back against the counter and asked,  
  
"Would you like to explain now about yesterday with Luke?"  
  
Ryan tried to sound innocent and nonchalant,  
  
"Explain what?"  
  
"RYAN!" Sandy said, in a voice that Ryan knew meant he was serious, very serious. Ryan knew that it was time to start explaining and just get it over with.  
  
"I thought I told you last night. We took Luke's father's boat out to the bay and hung out there for a while. Then we went over to the batting cages where we met up with Chip and Brad and then we got something to eat and then I came home."  
  
"And the alcohol?" Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan signed,  
  
"Beer. Luke had it, on his father's boat. He said he thought I could use, you know, a couple, to unwind."  
  
"How many was a couple?" Sandy wanted the whole story.  
  
Ryan thought for a second and then said,  
  
"Um, I'm not really sure."  
  
"Ryan!" Sandy warned again.  
  
"No, really," Ryan explained, "I kind of, um, lost count. We were hanging out, talking and drinking. I hadn't planned on drinking that much. It just kind of happened."  
  
"That's a lame excuse and you know it," Sandy told him, "Drinking too much doesn't just happen. You decided to drink that much. That choice was yours."  
  
Ryan just nodded. He was talking to a lawyer, so he knew. He knew he had nothing to say in his own defense.  
  
Sandy continued,  
  
"We won't even go into the fact that you are only 16 years old. And the last time I checked, that was not the legal drinking age. Which makes what you did illegal."  
  
Illegal? Ryan hadn't thought about that.  
  
"Ok. I'm sorry," Ryan told him, "I know it was stupid, but we went out, had a good time and had too much to drink. It really wasn't something I had planned on. It really did just happen. I thought maybe a couple of beers would help me unwind, relax. It has been pretty stressful around here lately, to say the least. So when Luke offered to hang out with some beers, it sounded like a good idea."  
  
Sandy thought for a minute, and then he asked Ryan,  
  
"Ok. Then let me ask you this. How often do you think you need to drink to unwind and relax? How much alcohol do you need when you're faced with a stressful situation?"  
  
At first Ryan was confused by what Sandy was asking, but then it suddenly dawned on him,  
  
"Oh, come on, Sandy. What are you getting at? That I'm an alcoholic? What, like my mother?"  
  
Ryan couldn't believe what Sandy was saying, what he was implying, and Ryan was getting mad, really really mad.  
  
But Sandy stopped him before he could explode.  
  
"Just calm down, Ryan. No, that is NOT what I am saying," he told Ryan. But after a pause, he told him,  
  
"But that's what you're saying. That you needed the alcohol, because you were stressed, and that you needed it to unwind. Either you believe that, or you're handing me a line of bull. Which is it?"  
  
Ryan started to answer, "Sandy...." but couldn't continue. He didn't know what to say.  
  
"Come on, Ryan. I asked you a question. Which is it?" Sandy wanted Ryan's answer, his honest answer. But when Ryan still didn't respond, Sandy demanded,  
  
"ANSWER ME!"  
  
Ryan shot back,  
  
"It was a line of bull, alright. I didn't need it. I don't need it. I've never needed it. Most times I don't even like it. But yesterday just happened. And I know it was wrong, and I know it was illegal and I know you're mad, and I know I'm in trouble. And I'm sorry. But come on, Sandy, you never drank when you were my age?"  
  
"That's not the point," Sandy answered, "We're not talking about me. We're talking about you."  
  
But Sandy was satisfied with the answer Ryan gave him. It was the answer he had hoped for. He'd rather his son hand him a line of crap to get out of being punished then truly believe he needed alcohol to solve his problems.  
  
Sandy continued,  
  
"Kirsten and I are concerned about you, and what you're doing now. We want you to understand that there is never an acceptable excuse for getting drunk, and we will not tolerate it. We do not want it to happen again, and if for any reason, it does happen again, I can promise you that you will find yourself in more trouble then you will know what to do with. Is that understood?"  
  
Ryan nodded his head and said,  
  
"Yah. I understand. I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen again."  
  
With that said, Ryan got up to head out to the pool house. Sandy didn't say a word about being grounded this time, and he wanted to get out of there was quickly as possible before the subject came up.  
  
But Sandy stopped him,  
  
"Wait, Ryan. There's still something else we need to talk about."  
  
Now what, Ryan thought as he sat back down. Now what did I do?  
  
This time, though, Sandy seemed a lot more hesitant as he spoke,  
  
"Yah. Listen," he started, "I've been making some calls, and I think I may have found someone for you. To talk to."  
  
"Talk to?" Ryan asked, "You mean like a shrink?"  
  
"A therapist," Sandy corrected. "But yes," he continued, "Her name is Dr. Colefield, and she specializes in helping kids like you."  
  
"Kids like me?" Ryan repeated. What kids like me, he thought.  
  
Trying to find the right words, Sandy explained,  
  
"I mean foster kids. Who need help. Adjusting."  
  
"Adjusting?" Ryan repeated Sandy again.  
  
Yes, adjusting." Sandy told him, "to their new homes. New parents. New families. Adjusting to their new lives. I talked to her this afternoon. She seems really nice. I think you'll like her."  
  
Ryan just shrugged,  
  
"Yah, sure. Fine, what-ever."  
  
And either Sandy didn't hear Ryan or didn't believe him as he continued to explain to Ryan,  
  
"Ryan. We think this is for the best, for you. Help you work out what you need to work out. I hope you know that Kirsten and I and Seth are still here for you and always will be. But Dr. Colefield. She's a professional, someone impartial who isn't so emotionally involved.."  
  
Ryan interrupted him before he could continue,  
  
"Sandy. I said it was fine. I told you I would go. I'll go. Just tell me when and where."  
  
"Oh, ok." Was the only response Sandy had. Ryan was agreeing? This was a little too easy, he thought.  
  
Well," Sandy told him, "your appointment is for tomorrow at 4:30."  
  
"But I still have detention till 5." Ryan reminded him.  
  
"I've already worked it out with the school." Sandy said, "You will have detention until 4. I will pick you up then."  
  
"Ok. Fine. I still have some homework to catch up on. So can I... Are we done?" Ryan asked as he gestured towards the door.  
  
Sandy nodded,  
  
"Yah, sure. Go ahead. I'll call you when dinner's ready." It wasn't often that Sandy was left speechless. This time, however, he truly was.  
  
As Ryan walked out the door and headed for the pool house, he remembered what Luke had said.....  
  
Therapy - every Newport parent's answer to a problem. And obviously, Kirsten and Sandy were Newport parents. They said they wanted to be his Newport parents, which meant Ryan was going to therapy. 


	11. Still more trouble to come

Seth got home a little after 6. He waited at the door for a minute, and when he didn't hear lecturing or shouting, he headed towards the kitchen. He was surprised to see Sandy sitting at the table alone, reading something. Or pretending to read something, Seth wasn't sure.  
  
Sandy looked up when he heard someone walk in.  
  
"Hey, you're home! How was school?" he said.  
  
"Fine. Um, where is everyone?" Seth asked, wondering where Ryan was, praying he was chained to the wall in the pool house, and hadn't blown off detention like Brad wanted him to.  
  
Sandy started to clean up the papers he had been reading,  
  
"Your mom just called. She should be here soon with dinner. Set the table for me, will you."  
  
"And Ryan?" Seth asked tentatively.  
  
"Doing homework," Sandy replied.  
  
Seth was relieved. Truly relieved.  
  
"Oh, so he came home. Good."  
  
Sandy stopped and looked at Seth, wondering what Seth meant.  
  
"Yes. He's home. Detention was over at 5:00, and he got home around 5:30. It's after 6, where else would he be?"  
  
"Um, no place." Seth quickly answered.  
  
"Is he in the pool house? Is he locked in or are visiting hours allowed?" Seth asked as he pointed in that direction.  
  
Sandy really wasn't in the mood for Seth's humor. Not tonight.  
  
"Seth, what are you talking about?"  
  
It really wasn't a question. More of a demand, especially combined with the look on Sandy's face.  
  
Seth noticed the look, and he recognized it as well. He figured whatever happened between Ryan and his dad didn't go well, not for Sandy to be this upset. He figured Ryan refused to go to therapy, and they must have had a fight about it.  
  
"Nothing," Seth answered, "I'm just saying. You said you were going to talk to Ryan. I was wondering how it went. You know, the drinking, the therapy. What Ryan had to say."  
  
"I really think that's between Ryan and me. Not you. If he wants to tell you about it, that's up to him." Sandy informed him.  
  
Sandy's voice softened a little with this, but not enough for Seth to continue to question him. Luckily, he didn't get the chance, as Seth noticed Kirsten coming in, carrying dinner.  
  
"Alright!" Seth exclaimed, "Dinner's here!"  
  
Kirsten laughed, "Nice to see you too, Seth."  
  
Sandy took the bag from Kirsten and turned to Seth,  
  
"Seth, why don't you go tell Ryan that dinner will be ready in half an hour."  
  
"But Dad, dinner's right there." Seth said, pointing to the bag.  
  
"Now Seth!" Sandy snapped.  
  
"Ok, ok, I'm going." Seth mumbled as he walked out towards the pool house.  
  
"What's wrong?" Kirsten asked, "Is it Ryan? What did he say about therapy? About yesterday?"  
  
Sandy told her, "He explained about yesterday. I believe that it was just a one-time occurrence, and he doesn't intend on letting it happen again. I didn't ground him this time, but I warned him not to let it happen again or I would. He promised it wouldn't."  
  
Kirsten then asked, "And about therapy? What did he say about going?"  
  
Sandy shrugged, "He agreed."  
  
"So, what's wrong?" Kirsten questioned.  
  
"I mean, he agreed." Sandy said, "To easily. No arguments. No debates. Nothing. He just said ok, sure."  
  
Kirsten still wasn't sure why Sandy would be upset. Ryan agreed. There was nothing to be upset about then.  
  
Kirsten asked, "So, again, what's wrong?"  
  
"Kirsten," Sandy explained, "We both know Ryan says the things he thinks people want to hear. He never tells you how he feels. I'm just afraid that's what he's doing. He's just telling us he'll go because he knows that's what we want to hear."  
  
"It doesn't matter why he agreed, as long as he goes." Kirsten told him, "You said Dr. Colefield comes highly recommended. If she is really that good, then Ryan won't be able to fool her. He won't be able to just say the words he thinks she wants to hear. She'll be able to draw him out, and get him to talk. She'll be able to help him."  
  
"I hope so." Sandy answered, but Kirsten noticed that he still seemed upset.  
  
"Sandy, what else is wrong? There's something else you haven't told me. What else happened?"  
  
"I was hoping to get a little more information before I said anything, but...." Sandy didn't even know how to continue, and that made Kirsten very nervous.  
  
"What? What is it?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Sandy looked at Kirsten and told her,  
  
"I received a phone call late this afternoon from one of my old contacts at Child Services, Madeline Jackson. She said that she saw a report, on Ryan. It was from the Harbor School. She said that there's going to be an investigation, because of everything that happened. Ryan's fighting, breaking into the school, Oliver's suicide. She said she doesn't have all the specifics yet, but she'll keep me informed. She thought I should know about it now so we can be prepared."  
  
"Oh, God." Kirsten said, "What did Ryan say? Is he ok?"  
  
Sandy shook his head,  
  
"I didn't tell him. We discussed yesterday and we talked about therapy. I thought it was best to keep this from him for right now. He's been through enough already without this weighing on his mind."  
  
"Why? Why would Dr. Kim do this? I thought this was all finally settled?" Kirsten was getting very upset, again. She couldn't believe Dr. Kim would have it in for Ryan this much that she would report him to Child Services.  
  
"Kirsten," Sandy explained, " Child Services maintains a file on Ryan, and the Harbor School is required to send their reports concerning Ryan's academics to them as part of this file. They've been doing it the whole time Ryan's been going there. Unfortunately this time, the report contained everything Ryan did."  
  
"Look," Sandy continued, "We both knew that there would be follow ups on Ryan's progress, on his life here with us in Newport. They just can't give you custody of a teenage boy and never follow up, especially one with Ryan's background. I had figured, however, that it would be some time before we heard from them. Child Services, on the whole, is very understaffed, and their social workers are very over worked and very under paid. Unless a situation arises, it's usually a while before a routine visit. But with everything that's happened, Madeline said they're starting an investigation now."  
  
Clearly upset, Kirsten asked,  
  
"What kind of investigation? You're not saying that there's a chance we could lose Ryan? I mean, they would never consider taking Ryan from us, would they?"  
  
Sandy hated what he could see this was doing to Kirsten, but they needed to be prepared.  
  
"Yes," he told her, "I think they can take Ryan from us. If they decide he would be better off in a group home or with another foster family, then yes, they could and they will take Ryan from us."  
  
"Sandy, this is crazy," Kirsten cried, "Ryan is happy here, and we're happy having him here. Everything with Oliver is behind us. Why would they do that now? Why would they want to come in and break up a happy home, Ryan's first and probably only happy home!"  
  
Even though he agreed with Kirsten, he had to explain to her,  
  
"All they see right now is what's been reported to them, and Madeline says on paper, it doesn't look good. Ryan was caught breaking into the school, and then was caught attacking another student. He was then with that same student when Oliver committed suicide. According to Madeline, it appears that we have no control over Ryan. That he is a danger to himself and others, and that we aren't capable of handling him. On paper, this is not a happy home, and therefore, Ryan couldn't possibly be happy here."  
  
Now Kirsten was getting angry,  
  
"We have control, and we are more than capable of handling Ryan! You need to tell them that. You need to tell them that we punished Ryan for everything he did. That we talked to Ryan. That he understands what he did wrong. That we're taking him to therapy. That we want what's best for Ryan. That we are what's best for Ryan, and that we love him. Sandy, you need to tell them that. Have their file reflect THAT."  
  
"Kirsten," Sandy said, trying to calm her as best he could, "It doesn't do any good to get upset at this point. Madeline is trying to get the case reassigned to her, or to someone she knows. Either way, we will get a chance to talk to whoever gets the case. Explain our side. Explain to them how we handled the whole situation. Hopefully, the fact that we have Ryan in therapy will help. Show that we realize Ryan has some unresolved issues that we are addressing. They'll also be talking to Ryan as well as Seth."  
  
"No." Kirsten said, "I don't want them talking to either one of the boys. Why can't we handle this without them being involved? I don't want either one of them upset by this until we know for sure what Child Services is going to do."  
  
Kirsten was in her full protective mother mode, but this time, Sandy knew it wouldn't do any good, not this time. As much as he hated it, he knew both boys were going to be fully involved in this, and both were going to be very affected by it as well.  
  
"They need to talk to both boys," Sandy explained, "They'll ask Seth about Ryan. You know, how he feels about Ryan, what he thinks of Ryan living here and so forth. And whether we like it or not, Ryan is involved in all of this more than any of us. It's his life, his future we're talking about. They will interview him extensively. The Social Worker will ask him about what happened. Why he did what he did, as well as our reaction to it all. They'll also ask him how he feels about living here, and being a part of this family."  
  
Despite the fact Kirsten didn't like that some Social Worker would be questioning both kids, she accepted that it was going to happen, and figured at least something good would come of it. She told Sandy,  
  
"Ok, then, once we all explain our side to them, then it will all be settled. They'll see that even though things looked bad, we handled it well, and as a family. And everything will be fine. No one is taking Ryan away from this family without a fight."  
  
Sandy said, "Of course, we'll fight. But we also need to be prepared in case it's not enough. Remember, it wasn't that easy to convince Child Services to grant us custody in the first place. They warned us back then that we needed to keep Ryan out of trouble. The fact that after only seven months Ryan was in a great deal of trouble doesn't look good. For any of us."  
  
"Look," Sandy continued, "Rachel and Tim Weaver from my office are both looking into a few things that may be able to help us. We're not supposed to know about this investigation yet. Madeline was doing me a favor, a big favor, by calling me ahead of time. Technically, the investigation hasn't even officially started. Maybe Rachel and Tim can come up with something that may help us when it does begin. I'll know more tomorrow."  
  
Before Kirsten could respond, she saw Seth and Ryan approaching the house. She also didn't want either one of them to know about any of this. Not yet. Not until the last possible moment.  
  
"Is it chow time yet?" Seth groaned, "we hid out in Ryan's room for as long as we could so you get your parental stuff out of the way, but we're growing boys, we need to eat! Feed us!"  
  
Ryan didn't say anything, instead he started to set the table. He knew the 'parental stuff' Seth was talking about concerned him so he thought it was better to let Seth do the whining, not him. He figured he wasn't totally in the clear yet about getting drunk with Luke, since he hadn't seen Kirsten yet. He thought maybe she would have one or two more things to say to him before she would let the matter drop.  
  
Fortunately, no one said anything else about it as they all sat down for dinner. Seth dominated the conversation, as usual, with the latest adventures in the Seth and Summer affair. Ryan noticed that Kirsten seemed upset about something. He figured she was still mad at him for getting drunk with Luke, and maybe mad at Sandy because he didn't ground Ryan for it. He knew he should apologize to her as well, but wasn't really sure how to bring it up.  
  
Seth was actually the one who brought the conversation back to Ryan and his new friendship with Luke, Brad and Chip. He had wanted Ryan to go out with him and Summer on Friday night, and was upset when Ryan told him he already had plans with the three of them. Seth knew his mother also didn't like the idea of Ryan hanging out with Luke, Brad or Chip. If Ryan wasn't willing to listen to him, he knew Ryan would have little choice but to listen to her.  
  
"So, Ryan," Seth asked, even though he knew the answer, "what big plans do you and your friends have for this weekend? What could be so important that you would be so willing to miss Summer's first visit to the IMAX?"  
  
"Batting cages." Ryan grunted at Seth, with a look that could kill.  
  
"Batting cages?" Kirsten questioned, "and with which friends? When were you planning on telling us?"  
  
"Same friends as last time," Ryan answered, "The plans aren't definite yet. It's only Monday. We're not going until Friday. Sometime between now and Friday, we'll firm up the plans, and then I would have asked."  
  
"No." Kirsten told him, "I don't think it's a good idea. I'd rather you go with Seth and Summer to the movies, and not out with the three of them again."  
  
"Kirsten......" Ryan started to say, but was interrupted by Kirsten before he could continue,  
  
"I said no, Ryan. I don't like the idea of you hanging out with Luke, Chip or Brad. They're trouble, and you don't need to be associating with them."  
  
"Kirsten," Ryan started again, "I know you're mad about yesterday, and I'm sorry. I really am. It was stupid, but it was all my fault, not theirs. No one made me get drunk. I did that on my own. And I promise, it won't happen again."  
  
"You're right. It was stupid. It was your fault, and it won't happen again." Kirsten told him, "but I still do not like you hanging out with Luke, Chip or Brad. I would rather you go to the movies with Seth and Summer."  
  
"I'd rather not be the third wheel." Ryan said.  
  
"Then you can stay home." Kirsten told him.  
  
Those were his only two choices? Ryan looked from Kirsten to Sandy who just nodded his head in agreement. He then looked at Seth, again with a look that could kill. A look that said he was going to kill, and Seth was the one he was going to kill.  
  
"Then I guess I'm staying home," Ryan finally said.  
  
Everyone was quiet for the rest of dinner. Kirsten and Sandy kept looking at each other and then at both Ryan and Seth, without saying much more. Seth didn't say anything else because he felt a little guilty about the trouble he caused for Ryan. He didn't want Ryan to become close with three of the jocks who had made his life so miserable, but he also didn't want to be the reason Ryan was now miserable. And Ryan had nothing else to say, because he was mad. He was mad at Seth for opening his big mouth. He was mad at Kirsten for basically grounding him without saying so, and for taking Seth's side in the whole Luke, Brad, Chip debate. And he was mad at Sandy for letting it all happen.  
  
After dinner, Ryan left for the pool house, claiming to have more homework to finish, and Seth went up to his room, claiming to have homework to finish. And Sandy and Kirsten were again alone in the kitchen.  
  
Once he was sure both boys were gone, he turned to Kirsten and said,  
  
"You can't keep him under lock and key from now on."  
  
"I'm not keeping him under lock and key, Sandy." Kirsten answered, "I told him he could go with Seth and Summer to the IMAX. I don't like those kids. They're trouble, and Ryan does not need any more trouble. You said it yourself, we need to be prepared for when this investigation starts. Therefore, we need to keep him away from any possibility of trouble and that means Luke, Brad and Chip."  
  
"Yeah, and how do you plan on doing that without telling him about the Child Services investigation?" Sandy asked.  
  
The question was more rhetorical. Both Sandy and Kirsten knew that "because I said so" wasn't an acceptable reason for any 16 year old boy, and would definitely not work on Ryan.  
  
Kirsten thought about it for a minute and then told Sandy,  
  
"Maybe we should tell him. Tell them both. It'll be hard for them to hear, but maybe if they know what we're facing, they'll know to behave. Especially Ryan. He will know that he has to stay out of any kind of trouble."  
  
Sandy shook his head,  
  
"Kirsten, we can't. That's too much for any 16 year old to handle, but especially Ryan. He'll blame himself for everything, and I think it would cause more harm then good. Let's just wait to see what Rachel and Tim can come up with. And wait to see what Madeline finds out."  
  
When Kirsten looked like she was going to cry, Sandy hugged her as tightly as he could and told her,  
  
"I promise, we'll get through this. I don't know how, but we will get through this."  
  
He said it even though he didn't really believe it, and Kirsten listened, even though she didn't believe it either. 


	12. Seth & Ryan talk

While Sandy and Kirsten were having their talk in the kitchen before dinner, Seth went out to have his own talk with Ryan.  
  
Seth left the kitchen a little concerned about the way Sandy acted. He seemed upset about something, and Seth wanted to know what happened with Ryan this time. Sandy told him it wasn't any of his business. Seth figured he could get Ryan to tell him.  
  
"Hey, man, what's up?" Seth said, as he walked into the pool house, without knocking of course.  
  
"Hum, homework," Ryan answered, without looking up from his textbook.  
  
"No, I mean with Dad." Seth explained, "I mean he really pissed or what?"  
  
"Or what" was all Ryan would say, still not looking up from his homework.  
  
Seth was getting annoyed. Something happened and no one is talking. It was driving him nuts.  
  
"Come on, Clay," he said, "Give it up. What happened?"  
  
"Clay?" Ryan asked, but was thinking, now what the hell is Seth talking about?  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm older. I get to be Kavalier." Seth explained. But when he saw Ryan give him a look of total confusion, he continued,  
  
"Ya know, Kavalier & Clay. To guys, completely different, who become brothers. Sound familiar? I'm older. I get to be Kavalier."  
  
Ryan just shook his head in disbelief. Sometimes Seth really did live in his own little world.  
  
"Yeah, sure, Seth, what ever you say." Ryan said, "Is there a point to all of this?"  
  
"Yes. There is a point!" Seth said, "My point is I want to know what happened between you and Dad."  
  
Ryan shrugged,  
  
"Nothing happened."  
  
Seth didn't believe that. Something had to have happened,  
  
"Nothing? Come on, Ryan. He practically bit my head off when I came home, and when Mom got home with dinner, he sent me out here. Told me dinner would be ready in half an hour. Obviously, they wanted private time. What did you say?"  
  
Ryan finally put down the textbook. He figured the quicker he explained it to Seth, the quicker he could get back to his homework,  
  
"Nothing. He didn't seem mad when I talked to him. I mean, he was mad, but I'm not grounded or anything. He lectured, and said not to let it happen again. That was it. Why, what did he say to you?"  
  
"He told me what happened between the two of you wasn't any of my business." Seth told him.  
  
Ryan agreed, "Well, it's not."  
  
"Maybe not," Seth said, "but then why did he want to talk to Mom alone?"  
  
Ryan picked up his book again. He really needed to get to his homework.  
  
"I don't know," he answered, "maybe its not about me. Maybe this time it's about you. Did ya think of that? What have you been doing lately? Maybe you're the one in trouble."  
  
Seth told him, "It's not about me. I haven't done anything."  
  
Ryan turned back to his homework, leaving Seth with the chance to think about it some more.  
  
"What about therapy? What did you say?" he asked Ryan. He knew he was risking making Ryan mad, but someone had to tell him what was going on.  
  
Ryan just shrugged his shoulders and didn't answer. He didn't even look up from his homework.  
  
"See, it is about you!" Seth told him, "What, did you refuse to go? Is that why he's mad? Ryan, you know, it's not such a horrible idea......"  
  
Ryan snapped, "I know!"  
  
"Look, Seth," he continued, "I didn't refuse to go. I said I would go, I'll go. Ok?"  
  
Seth was a little shocked.  
  
"Oh. Ok. Why did you change your mind? I mean, not that it's a bad thing. I'm glad, but what made you change your mind?"  
  
Ryan seemed a little matter of fact when he told Seth,  
  
"Luke said it wasn't that bad. That I should try it, and if it's going to make them happy and get them off my back, then I'll try it."  
  
And again, Seth was shocked.  
  
"Luke said. Since when did you start taking advise from Luke? And how would Luke know what going to therapy was like?"  
  
Ryan just shrugged his shoulders again, and again attempted to go back to working on his homework. It wasn't up to him to tell Seth about Luke's business. He knew what Seth thought of Luke, and he didn't want to hear about it anymore.  
  
Seth sat down, and tried to continue the conversation,  
  
"You do know that the purpose of therapy is to talk....."  
  
"Yeah, and?" Ryan said, still trying to work on his homework.  
  
"And......." Seth continued, "You know you're not exactly the most talkative person I've ever met. It should be interesting. You in therapy. I mean, I'm not saying you shouldn't go. You should. You just need to remember that you need to talk!"  
  
Now Ryan was getting annoyed. He wasn't exactly sure what Seth wanted, except maybe to annoy him. If that were the case, then at least he was succeeding.  
  
"Seth," he told him, "I really do have some homework I need to finish. With everything that's gone on, my grades aren't going to be all that great this term, and I really need to work on them. So, if you have a point to all of this, get to it."  
  
"No real point," Seth said, "Just killing time, waiting for Mom and Dad to finish talking about what ever you did this time, so we can eat."  
  
"I didn't do anything!" Ryan shot back. "Look, you want to stay, then stay quietly."  
  
It took all of maybe a minute and a half before Seth couldn't take the quiet anymore, and start talking again.  
  
"You know, it could still be about yesterday. Mom really wasn't happy with you yesterday. Actually, she was pretty pissed. I'm sure they're still talking about it. Maybe Dad didn't ground you, but Mom hasn't had her say yet."  
  
"Seth," Ryan said, "If what ever they're talking about is about me, then I'm sure one of them will tell me. And if it's about you, I'm sure they will tell you, too. Either way, shut up and let me do my homework."  
  
"You know," Seth continued, as if Ryan hadn't even said anything, "it could be about you hanging out with Luke, Chip and Brad. Mom didn't like that either."  
  
"Why would she have a problem with them? She doesn't even know them!" Ryan told him.  
  
"She doesn't need to KNOW them. She knows all ABOUT them." Seth answered.  
  
"Come on, man," Seth continued, "they made your first month or so here kind of rough, wouldn't you say? That's enough for her. It should be for you, too. Now suddenly you're hanging out with them, eating lunch with them, becoming one of them. What gives?"  
  
"Well," Ryan said, trying to pick his words carefully, "It's pretty easy to see now where Luke was coming from this summer. Marissa was his girlfriend, and she kept leaving him over and over to be with me. She was supposed to be with him, and she wasn't. She was with me, claiming that we were only friends, and expecting him to understand. I now know how Luke felt. Why he wanted to kick my ass so much. It's pretty much how I felt."  
  
Seth thought about it for a minute before asking,  
  
"Maybe so, but what about Chip and Brad? They shouldn't have had any problems with you."  
  
"Why not?" Ryan said, "They're Luke's friends. It was their jobs to have his back."  
  
"Unlike me." Seth said, with a great deal of hurt in his voice.  
  
"Seth, I didn't say that." Ryan told him.  
  
But Seth knew,  
  
"You didn't have to," he replied.  
  
"Look,' Ryan started, trying to use as soothing a voice as he could, "we've already been through this. I'm not going through it again. We're past it. I really need to get through this history homework. So can we please just drop it?"  
  
Seth just hung his head and slightly nodded his head,  
  
"Fine, you want to drop it. I can drop it." But then after only a slight pause said,  
  
"But you know, it doesn't explain why they made my life a living hell for pretty much forever."  
  
"Yeah, I know. They peed in your shoes, you've told me. I don't know what to tell you, Seth. They didn't like you. You didn't like them. It doesn't really have a whole lot to do with me, right now. Who else am I supposed to hang out with?" Ryan said as he turned back to his homework, hoping to talk and work at the same time, since Seth was obviously not going to shut up.  
  
"What about me?" Seth asked him, "You know Seth – Ryan time. Remember that?"  
  
Ryan nodded his head and countered,  
  
"Yeah, but what about Seth – Summer time. You've had a lot of that lately."  
  
Seth just smiled. Ryan was right about that. He had a whole lot of Seth – Summer time recently, and loved it. And now that he had Summer, he wished Ryan would have someone again. Like Marissa.  
  
"Well, you know," he told Ryan, "if you and Marissa made up, it could be Seth-Summer-Ryan-Marissa time. That would be awesome!"  
  
Sometimes, Ryan thought, sometimes Seth really was without a clue. To Seth, life would just be so great if Ryan just forgot everything and made up with Marissa. Act as if nothing happened at all, and that way they could all double date. Unfortunately for Seth, though, Ryan didn't see it that way.  
  
"I don't think Marissa and I are going to make up." Ryan informed him, "At least not now, anyway. Maybe not ever. Who knows. I can't, I don't trust her."  
  
Even though Seth doubted Ryan would believe him, he actually did understand how Ryan felt. He knew Marissa was the first girl Ryan ever loved. Ryan told him that. Marissa was also the first person Ryan truly believed in and trusted. Seth never really understood that though, but at least he was willing to trust someone. Unfortunately, Marissa destroyed that trust, and they were all lucky it didn't completely destroy Ryan as well. He had hoped, though, that Ryan would be able to forgive Marissa, like he forgave Seth. Or at least, he said he forgave Seth. Seth really wasn't completely sure about that, either.  
  
"Fine," he told Ryan, "I'm not going to push it. You can just hang out with me and Summer then."  
  
Ryan just shot Seth a look over his textbook. That didn't exactly sound like a whole lot of fun to Ryan.  
  
"Yeah," Seth continued, "I mean this Friday, I'm taking Summer to the IMAX. Her first time. You should come. It'll be a lot of fun."  
  
"Thanks, but I've got plans already." Ryan told him, still trying real hard to get through his history assignment and listen to Seth at the same time.  
  
"Oh yeah, that's right." Seth said, with a mixture of sarcasm and anger, "You have Ratball."  
  
Ryan just laughed, "Yeah," was all he said.  
  
Seth just shook his head and mumbled,  
  
"I don't get it. I don't get you, with them. I just don't get it at all."  
  
Ryan just shrugged his shoulders and said,  
  
"Sorry."  
  
He didn't really mean it, though. He just wanted Seth to be quiet. He couldn't explain to Seth why he liked hanging out with Luke, Chip or Brad. He just did. They reminded him a little of some of the friends he used to have, back in Chino. Luke was the only one who believed Ryan about Oliver. Seth didn't. And as for Chip and Brad. They backed Luke up when he was fighting with Ryan. Seth never backed Ryan up in his fight with Oliver.  
  
But Ryan accepted Seth's apology. Seth just didn't know how it worked. He had never been faced with anything like that before. Hell, before Ryan, Seth never even had a real friend. But Ryan knew. He knew that if there was ever another time, Seth would be there. Ryan honestly believed that Seth would know to have his back. Ryan was willing to give Seth another chance because he truly believed that.  
  
That didn't mean Ryan didn't also want to hang out with some guys who already understood how it worked. That's why he intended to continue to hang out with Luke, Brad and Chip, no matter how Seth felt.  
  
Unfortunately, how Seth felt was hurt. Ryan could tell that when Seth said,  
  
"Come on, it's been over a half an hour. Let's go eat."  
  
"I'm never going to get through this," Ryan joked as he threw his books to the side and got off the bed.  
  
"You think they're mad now," he told Seth as they walked out of the pool house, "Wait till grades come out."  
  
Ryan was only half joking, until he looked into the kitchen and saw Sandy and Kirsten. What ever they were talking about must have been pretty serious. They both looked pretty upset. And Ryan just had a sinking feeling that it was about him, again. Maybe Seth was right, Ryan thought, maybe it's Kirsten's turn to lecture him about the day before. At least Ryan hoped that was it.  
  
So much for having my back, Ryan thought as he returned to the pool house after dinner. He couldn't believe Seth would intentionally get him into trouble with Kirsten just because he wouldn't go to the friggin' IMAX with him and Summer on Friday. They all complained about how Ryan was acting out because he was jealous of Oliver. And now here was Seth, acting like a big spoiled baby. All upset because Ryan wanted to go out with other friends, and wouldn't be there, waiting for Seth to come play with him whenever he felt like it. Like Ryan was nothing more than a new toy for Seth to take out of the box and play with whenever he felt like it.  
  
Of course, he still couldn't figure out Kirsten or Sandy either. Sure, he screwed up the day before, but he and Sandy talked. And Sandy told him he would only be punished if he did it again. Now Kirsten was telling him he couldn't hang out with anyone other then Seth. How fair was that? Obviously, despite what they told him, they still didn't trust him. He needed Seth as a babysitter.  
  
And yet, I'm the one who needs therapy, he thought, lying on his bed, forgetting that he still had massive amounts of history homework to get through.  
  
He thought about it a little while longer and decided that obviously he did need it, because if this is how a family works, he didn't get it. Not at all.  
  
Sometimes, it really was easier in Chino. 


	13. Tuesday & Therapy what a long day

The next morning, Ryan woke up late, and in a nasty mood. He had to stay up pretty late to finish the history assignment and then had trouble falling asleep. He briefly thought about just blowing off school, heading down to the pier and hanging out. But he knew Dr. Kim would call looking for him, and letting Sandy know he cut school. He knew that wouldn't be good. He had gotten into enough trouble lately, besides he still had detention and "therapy" after school. None of this helped Ryan's foul mood.  
  
This is going to be a really long day, Ryan thought, as he headed for the kitchen and some much needed coffee.  
  
"Really long," he mumbled when he opened the door and saw that all three Cohens were still in the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, I was just coming out to see if you were ok," Sandy told him.  
  
"Fine. Overslept, that's all." Ryan answered.  
  
"Would you like some breakfast?" Kirsten asked.  
  
But Ryan really wasn't in the mood to hang out with them in the kitchen. It was easier to get to school and grab something at the Student Center.  
  
"No, thanks," he told her, "I've got to get going. I still have some work I've got to catch up on before school starts."  
  
"See ya later." He added as he headed out of the kitchen.  
  
"Summer will be here soon to give us a ride if you want to just hanging out for a minute." Seth finally said to Ryan. He wasn't sure if Ryan was still mad at him from the night before. When he saw the look Ryan gave him, he knew, however, that he was.  
  
"Gotta go now." Ryan grunted back.  
  
Before Ryan could get any further out of the kitchen, Sandy spoke up,  
  
"Then wait up. I'll give you a ride."  
  
Ryan just sighed. What was it with these people that he just couldn't be left alone? He was tired and not in the mood today, so he politely told Sandy,  
  
"No really, you don't have to bother. I can walk."  
  
Sandy told him,  
  
"No bother. I've got to get to court any way."  
  
Ryan just looked at him. They both knew in Sandy's new job, he never went to court.  
  
"Settlement conference," Sandy added, since he knew Ryan thought he was lying.  
  
After they both left, Seth looked at Kirsten and said,  
  
"Well, I guess he's still mad at us."  
  
"Mad at us?" Kirsten repeated.  
  
"Yeah, mad at us," Seth explained, "Me for telling you about Luke and his gang and you for not letting him hang out with them."  
  
"Well, he can get over it. The last thing Ryan needs is to be hanging out with a group of kids who could get him into any more trouble." Kirsten responded.  
  
"Mom," Seth started with a smile, "Need I remind you that Ryan doesn't need help getting into trouble!" He was joking, but Kirsten didn't see it that way.  
  
"And neither do you," she shot back, "or do I need to remind you about your little trip to Mexico or my car in the parking lot of the IMAX?"  
  
Lucky for Seth the conversation was interrupted by the sound of a car horn,  
  
"Oh look, Summer's here! Bye." Seth said as he quickly made his way out the door.  
  
As Sandy and Ryan passed Summer's car, Sandy turned to Ryan,  
  
"If you want, I can drop you off and you can get catch a ride with Summer, if you'd rather."  
  
"I could also walk," Ryan said.  
  
"Fine, then, I guess I'm driving you," Sandy said. And then when he noticed Ryan taking out one of his textbooks he asked him,  
  
"Are you really that far behind? I thought the school gave you all your work while you were out."  
  
Ryan didn't look up but admitted,  
  
"Well, with everything that's gone on, my grades aren't all that great right now. So I'm trying to work on them."  
  
"Don't worry about it so much," Sandy told him, "We understand, this time. We know you'll bring them back up."  
  
When Ryan didn't answer, he reminded him,  
  
"Don't forget. I'll pick you up at 4, sharp. Ok?"  
  
Ryan just turned and looked out the window and gave Sandy a vague, soft,  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy started to explain, again, "We really are just trying to do what's best for you...."  
  
What's best for me? Ryan thought. They're always saying that. When they grounded me and refused to listen to me about Oliver, it was what's best for me. When they told they preferred I not see Marissa, it was what's best for me. When Kirsten told me I couldn't hang out with Luke and his friends, it was what's best for me. And of course, therapy. What's best for me. They barely even know me, and yet they know what's best for me? But Ryan didn't say that to Sandy. He just looked at him.  
  
As they pulled into the school parking lot, Sandy reached for his wallet and asked,  
  
"Do you need any money to get something to eat?"  
  
"Nah, it's ok." Ryan told him, "Actually, I still have the money you gave me the other day. I've been meaning to give it back to you."  
  
Sandy held up his hand and told him,  
  
"No. Keep it. Just in case."  
  
"But I don't need it." Ryan told him.  
  
"Well, keep it any way." Sandy insisted, "And remember, 4 o'clock."  
  
"Yeah, thanks, bye." Ryan said quickly as he got out of the car and headed towards the school.  
  
Sandy watched Ryan walk away before he pulled away. He knew Ryan was upset. But he and Kirsten were upset, too. They needed to reach Ryan, help him. Make him understand and accept being a part of their family. Now the risk of losing him was too great. Sandy headed to work, hoping that Tim and Rachel had some information that could help them, plus he wanted to give Madeline at Child Services a call to see if she had any more information.  
  
Ryan spent most of the morning in the same miserable mood. By lunch, he had wished he had blown off the day and just risked Sandy finding out. As he sat by himself, he thought about blowing out for the rest of the day, but realized he would have too much explaining to do for just a couple of hours. He was still brooding about it when Seth sat down next to him.  
  
"Hey. Um, not sure if I can sit here, but well, if you're going to hit me, do it quickly and please not the face!" Seth was trying to joke.  
  
"Seth," Ryan said, "I'm not going to hit you."  
  
"Oh, you're not?" Seth asked, "That's great!"  
  
Small things make Seth so happy, Ryan thought.  
  
"No, I'm not." Ryan told him, "I'm not in the mood to get suspended again, or grounded for even longer."  
  
"Oh," Seth said, sounding a little disappointed, "I thought it was a brotherly love thing."  
  
"You wish!" Ryan snidely told him.  
  
"Look, Ry," Seth tried to explain, "I didn't know she'd go all parental on you like that......"  
  
"Seth," Ryan cut him off, "she did exactly what you thought she would do. You knew that she was still mad about Sunday, and you knew she was mad that Sandy let me get away with it. So save it. You knew what she would do, and guess what, you got your way!"  
  
Before their argument could go any further, Luke, Brad and Chip joined Ryan and Seth again at their table. "Hey" all three said as they sat down.  
  
"So, we on for Friday?" Brad asked, "Ya know, Chip went down again yesterday to practice!"  
  
"Nope, can't." Ryan told them.  
  
Luke nodded,  
  
"Busted again, huh?"  
  
"Yeah." Ryan answered.  
  
"Ryan," Seth corrected, "she never said you were grounded."  
  
"Well then if you're not grounded," Chip asked, "than what's up?"  
  
Ryan pointed at Seth and said,  
  
"I can only go out with my babysitter here."  
  
"I'm not your babysitter." Seth started. He didn't really like this side of Ryan - the side that got along with these guys.  
  
"So, Cohen, you come to." Luke said. It really wasn't much of a request. More like a statement.  
  
"I have plans with Summer." Seth told them.  
  
"So bring Summer, too." Brad told him.  
  
"Summer at the batting cages? Nah, I don't think so." Seth said. He really just wanted these guys to leave him alone, and leave Ryan alone. But Ryan seemed to enjoy being with them.  
  
"Why not? I bet she could hit better then you!" Chip loved to insult Seth. He didn't like the kid.  
  
"Well, thanks, Chip," Seth replied snidely. "Oh, look, there's Summer now. I think I'll go see how she's doing. Bye Ryan."  
  
As Seth walked away, Chip turned to Ryan and told him,  
  
"I don't know how you can stand living with that kid, Chino!"  
  
But before Ryan could say anything, Luke said,  
  
"He's really not that bad once you get to know him."  
  
And Brad agreed,  
  
"Yeah, I mean, Summer's really into him so there's got to be something there."  
  
"Yeah, really, he's ok," Ryan added, "Usually."  
  
Most of the rest of lunch was quiet. The rest of Ryan's day was pretty quiet. But, so was Ryan. He was dismissed from detention right at 4 o'clock, and found Sandy waiting for him in the parking lot.  
  
"Ok, ready?" Sandy asked as they left the school.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" Ryan said, with a nervous edge to his voice.  
  
"No." was Sandy's very short reply.  
  
"Ryan.....: Sandy started to explain again.  
  
But Ryan cut him off,  
  
"Yeah, I know, what's best for me....." he finished.  
  
Sandy was almost begging when he told Ryan,  
  
"Just give it a chance. Ok? Promise that you will try to keep an open mind."  
  
Ryan just muttered, "Yeah, promise," as he looked out the window, and not at Sandy.  
  
Sandy wanted desperately to tell him that they all needed Ryan to do this. Now more then ever, Ryan needed to accept help. If getting therapy failed, they were left with very few options. He had originally worried about Ryan's easy acceptance to getting counseling, and now he was worried that Ryan was changing his mind just as easily. He almost decided to tell Ryan everything that was going on. His conversation with Child Services, their impending investigation, the information Rachel and Tim gave him. But he didn't. He wanted to talk to Kirsten first, and then they could decide together when it would be best to tell Ryan. So the remainder of the car ride was quiet.  
  
Ryan wasn't exactly sure what to think when they got to Dr. Colefield's office. It was nice. Small, but expensively decorated. He was even less sure of what to think when a short, middle-aged woman opened the door to an inner office and called his name.  
  
As Ryan stood to follow this woman into this inner office, she looked at Sandy and said,  
  
"We'll see you in an hour, Mr. Cohen."  
  
"Good luck," Sandy said. And as Ryan turned and shot him a look, he almost added, "Dr. Colefield."  
  
"Hi, Ryan," Dr. Colefield said, as she sat behind her desk.  
  
"It's nice to meet you. Have a seat," she said as she pointed to the chair in front of her.  
  
As Ryan sat, she told him,  
  
"So, why don't you tell me a little about yourself."  
  
Ryan shrugged,  
  
"What do you want to know?"  
  
"Well," she said, "why don't you tell me why you think you need therapy."  
  
"I don't" Ryan told her.  
  
"Then why are you here?" she asked.  
  
"Because Kirsten and Sandy said I needed therapy." Ryan answered.  
  
"Ok, then, why don't you tell me who Kirsten and Sandy are." Dr. Colefield said.  
  
Ryan leaned back in his chair, attempted to stare Dr. Colefield down and told her,  
  
"They're the people who are paying you."  
  
Dr. Colefield just smiled. So he wants to be a touch guy. She liked the tough guys. The ones who thought they were too cool, who knew it all. The ones who would never admit to needing her help. She'd seen them all. And she always discovered the tougher they appeared on the outside, the sweeter they were on the inside, and they were always the ones who needed her the most.  
  
"Well, Ryan, I can tell you this, they're paying me a lot. So we can do this one of two ways. You can sit there for an hour and waste their money, or you can try. The choice is yours. Either way, I still get paid."  
  
Dr. Colefield stared back at Ryan, giving him a minute to think about what she said, and decide what he wanted to do.  
  
Finally, he said,  
  
"Fine. What do you want to know?"  
  
"Tell me why Kirsten and Sandy say you need therapy." She told him.  
  
But Ryan again just shrugged his shoulders. So Dr. Colefield decided to go with another approach,  
  
"Ok, then, let's start with something easier. Your file says that you've recently been in trouble at school for breaking into the file room, and for attacking another student. Why don't you tell me about that."  
  
Again Ryan asked her,  
  
"What do you want to know?"  
  
Dr. Colefield told him, "What happened."  
  
So Ryan told her. He talked about Oliver. How crazy he was, and how Ryan couldn't get anyone to believe him, and that he broke into the file room to get the proof he needed.  
  
"So why did you need proof?" Dr. Colefield asked him when he was done.  
  
Ryan shrugged, again,  
  
"Because no one believed me."  
  
"Why not?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know. You'd have to ask them." He told her.  
  
Dr. Colefield then asked him,  
  
"So, why did you attack him?"  
  
Ryan told her, "Because he made me mad."  
  
"Do you usually attack someone who makes you mad?" She asked.  
  
"Depends on who it is." Ryan said.  
  
"And what did Kirsten and Sandy say about all of this?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"A lot. They like to talk." Ryan told her.  
  
"And what did they do?" she then asked.  
  
Ryan admitted to her,  
  
"I was grounded. For like three weeks."  
  
"And what happened to Oliver." Dr. Colefield already knew the answer, but she wanted to see what Ryan had to say about it.  
  
"I was right," Ryan told her, "He was crazy. He ended up killing himself."  
  
"Well, do you feel better now? Knowing you were right." Dr. Colefield asked him.  
  
"Not really." Ryan told her.  
  
"Why not?" she asked.  
  
Ryan shrugged again, "Oliver still died. I still got in trouble. I still lost my girlfriend."  
  
Well, at least the tough guy does have feelings, Dr. Colefield thought.  
  
"So why do you think no one believed you?" she asked him.  
  
"Who knows." Ryan told her. But when Dr. Colefield continued to look at him and not ask him any more questions, he finally snapped,  
  
"Come on, who's going to believe the poor pool boy from Chino!"  
  
"Is that how you see yourself?" Dr. Colefield asked him.  
  
But again, Ryan just shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Ok, then," Dr. Colefield continued, "how long do you think you'll be the pool boy from Chino?"  
  
"I don't know. For as long as I'm here, I guess." Ryan told her.  
  
"And how long do you think that will be?" Dr. Colefield asked him.  
  
But again, Ryan just shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Ok, so let me ask you this," she asked Ryan, "where do you see yourself in five years?"  
  
"Five years? You're kidding, right?" Ryan asked her, but when Dr. Colefield shook her head, he said,  
  
"Dr. Colefield, I don't even know where I'll be next year."  
  
"Hell, next month." He mumbled.  
  
"You really think the Cohens would give up on you that easily?"  
  
Ryan just looked away and then down at his feet. He didn't want to talk anymore.  
  
"Ryan," she said, "Do you believe that the Cohens would give up on you before next month, or next year or five years from now? When do you think they will give up on you?"  
  
Ryan answered, still looking down at his feet,  
  
"I don't know. You'll have to ask them."  
  
"Actually, Ryan, I did," Dr. Colefield explained, "and I can tell you, they have absolutely no plans of giving up on you. Not now, not next month or next year. Not even five years from now. They have no plans on ever giving up on you."  
  
Ryan finally looked up from his feet and at Dr. Colefield when he answered,  
  
"Look, maybe they said that. Hell, maybe they even believe it, but well, things change. You never know."  
  
"So, you don't believe they want to be your parents. That they could be your parents, or that you would accept them as your parents?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
Ryan just grunted at Dr. Colefield's statement.  
  
"My parents? You know calling them my parents doesn't make it so."  
  
"Ok, so what would you call them?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"They're my guardians. Not my parents." Ryan informed her.  
  
Dr. Colefield then asked Ryan,  
  
"What's the difference?"  
  
Ryan thought about it for a second and then told her,  
  
"Guardians - guard, watch over you because it's their jobs. They get paid for it. There are no emotional attachments."  
  
"You don't think they have any emotional attachment to you? That if you left tomorrow they wouldn't be upset, emotional?" Dr. Colefield asked him.  
  
Ryan finally smirked, a little,  
  
"Well," he said, "They're emotional people by nature." And then he thought about it for a second,  
  
"But yeah," he continued, " I think they would get over my leaving."  
  
"Do you really believe that?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
But Ryan didn't answer. Again, he just shrugged his shoulders and looked away. So Dr. Colefield continued,  
  
"You said it was their jobs. They get paid. What makes you say that?"  
  
Damn, Ryan thought, this woman takes everything you say and turns it into a question! And either she's without a clue, or she thinks I am.  
  
"Because they do." Ryan told her. "Everyone knows that. You don't have to be in the system to know that foster parents get paid to take in kids who have no where else to go."  
  
"Have you ever asked them what happens to this pay check they receive?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
Ryan shook his head,  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" she asked.  
  
"Not my business" was all Ryan replied.  
  
"You're saying they get paid to take care of you," Dr. Colefield told him, "Then I'd say that was your business."  
  
Ryan snapped at her,  
  
"Look, I live in their house, eat their food. They pay for my clothes, my school, you. I'm sure the money goes towards all of that."  
  
"But you never asked them?" she asked.  
  
"Nope." Was Ryan's one word response.  
  
"Are you going to ask them?" she inquired.  
  
"Nope." Again with the one word response.  
  
Dr. Colefield looked at Ryan and said,  
  
"Then do you mind if I ask them?"  
  
"But I thought....." Ryan started to say before throwing up his hands. I knew it, he thought.  
  
"You thought what?" Dr. Colefield asked him.  
  
"I thought you couldn't repeat anything I said." He shot back.  
  
"I can't," Dr. Colefield told him, "unless you say it's ok."  
  
"Well, it's not ok." Ryan snapped at her.  
  
"Fine, then," Dr. Colefield said, "But you should ask them. Obviously, they didn't take you in for the money. On the whole, foster parents aren't bad that much, and I don't thing your foster parents need the money."  
  
Ryan just shook his head and looked away. This woman was getting him to talk more then he ever thought he would. And he didn't think he liked it too much, and yet somehow, he couldn't stop answering her questions. As much as he wanted to tell her to shut the hell up, he just kept on talking to her.  
  
After a minute, Dr. Colefield approached the subject again,  
  
"Ok, so I know what you think the definition of a guardian is. Now tell me what a parent is."  
  
"Couldn't tell you." Ryan told her.  
  
"Why not?" she asked.  
  
Ryan shrugged, yet again,  
  
"Never had real parents before." He told her.  
  
"But you know what they're supposed to be, right?" she asked him. Ryan only nodded, so Dr. Colefield said,  
  
"Ok, so tell me."  
  
"What do you want me to say?" Ryan asked her.  
  
"Ryan," Dr. Colefield explained, "I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I want you to tell me what you think. Why don't you tell me what your parents were like?"  
  
"Why?" Ryan wanted to know.  
  
"Well, if they weren't real parents," Dr. Colefield told him, " Then I'd like to know what they were."  
  
Ryan looked at his watch. He knew the hour had to be over soon, and was very disappointed to see that it wasn't. He still had time left.  
  
"Well," Ryan sighed, "I don't really remember my father too much. He was in and out of my life a lot. He was finally sent to prison when I was eight."  
  
"Armed Robbery." He added, just to see what kind of reaction he could get from Dr. Colefield.  
  
But she didn't so much as bat an eye as she continued her questions,  
  
"And your mother? What's she like?"  
  
"I don't really want to talk about her." Ryan told her.  
  
"Why not?" Dr. Colefield asked, apparently not noticing or caring that Ryan's voice had grown colder.  
  
"I just don't." he snapped.  
  
"Well, do you think she was a good mother?" she asked.  
  
"No," Ryan snickered.  
  
"Why not?" came the same question.  
  
"Because she wasn't, ok" Ryan shouted, "She liked to drink, A LOT. Do drugs. She had all kinds of boyfriends. She couldn't hold down a job. Whatever money I made she would take, and drink away. She didn't care where I went or who I was with. And she abandoned me. Not once, but twice, this August. Just dumped me, like the trash."  
  
Ryan leaned forward and asked Dr. Colefield,  
  
"Now would YOU call that a good mother?"  
  
"Ok, so then I'll ask you again," Dr. Colefield told him, "what are real parents? If yours weren't what real parents are, then tell me what real parents would be like."  
  
Ryan just shook his head, again. And again, he looked away, and at his feet and then at his watch. This was the longest hour of his life he thought.  
  
"I'll make you a deal, Ryan," Dr. Colefield told him, "You tell me what your idea of a real parent is and then you can go. Ok?"  
  
"Fine." He mumbled, and then began to rattle off,  
  
"Real parents care what you do, who you're with, where you go. They take care of you instead of you taking care of them. They're always there for you, and they love you, no matter what, even when you screw up. And they would never abandon you. Ok? So can I go now?"  
  
"Sure," Dr. Colefield told him, "But just one last thing. Something to think about for next time. That's your idea of real parents, right?"  
  
"Yeah, so?" Ryan told her as he stood to leave.  
  
Dr. Colefield also stood, so she could look Ryan in the eyes and ask him,  
  
"So, how are Sandy and Kirsten not like real parents?"  
  
When Ryan didn't respond, she told him,  
  
"Talk to them, Ryan. You may be surprised by what they have to say."  
  
As Ryan turned to leave, she continued,  
  
"Just so you know, I'm meeting with them tomorrow. I can't discuss anything you said here today unless you agree."  
  
"Fine, whatever." Ryan mumbled.  
  
"Fine, whatever, what?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"Tell them whatever you want." Ryan told her as he started to leave.  
  
But Dr. Colefield stopped him,  
  
"It's not about what I want, Ryan. It's about what you want. I'll see you next week."  
  
As Ryan left Dr. Colefield's office, he saw Sandy, still waiting for him.  
  
"Hey, how'd it go?" Sandy asked. He sounded so hopefully.  
  
"I survived." Ryan said jokingly.  
  
"Yeah, but did Dr. Colefield?" Sandy joked back.  
  
"Ha, ha." Ryan said as he put his coat on.  
  
"So what do you think? Should we order Chinese?" Sandy didn't want to push Ryan any more then he thought Ryan could handle. Ryan's mood did seem to be better, lighter. Sandy hoped this was a sign that things went good with Dr. Colefield.  
  
"Yeah, ok." Ryan told him.  
  
"Great," Sandy said, "You call it in when we get to the car and then we'll go pick it up."  
  
Sandy looked over Ryan's shoulder and saw Dr. Colefield standing in the doorway of her office. She just smiled and nodded her head. Sandy put his arm around Ryan as they walked out the door.  
  
Later that night, after dinner, Ryan had gone out to the pool house, and Seth went up to his room, leaving Kirsten and Sandy alone to talk.  
  
"So, he didn't say anything?" Kirsten asked Sandy.  
  
"He said he survived. He stayed the whole hour. That's got to mean something." Sandy told her.  
  
"He was awful quiet at dinner." Kirsten noted.  
  
"Dr. Colefield will tell us what she can tomorrow. I didn't want to push Ryan right then. She'll tell us exactly how much we should try to push him to open up." Sandy told her.  
  
Kirsten then asked,  
  
"What about Child Services? Were you able to find out anything else?"  
  
Sandy nodded and let out a big sigh before telling Kirsten what he had found out,  
  
"Yes. I talked to Madeline this afternoon. She won't be given Ryan's case because she knows me personally. She did promise to talk to whoever is assigned, and vouch for me, my character. She also stressed the importance of Ryan continuing to see Dr. Colefield. Show that we recognize Ryan's emotional problems and are addressing them. Madeline also said that we won't be the only ones interviewed. The Social Worker will interview everyone involved. Me, you, Ryan, Seth, Marissa, and...."  
  
Sandy hesitated a minute before adding,  
  
"and Jimmy and Julie Cooper."  
  
"Why the Coopers?" Kirsten demanded to know.  
  
"Because they are Marissa's parents, and she was deeply involved in all of this." Sandy explained to her.  
  
"Oh, God, Julie Cooper!" Kirsten was getting very upset at the very thought, "Ryan's future depends on Julie Cooper? Will we know a head of time when they are going to interview her? Maybe I could talk to her first. You know, try to get her to be reasonable."  
  
Although Kirsten said it, she doubted that would be possible. For as long as she's known Julie Cooper, she's never been what Kirsten would call reasonable. Ever. She also knew what Julie thought of Ryan, and how much Julie would love to see Ryan gone. Gone from Newport and gone from her daughter's life. No matter what any of them had to say, Kirsten knew Julie would say exactly how she felt, whether it was the truth or not. Yet another strike against them, Kirsten thought.  
  
Sandy started to talk again, pulling Kirsten away from her thoughts,  
  
"We can't say anything to anyone. Remember, we're not supposed to know about any of this. Madeline said everything will probably start within the next week, or two. She'll let me know as soon as she knows anything."  
  
"So, when should we tell Ryan?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"I want to talk to Dr. Colefield first. See what she thinks is best. Remember, we're meeting with her tomorrow at 3:30." Sandy told her.  
  
Kirsten nodded, and then asked,  
  
"What are our chances? Could we really lose Ryan?"  
  
Sandy repeated what he had been told when he asked the same question,  
  
"Well, we were warned in August that we had to keep Ryan out of trouble, and Ryan was warned that he had to stay out of trouble. He's still on probation. We're going to have to prove that we recognize that mistakes were made, but that we are correcting them. And that something like this will never, ever happen again. If we can't prove that, then we will lose Ryan."  
  
Kirsten couldn't believe what was happening. This was just so unfair.  
  
"What about Rachel and Tim? Didn't they find anything that would help us?"  
  
"Well," Sandy started, "Not much. They had one idea, but there isn't enough time. If we don't lose custody of Ryan, it's something to consider."  
  
"What?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"We could adopt Ryan." He told her.  
  
"I thought we did that already?" Kirsten asked.  
  
But Sandy explained to her,  
  
"No, we agreed to be his legal guardians. He still had parents. They were just unable to properly care for him. But if we can prove parental abandonment, we can move for final adoption. He'd legally be a Cohen."  
  
It seemed too easy for Kirsten.  
  
"Then why didn't we do that from the start?" She asked, "His father isn't part of his life at all, and his mother abandoned him – not once, but twice. She left him with us."  
  
Sandy continued explaining in his lawyer mode,  
  
"Usually, a parent has to be gone for a year or more. But we know where she is. She's never made it a secret. She sent him Christmas presents. It was Ryan who never asked where she was, or asked to see her. We would have to prove that she has no intentions of being an active part of his life or of ever being his mother. That won't be easy. What would be easier is if we could get her to sign away her parental rights, allow us to adopt him."  
  
"Can we start that process anyway?" Kirsten asked, "even before the Child Services investigation. Show them that we are serious about having Ryan as a permanent member of our family."  
  
Sandy smiled, great minds he thought....  
  
"Rachel and I were discussing the same thing. Rachel will be acting as his lawyer now, since I can't be his father and his lawyer. Her paralegal is starting the paperwork. We're going to try to get both Atwood's to give up custody first."  
  
Sometimes it's really good to be married to a lawyer, Kirsten thought. This was probably the first and only time Kirsten was happy about Sandy's working relationship with Rachel. At least she could help them with Ryan.  
  
"You know, we really need to talk to Ryan. We have no idea how he's going to take all of this." Kirsten told him.  
  
Sandy agreed. He was also worried about Ryan was going to take everything. He'd already been through so much, and now this.  
  
"We will," Sandy promised, "Tomorrow. After we talk to Dr. Colefield. We'll talk to him tomorrow...." 


	14. Kandy in Therapy

Sandy and Kirsten met with Dr. Colefield at 3:30 on Wednesday to discuss how they could help Ryan. They quickly found that it wasn't what they expected. They thought they would be going to talk, but instead they got grilled.  
  
Dr. Colefield studied her file for a few minutes while Sandy and Kirsten sat there and then looked up at Sandy,  
  
"From our initial conversation, Mr. Cohen, you said you originally met Ryan when you were assigned to represent him. He and his brother were arrested for stealing a car. Is that correct?"  
  
"Yes, that's right." Sandy responded.  
  
"How long have you worked as a Public Defender?" she asked.  
  
Sandy explained, "Fifteen years. I left in August and joined a private practice."  
  
Dr. Colefield nodded her head, made a note in her file and then asked,  
  
"And in fifteen years, how many other foster kids have you taken in?"  
  
"None. Ryan is the first." He answered.  
  
"Why Ryan?" Dr. Colefield asked, "He couldn't have been the first kid you met who needed help, foster care. What was it about Ryan?"  
  
Sandy thought about it for a minute. He wasn't sure how to put it into words, which was strange for him since he usually never had a problem with words.  
  
"At first?" he started, "He was a smart kid who had a number of bad breaks, who really needed someone to help him. He had no one who believed in him. His father was gone. His brother was trouble, and his mother was both physically and emotionally abusive. We originally took him in to give him a chance at a better life."  
  
Sandy knew he didn't explain it right, but Dr. Colefield just nodded and made another note in her file before turning to Kirsten,  
  
"Mrs. Cohen, why did you want to take him in?"  
  
Kirsten did what Sandy did. She thought about it for a minute before trying to explain. But she really couldn't so she admitted,  
  
"It's hard to put it into words. There's something about Ryan. He's just........special."  
  
"And you always thought that?" Dr. Colefield asked. She seriously doubted it was true, and wanted to see how Kirsten would answer. She was curious to see how honest these people were willing to be with her, and with themselves.  
  
She was surprised when Kirsten admitted,  
  
"No, not at first. At first I was mad at Sandy for bringing Ryan home. And even though I knew Ryan was being abused, I made Sandy take him back to Chino two days later when there was some trouble. I blamed Ryan. I was also the one who insisted that Sandy turn Ryan over to Child Services, and the one who insisted we find his mother, even though Ryan told us he didn't want to."  
  
Sandy quickly added,  
  
"But you were also the one who got him out of juvie after the fire, and the one who made the final decision to let Ryan live with us. Don't forget that."  
  
Dr. Colefield noted that Kirsten seemed to have some tremendous feelings of guilt over her initial treatment of Ryan, and Sandy must have spent a lot of time trying to help her get over it.  
  
"What changed?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"What changed?" Kirsten repeated.  
  
"Yes," Dr. Colefield explained, "When did your feelings for Ryan change? At what point did you decide he was 'special' as you called it?"  
  
"I'm not exactly sure." Kirsten answered, surprising herself that she really didn't know.  
  
"Well then," Dr. Colefield prompted, "Tell me how you came around to deciding that you wanted Ryan to stay with you."  
  
"The day his mother left him for the second time," Kirsten began to explain, "I knew he needed us. He had been with us for a little while before we found Dawn, and he seemed like such a good kid. A really nice kid. Then we found Dawn, and I watched what she did to him, how she treated him. It was just so sad, and it was just so wrong. So when she left again, we decided that he deserved a chance to be with a real family."  
  
"You both have said that you wanted to give Ryan a chance, as if you were only doing this as a favor." Dr. Colefield stated, "Is he a member of your family or not?"  
  
It was a shock to both Kirsten and Sandy to have Dr. Colefield put it in such a coldhearted way.  
  
Sandy answered, "Of course," while Kirsten responded, "Yes."  
  
"Since when?" Dr. Colefield asked. Demanded was a better way to put it.  
  
"I think over time he became an important part of our family," Kirsten tried to explain, "You have to know Ryan. He just fits with us. He belongs."  
  
Sandy agreed,  
  
"Yes. It's hard to put into words, to explain. I think that's what Kirsten means by he's special. It's hard to remember what our family was like before Ryan, that it's only been seven months. He's become very important to us. Whenever I think of my family, I think of Kirsten, Seth and Ryan."  
  
"I know we're not explaining ourselves very well," Kirsten continued, "We love Ryan. It's that simple. How to explain why is not so simple. Because we do. Because he's Ryan."  
  
Dr. Colefield was actually satisfied with the answers. Textbook answers as to what love is usually meant the person didn't mean it and certainly didn't understand it. The fact that neither Cohen could spout off that textbook answer actually meant something very important.  
  
"And have you tried to explain this to Ryan?" she asked.  
  
"We tried, we think," Sandy said, "Both with words and with our actions, we think. We've tried to get him to understand that we love him, and that he's very important to us."  
  
"But you don't think he believes you?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
Kirsten admitted,  
  
"No. We think he keeps waiting for us to disappoint him, to fail him, to abandon him."  
  
"Honestly, he does," Dr. Colefield told them.  
  
"How can we change that?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Just keep telling him, showing him, over and over. He may accept it, believe it eventually." Dr. Colefield explained.  
  
"He may accept it?" Kirsten repeated, "You mean, he may never believe us?"  
  
"Maybe, maybe not," Dr. Colefield explained, "It all depends on Ryan, and how much he wants to be a part of your family"  
  
Sandy didn't want to accept that answer. There had to be more they could do,  
  
"But is there anything else that we can do to help Ryan over come his past and to accept this and us as his life now?"  
  
"What do you know about his past?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"Pretty much what you know," Sandy explained, "I've given you all the information we have. His mother is an alcoholic. She was abusive and had abusive boyfriends. Ryan has admitted that much to us. His father is in prison and has been for a large part of Ryan's life. He has a brother Trey, the one who got Ryan arrested initially. Trey apparently has been trouble for years. Prior arrests, drugs, weapons charges. Right now he's in jail for 3 – 5 years."  
  
"So no history of a stable family?" Dr. Colefield concluded.  
  
"Not that we know of." Kirsten said.  
  
Dr. Colefield nodded and made another note in her file. She told the Cohens,  
  
"Give him time and a lot of love, understanding, and proper discipline. But like I said, it will be up to Ryan. Ultimately, this is all about Ryan. How much help he's willing to accept, how much he believes in you as his family and how much he believes in himself. Right now, he has no self confidence. He doesn't know why you would want him as a part of your family. He doesn't feel worthy. It appears to have been made worse by everything that recently happened. He doesn't believe any one trusts him or believes in him."  
  
"But we've told him over and over," Sandy said, almost pleading, "We believed him when he said there was something wrong with Oliver, but we were upset and angry at his behavior, how he handled the situation. That's what we want to help him with. We want him to learn that there are better ways to handle his anger and his trust issues."  
  
"And that's why you brought him to me?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"Yes," Kirsten told her, "Are you going to be able to help him?"  
  
Dr. Colefield smiled, for the first time since Sandy and Kirsten met with her,  
  
"Yes," she told them, "I think so. I think all of us together will be able to help him. Again, provided Ryan will accept our help. And in my opinion, he will. I think he wants to over come his past. I think he really wants to accept you as his family and be accepted by you. But there are many trust issues that he will need to over come. It won't be easy, but I believe it will be possible."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy were both very relieved to hear this, but Kirsten wanted to know something,  
  
"Dr. Colefield, I need to ask," she said, "why didn't you tell us this when we first came in. Why all the questions, the third degree?"  
  
Dr. Colefield smiled again and admitted,  
  
"You'd be surprised how many foster parents come in and just want me to mold them the perfect child. Many biological parents are the same way. They don't want to take the time or the energy to help, to be part of the solution. They don't see it as a lifetime commitment. They just want a quick fix. I first had to make sure you weren't like that."  
  
"There may be a problem with this life time commitment," Sandy explained, "As much as we want Ryan to be a permanent member of our family, Child Services may have a different opinion."  
  
Dr. Colefield nodded,  
  
"Let me guess, an investigation into Ryan's care is underway."  
  
"Well, sort of," Sandy told her, "An investigation is being started. I have a friend who notified me of the impending investigation."  
  
"I guess being in the PD's office does have its advantages." Dr. Colefield said.  
  
"Not really," Sandy told her, "I know they're starting an investigation, but I can't say or do anything about it."  
  
"Is that why you brought Ryan to me? To help your case?" Dr. Colefield demanded to know. She wasn't happy at the thought that she misjudged these people.  
  
But Sandy told her,  
  
"No. We made the appointment with you before we knew about the investigation. We honestly want what's best for Ryan, and we were told that was you. There isn't much we can do about the investigation. We plan on cooperating fully. But besides that, all we can do is hope and pray that it goes our way."  
  
"And have you told Ryan yet?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
This time Kirsten answered,  
  
"No. We wanted to talk to you first. Find out how and when we should tell him. He's been through so much already, and we're worried what his reaction will be. We don't want him to think we're giving up on him. Even if, God Forbid, we lose custody, we want him to know we'll always be there. But we don't know how to explain it to him."  
  
"I was told the investigation wouldn't be starting for at least a week," Sandy explained, "There isn't a Social Worker assigned to the case as of yet."  
  
"Then don't tell Ryan yet." Dr. Colefield explained to him, "We have some time. Ryan needs to work through some other issues right now without adding to his worries. We need to give him as much time as possible. I'd also like to make some calls first. See what I can find out. Whoever is assigned to investigate will want my opinion as Ryan's therapist. Plus I would like to meet with Ryan again. See if he thought about what we discussed yesterday, and see how his week went."  
  
But Sandy asked Dr. Colefield,  
  
"Isn't that going to hurt Ryan's trust issues with us even more when he finds out that we knew about the investigation but didn't tell him right away?"  
  
"Sometimes parents have to decide what's best, whether the child believes it or not," Dr. Colefield explained, "And as Ryan's parents, you are taking his emotional state into consideration. This is what you felt was best for Ryan. When I talk to him, I will explain that to him."  
  
"But you're not going to tell him?" Sandy asked.  
  
Dr. Colefield shook her head and explained,  
  
"No. That will have to come from you. He has to know that you will handle this together as a family."  
  
She then added,  
  
"This may come as a surprise to you, but if you don't lose custody, this will actually make your relationship stronger."  
  
"God, I hope so." Kirsten told her.  
  
"If we don't lose custody," she then repeated, "That's all we think about. Losing custody."  
  
Sandy reached over and gave Kirsten's hand a squeeze. He asked Dr. Colefield,  
  
"If we aren't going to tell Ryan about the investigation, what should we talk to him about? He knows we're here today. He's going to be curious."  
  
"Be honest," Dr. Colefield explained, "Tell him we agreed to continue with his counseling. Tell him what you told me about loving him and wanting to be his parents. Also, tell him about the money you receive as foster parents."  
  
"Money?" Kirsten asked. They had been with Dr. Colefield almost an hour, and now she's bringing up money?  
  
But Dr. Colefield explained,  
  
"Ryan is hooked on the checks you receive as foster parents. In Ryan's mind, it justifies why he really isn't a real member of your family. As long as you get paid to take care of him, you don't really want him."  
  
Kirsten was shocked,  
  
"We didn't even know he knew about the checks!" She said.  
  
Before Dr. Colefield said anything, Sandy answered,  
  
"But we should have. This is Ryan. He misses nothing."  
  
"We are sent that money," Sandy continued, "because that's the way its done, but Dr. Colefield, every one of those checks is deposited into an account in Ryan's name. When he turns 18, we're turning the money over to him. We don't want or need money to love Ryan."  
  
"Well," Dr. Colefield said, "That will go a long way in removing one of the obstacles in Ryan's mind. You need to tell him."  
  
"What else should we talk to him about?" Kirsten asked. "We don't know how far to push him to talk. He's very quiet, and when we push him too far, he completely shuts down and pushes us away."  
  
"Don't push him too hard to open up if he doesn't want to," Dr. Colefield explained, "But don't let him shut everyone out either. Talk, always be there to listen, ask him questions, encourage answers, but don't get upset if his answers are short. Eventually, I believe he will start to come to you more and more when he wants to talk. Just don't expect him to suddenly become out going and gregarious. He may always be quiet. That may just be his nature. Never let him forget that you love him, trust him and will always be there for him."  
  
"Speaking of trust," Sandy brought up, "There is something I'd like to ask you. See, Ryan has become friendly with some kids from his soccer team that Kirsten really doesn't like, and doesn't want Ryan to socialize with."  
  
"Why don't you like them?" Dr. Colefield asked Kirsten  
  
"They've been known to get into some trouble," Kirsten explained, "They gave Ryan a really hard time when he first moved here, plus they've never been very nice to Seth. They're just a group of rich, spoiled kids."  
  
"And Seth is?" Dr. Colefield knew the answer, but wanted Kirsten's response.  
  
"Our other son." She said.  
  
"Well, what does Ryan say about this friendship?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"Not much," Kirsten admitted. "When I told him I didn't want him hanging out with them, he got mad and hasn't said much to me since then."  
  
"Talk to him then," Dr. Colefield told her, "Find out what it is about these kids. Why Ryan wants to be friends with them. It may just be that you don't know them very well. Have they ever been arrested, jailed, any thing like that?"  
  
"Well, not exactly," Sandy explained, "Luke was arrested with Ryan back in August, but it was a huge misunderstanding. All charges were dropped."  
  
"That was the fire you told me about?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
When Sandy just nodded, she continued,  
  
"Then ask Ryan. Whatever differences he had with these boys, Ryan was able to work through. That's actually a good thing. It shows that Ryan is able to forgive and move on."  
  
"But Seth says......" Kirsten started to say.  
  
But Dr. Colefield interrupted her,  
  
"Ryan is not Seth, and you can't expect him to be. If Ryan likes these kids, and they aren't going to get him arrested or in any serious trouble, then Ryan should be allowed to make his own friends. It'll help him fit in better, adjust to his new life."  
  
With that Dr. Colefield closed her file and told the Cohens,  
  
"I'd like to talk to you on Monday, on the phone to see how your talk with Ryan went, and how his week went before I meet with him on Tuesday. I will also see what I can find out about the Child Services investigation, and will let you know."  
  
After Kirsten and Sandy left, Dr. Colefield read over her notes. After she was done, she knew that her first reaction to these people was right. They genuinely loved and wanted Ryan. It was not an act. They would truly be surprised to know what convinced Dr. Colefield of this the most. It was when Kirsten Cohen absentmindedly referred to Seth as their "other son." Dr. Colefield was so used to people making huge efforts to say what they thought she wanted to hear. It was those comments they made without thinking that usually told Dr. Colefield what she needed to know. And she knew Kirsten Cohen saw both Ryan and Seth as her sons.  
  
Knowing that, Dr. Colefield picked up the phone to call over to Child Services to see who she needed to talk to in order to help insure that Ryan stayed with the Cohens permanently. 


	15. Talk, talk and more talk

Sandy and Kirsten left Dr. Colefield's office and headed over to the Harbor School to pick Ryan up. They figured they would get there around the same time he would be getting out of detention, and they would be able to save him the walk home. They were both quiet, deep in their own thoughts about what Dr. Colefield had told them.  
  
Kirsten finally spoke first,  
  
"You think she'll really be able to help Ryan that much?"  
  
Sandy thought about it for a minute and then told her,  
  
"Yes. I do. Why? Don't you?"  
  
Kirsten shrugged. She liked Dr. Colefield, and she seemed genuine in her concerns and her advise about Ryan, but Kirsten wasn't sure she agreed with everything Dr. Colefield recommended.  
  
So Kirsten told Sandy,  
  
"I think so. I'm just not sure if we should hide the investigation from Ryan. If he finds out about it from somewhere else before we get a chance to tell him, he's going to be devastated."  
  
"Until we know more, I think Dr. Colefield is right." Sandy told her, "There is no way for Ryan to find out about it before we tell him. Remember, it hasn't even begun yet. And as soon as it does, we will talk to Ryan."  
  
Then Sandy continued,  
  
"What about Luke and his friends? Are you going to give in there?"  
  
Another topic Kirsten didn't completely agree with Dr. Colefield about.  
  
"I don't know. I'm not really sure yet. I just don't like those kids, but I do agree I can't expect Ryan to act like Seth. Just because Seth wouldn't choose them as friends, I guess I can't expect Ryan to agree. Ryan is athletic. He plays sports. I guess it stands to reason he'd make friends with other athletes. If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Ryan alone on that one. See what he says to me before I make up my mind."  
  
Sandy nodded and told her,  
  
"That's fine. I don't think you should talk to him tonight about it, though. Tonight I'd like to talk to him about the other things Dr. Colefield brought up. Continuing with the therapy, wanting to be his parents, the money. Those are all more important issues to address. If we try to hit him with everything, we'll just overwhelm him. Let's start with the big things, and work down from there."  
  
"You're right," Kirsten said, "I just can't believe Ryan would equate love with money. He's got to know that we don't need the money, and that we took him in for other reasons."  
  
Sandy just sighed,  
  
"I guess we never really explained those reasons to him. Not in terms that he understood, apparently. But we will. Tonight."  
  
Kirsten picked up her cell phone,  
  
"Well, I'm going to order from La Rocca's. That should help put him in a better mood since he loves Mexican. Then we can talk to him after dinner."  
  
They spotted Ryan as they pulled in, on the other side of the school parking lot. He was talking to Luke, and the two of them were heading towards Luke's truck.  
  
"I still can't believe you'd blow off just one class," Ryan was telling Luke, "It doesn't seem worth it. Now you have detention for just one class. If you're going to cut, why not bang out the whole day?"  
  
Luke just laughed,  
  
"It was Bio. I hate that class. Besides, it's right before my free period, so to me, it was worth it. Hey, you wanna stop somewhere before we go home? What time do your folks get home from work?"  
  
Despite their previous drunken confessions about therapy, Ryan still wasn't comfortable with the idea of Luke knowing he was now seeing a therapist.  
  
"They're not at work," Ryan told him, "so I don't know what time they'll be getting home. I'm guessing tonight wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe tomorrow, but you know, thanks for the ride."  
  
Luke saw Sandy and Kirsten first as they were pulling into a parking space. He pointed over to them and told Ryan,  
  
"Hey, isn't that them over there?"  
  
Ryan turned to where Luke was pointing,  
  
"Yeah, that's them. Damn, I guess they really don't trust me now. Now they're coming to pick me up just to make sure I come home."  
  
At the same time, he was also thinking, what the hell did Dr. Colefield say to them to make them come here to get me?  
  
Luke just patted Ryan on the back. He really felt for the guy.  
  
"Give it time, man," Luke told him, "They'll get over it. See ya tomorrow."  
  
Luke headed off towards his truck, and Ryan walked over to the car. He got in without saying much. Sandy tried to explain to him that they finished up early and thought he'd like a ride home instead of walking, and Kirsten told him about getting dinner from La Rocca's. Neither of them said anything about Luke, and Ryan didn't say anything at all. He figured whatever they discussed with Dr. Colefield, they'd want to discuss with him. He just wasn't looking forward to that discussion.  
  
Ryan remained quiet throughout most of dinner, but he noticed that Kirsten and Sandy were quiet, too. Only Seth talked. Occasionally everyone laughed, because Seth's latest Summer story was pretty funny, but besides that, no one else seemed to want to add to the conversation. After dinner, Seth made a quick exit, knowing that the next conversation wasn't going to include him. He figured he'd just eavesdrop from the top of the stairs.  
  
After he heard Seth head up the stairs, Ryan turned to Kirsten and Sandy and said,  
  
"I take it I shouldn't try to make the same exit as Seth."  
  
"No, you shouldn't." Sandy told him, "We need to talk."  
  
Ryan let out a big sigh, and looked down at his hands,  
  
"Yeah, well, I figured as much. So, what did she say?"  
  
"First, wait." Sandy said as he stood up and walked out of the kitchen. Ryan wasn't sure but he thought he heard Sandy in the office. When Sandy came back, he dropped what appeared to be a bankbook in front of Ryan. Ryan picked it up and saw that it was for a bank account. It was in his name, and contained a few thousand dollars.  
  
"What's this?" He asked.  
  
"This is a savings account. One of your savings accounts." Sandy started to explain.  
  
But Kirsten interrupted him,  
  
"Ryan, we're sorry. It never dawned on us that you would know about the checks that are sent here each month."  
  
"When they come," Sandy continued to explain, "they are deposited into this account. Your account. I know it's your money, but we thought it was better to put it all in the bank for your future. We'll turn the account over to you when you turn 18. Until then, you're stuck depending on us, the same as Seth. Well, except during the summer, then you're free to get another part time job if you want."  
  
"I don't get it," Ryan said, still staring at the bankbook, "This isn't my money. The state pays you this money for my care. I mean, I know it doesn't cover everything you guys do for me, but it helps cover some of the costs. I can't take it. It's yours."  
  
With that, Ryan pushed the account book towards Sandy. Sandy didn't pick it up, instead he told Ryan,  
  
"Ryan, no one is going to pay us to take care of you. The state sends us this money, but what we do with it is up to us. We decided it should go to you."  
  
"But...." Ryan started.  
  
Kirsten interrupted him,  
  
"No buts, Ryan. No one pays us to take care of Seth, and no one is going to pay us to take care of you."  
  
"But I'm not Seth." Ryan told her.  
  
Kirsten laughed,  
  
"And thank God for small favors. We already have a Seth. We don't need two."  
  
Ryan tried to explain again what he meant,  
  
"No, I mean, Seth is your son. He belongs here."  
  
Before he could continue, Sandy interrupted him,  
  
"Ryan...."  
  
"No, let me finish," Ryan told him, "You can't compare me to Seth. It's not possible. He's your son. He always has been, and he always will be. Nothing can change that. Look, I know what you're saying, and believe me, I've thought about what Dr. Colefield said. And as much as I appreciate everything you do for me, it could all change tomorrow. I know it, and you know it. We all know it."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy said, "You could leave tomorrow, but that wouldn't change the way we feel about you. Yes, Seth is our son, and has been for the past 16 years, and he will be for the rest of his life. He was born into this family, but you belong in this family, too. And no matter what happens today, tomorrow, next month or next year, nothing will change that. Nothing."  
  
Kirsten continued,  
  
"Ryan, we love you. That cannot change. No matter what happens. No matter what you say, or what you do. You're stuck with us. No matter what."  
  
"But why?" Ryan asked. It was the question he had on his mind for a long time now.  
  
"Why?" Sandy repeated.  
  
"Yeah, why?" Ryan continued, "Up until seven months ago, you had no idea who I even was. Now, you keep saying I'm a part of this family, and I belong here. It's kind of hard to grasp. I mean, I spent sixteen years with my real mother, and she doesn't give a damn about me. She never did. The woman who gave birth to me doesn't love me and doesn't want me around. How do I know you guys won't change your minds and feel the same way?"  
  
"Well, I guess you don't. But we do." Sandy told him, "Ryan, we can't force you to believe us. All we can do is continue to be there for you, and promise you that we will always be there for you."  
  
"Ryan," Kirsten said, "We are going to be here whether you want us or not. That's what parents are for, and Ryan, that's what we are. We just hope you can learn to accept that fact."  
  
Ryan smiled. They didn't really answer his why? question, but if they're really willing to try, he figured he could, too.  
  
"I'll try. I'm trying." He told them, "It's just............weird. I mean, to suddenly have parents. Who care. People to answer to. I don't know. It's just, weird. You know, I'm still going to screw up. I mean, mess up. Sometimes. Not intentionally or anything, but well, you know....."  
  
Sandy really liked to see Ryan smile. He hoped that meant Ryan actually heard what they said.  
  
"Well, of course you'll screw up," Sandy said, trying to make the situation a little lighter, "You're sixteen years old. It's pretty much a pre-requisite that you screw up. And as parents, one of our many obligations is to make your life as miserable as possible for it. We get the privilege of grounding the life out of you. See, that's how it works."  
  
This time, Ryan didn't just smile. He actually laughed, a little.  
  
"Well, after this past month, I'd say you guys were pretty good at fulfilling your parental obligations."  
  
"We're glad you think so." Kirsten told him. She, too, liked to see Ryan smile, and laugh.  
  
"Oh, no, I didn't mean it as a compliment," Ryan joked, "I've spent so much time lately staring at those four walls of the pool house, I swear if three of them weren't made out of windows, it would take more then Dr. Colefield to make me sane."  
  
It was such a relief to see Ryan smiling and joking, even about all the trouble he had been in lately.  
  
"Well, what can we say, "Kirsten laughed, "We take our job very seriously...."  
  
"You don't say!" Ryan teased.  
  
As much as Sandy also enjoyed seeing Ryan feeling better, there was still something else they needed to discuss.  
  
"Listen, speaking of Dr. Colefield..." Sandy started.  
  
"Please tell me this is the part where you say that I don't have to see her any longer, right?" Ryan said, although he doubted it, he could still hope.  
  
"Uh, no." Sandy told him, "This is the part where we tell you that we really like her, and we think you should continue to see her once a week. At least for now."  
  
"We think it's what's best for you." Kirsten added.  
  
"What's best for me," Ryan repeated, "Is that phrase another 'requirement' or something?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan laughed and told them,  
  
"Do you guys have any idea how often you say that?"  
  
"We don't say it that much." Sandy said.  
  
"Yeah, you do. All the time. Just ask Seth." Ryan said, "Who I would guess is still hiding out at the top of the stairs."  
  
"Right Seth!" Ryan called, towards the stairs.  
  
They heard Seth shout back,  
  
"Uh, yeah. All the time."  
  
Ryan was the only one who laughed as he pointed towards the stairs and said,  
  
"See."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy were both shocked.  
  
"How did you know he was there?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Are you kidding?" Ryan told them, "He always hangs out up there. He says it's the best hiding place to eavesdrop. How do you think he knows so much about what's going on around here?"  
  
Sandy and Kirsten were not amused.  
  
"Then I guess when we're done with you, we'll be having a long talk with Seth," Sandy told him, and then shouted,  
  
"And I'm sure you heard that, Seth."  
  
"Um, what else is there?" Ryan asked. He had hoped to be done. He figured over the past couple of days he had talked more then he had in a really long time. It was something Ryan wasn't completely comfortable doing, not yet, anyway.  
  
"Really, not much," Sandy told him, "We just want to make sure you're ok."  
  
Ryan was relieved. Done talking, for now.  
  
"No, really. I'm fine. And I promise, I'll try. OK?" Ryan told them.  
  
"And you'll continue to see Dr. Colefield?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan at first just made a face. They had already made it clear to him that he didn't have much of a say in the matter.  
  
"That's a rhetorical question, isn't it?" He asked her.  
  
Sandy laughed. Ryan really was catching on, he thought.  
  
"Pretty much," he told Ryan, "What's wrong? Don't you like Dr. Colefield?"  
  
"No, I mean, yes. She's alright." Ryan stammered, "I guess. I don't really know. I have no idea what a therapist is supposed to be like, so I guess she's ok. It's just. Well, no matter what I say, she changes it into a question."  
  
"Yes, Ryan," Sandy started to explain, "That's therapy. The doctor is supposed to ask thought provoking questions, to help you resolve your problems. Didn't Seth explain that to you?"  
  
Ryan was shocked,  
  
"Seth? No, why? How would Seth know?"  
  
Kirsten was surprised that Ryan didn't know, so she told him,  
  
"He went a few years back to a therapist. He had some issues that we felt he needed to address. I'm really surprised he didn't tell you."  
  
"Nope, he never said a word," Ryan told them, "Look, if we're done, I'm kind of tired. I'd like to just go to bed, if that's ok."  
  
Both Kirsten and Sandy nodded their heads,  
  
"Sure," Sandy said, and at the same time Kirsten said, "Yeah, ok." As Ryan got up to leave, Kirsten also told him,  
  
"Good night, sweetie. We love you."  
  
"Yeah, good night," Ryan said, "Um, thanks."  
  
He also added,  
  
"I love you, too." But only after he had walked outside. He had promised Kirsten and Sandy that he would try, and he would. For as long as he was there, he would try.  
  
As Ryan walked to the pool house, he turned to see Seth in the kitchen with Sandy and Kirsten. He was giving Ryan a really nasty look. It was the same look Ryan gave Seth just a few days earlier.  
  
Ryan couldn't help but laugh as he watched Seth sit down, knowing the lecture Seth was about to get. Sorry bro, Ryan thought, but now we're even.  
  
Ryan fell asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow. It was the first time in a long time he didn't have trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep. He probably would have slept through his alarm had Seth not come storming in first thing in the morning.  
  
"I can't believe you," Seth was shouting, "You sold me out. I cannot believe you would rat me out like that! Do you know how long I had to listen to them last night?"  
  
"Huh, what? What time is it?" This really wasn't how Ryan liked waking up in the morning.  
  
"Damn, Seth," Ryan said as he looked over at his clock, "I still have half an hour. What are you bitching about?"  
  
"I just don't know why you would do that to me!" Seth told him.  
  
"Do what? What are you talking about?" Ryan was trying to wake himself up so he could make some sense out of what Seth was babbling about.  
  
"Do what? What do you mean do what!" Seth snorted, "Tell Mom and Dad that I eavesdrop from the top of the stairs, that's what!"  
  
Ryan just looked at Seth for a minute, thinking that maybe he was kidding. When Ryan realized he wasn't, Ryan told him,  
  
"Gee, Seth. I don't know. Um, hum, let me see. Why would I tell on you? I don't know. Why would you tell them about Luke and everyone at the batting cages before I had a chance to explain?"  
  
"Oh, I see." Seth said, waving his finger in front of Ryan, "This is a little revenge thing. A little eye for an eye deal. Sibling rivalry. Is that it?"  
  
Ryan nodded as he got out of his bed,  
  
"Pretty much." He told Seth.  
  
"Fine, then. We're even." Seth said.  
  
"That all depends," Ryan said, "Are you still allowed out this weekend?"  
  
"Yes, but so are you." Seth told him.  
  
"Yeah, but only with you. Doesn't count." Ryan said.  
  
"But I'm not the one who came home drunk." Seth argued.  
  
"But I'm not the one who hides at the top of the stairs like some little kid at Christmas." Ryan shot back.  
  
But Seth corrected him,  
  
"Christmakkuh."  
  
"Whatever." Ryan snorted.  
  
Seth thought about it for a minute. He wasn't exactly sure what he and Ryan were arguing over, and he didn't like it.  
  
"Dude," he told Ryan, "What are we doing? Its not supposed to be you against me. It's supposed to be us against them. We're supposed to stick together!"  
  
"Ah, yes, world domination to follow!" Ryan joked. He didn't really like fighting with Seth, either.  
  
"Ok, we're even. No more ratting each other out. Deal?" Ryan told him.  
  
"Deal." Seth agreed, before moving on to the next subject,  
  
"So, as you know, I heard everything they said last night. You ok?"  
  
Ryan shrugged. "Fine," he told Seth.  
  
"Hey," Ryan continued, "Why didn't you tell me you went to therapy?"  
  
"I don't know," Seth said, to his feet, "Figured you wouldn't be interested."  
  
Ryan could tell Seth was lying.  
  
"Seth. You tell me everything, especially stuff that I don't need to know, or even want to know. I mean, fish sex, anyone? Something like this – the fact you already went to therapy when you knew I didn't want to go, and you didn't think I'd be interested. Come on, man, what gives?"  
  
"They didn't tell you why they sent me." Seth said. Ryan just shook his head, so Seth told him,  
  
"Anti-social behavior."  
  
Ryan laughed, causing Seth to tell him,  
  
"Yeah, well, now you know why I didn't say anything to you."  
  
"But anti-social behavior?" Ryan said, "Seth, you're one of the most social people I know"  
  
Seth interrupted him,  
  
"Who had no friends. They were concerned when I got to high school and refused to go anywhere so...."  
  
"Therapy. Every Newport parent's answer to a problem." Ryan mumbled, confusing Seth,  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nothing. Just something Luke said." Ryan said, "So, you're anti-social and I'm violent. Quite a nice little family we have here. Look, I gotta shower and get dressed. I'll catch up with you inside."  
  
"Yeah, we'll go over to school together. Summer will be here a little later to pick us up." Seth said.  
  
Ryan grabbed his clothes before telling Seth,  
  
"I'll probably head over early. I still have some work to catch up on."  
  
"Have you told them yet? About your grades, I mean." Seth asked.  
  
"Yeah, I told your....um....our...." Ryan wasn't sure how to word it. "I told Sandy the other day. He said not to worry about it so much. He knows I'll bring them back up."  
  
"Well, just a word of advise," Seth told him, "When he says he knows you'll bring them back up, he's not trying to be nice. It's a threat. Trust me."  
  
"Yeah, I figured as much," Ryan laughed, "So, I'm still working on them."  
  
As Ryan headed for the bathroom, Seth headed out the door,  
  
"See ya." He told Ryan as he left.  
  
He could do this, Ryan kept telling himself. The more he thought about it, the better he felt about what Kirsten and Sandy had told him. They really seemed genuine about what they said, and he believed them. They were probably the first adults Ryan ever truly believed in. Despite everything he had put them through during the past seven months, they still said they loved him, and wanted to be his family. Even after everything that happened with Oliver, they didn't give up on him. They didn't throw him out and no one beat him. They yelled, they lectured and they grounded. They acted like normal parents, and they were acting like his normal parents. He knew they still didn't trust him, but he had to admit to himself, he hadn't really given them much reason to, not since the day he got there. But as long as Ryan had the Cohens, he no longer had to worry about making it to seventeen. Maybe he could even think more about his future. Kirsten had talked about college, maybe even an Ivy League school she said. And for all of this, Ryan was happy, truly happy. For once it seemed the "Atwood luck" hadn't struck again.  
  
Ryan was still thinking about it all by Friday. He came straight home after detention on both Thursday and Friday, telling Luke that he would try to catch up to him the following week. He actually wanted to talk to Dr. Colefield about Luke and his friends and Kirsten's dislike for them, just to see what she had to say about it before he attempted to hang out with them again.  
  
Ryan came home from detention Friday evening to find Kirsten in the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, you're home," she said, "How was school?"  
  
"Fine. What are you doing here?" Ryan asked.  
  
Kirsten just smiled, and then laughed,  
  
"I live here."  
  
"I mean," Ryan explained, "It's early. You're usually not here this early. Um, what are you doing?" Because to Ryan, it looked like Kirsten was trying to cook.  
  
"Well, I finished up early so I decided to come home and cook dinner." She explained.  
  
"Why?" Ryan asked.  
  
Kirsten looked at Ryan and asked,  
  
"Why what?" She couldn't figure out what Ryan was getting at. He sounded so serious, that it made Kirsten wonder if he was up to something.  
  
But then Ryan laughed and asked her,  
  
"Why would you cook dinner? Don't you like us anymore?"  
  
"Very funny," Kirsten told him, "I can fix fajitas, you know. I've made them before and they're not that bad. You liked them."  
  
"Well," Ryan continued to tease, "actually, Sandy makes them, and he just lets you help."  
  
It really made Kirsten feel good that Ryan was finally able to joke with her, even if it was at the expense of her cooking ability. When she came home early today, she had hoped to get a chance to talk to him alone. She had spent the past seven months letting Sandy do most of the parenting of Ryan, and she knew it was time she became a more active parent, especially since she was the one who didn't want him associating with the new friends he had made. She wanted to talk to him about it, and she wanted to do it alone. Now was her chance.  
  
"Ha, ha, funny man." She said as she threw a green pepper at him, "Here, you slice the peppers."  
  
Ryan put his backpack on one of the bar stools, grabbed a knife and joined Kirsten at the counter. As he started to slice the peppers, he saw Kirsten take the steak and walk over to the stove.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Cooking the steak." She told him, wondering why he'd ask such a silly question.  
  
But he told her,  
  
"No, don't. Wait until the peppers and onions are cut, and then cook them all together. That way the peppers and onions are really soft, and the meat isn't over cooked."  
  
Kirsten put the meat down on the counter and said,  
  
"Oh, ok. I'll slice the onions then."  
  
After a minute of the two of them silently slicing, Ryan looked over at Kirsten and asked her,  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Slicing the onions." She told him, again with the silly questions.  
  
And again, Ryan explained,  
  
"You're cutting them too think. You want them thinner."  
  
"Here, like this." He continued as he took the onion from Kirsten and sliced it for her.  
  
Kirsten dropped her knife and said,  
  
"Fine, you slice the onions, too. What can I do?"  
  
Ryan thought about it for a minute, trying to think of a job to give her that Kirsten wouldn't mess up without hurting her feelings.  
  
"Grate the cheese." He finally said.  
  
Kirsten just smiled and held up two packages of pre-grated cheese.  
  
"Oh, ok," Ryan told her, "Pour them into a bowl."  
  
"Gee, thanks," Kirsten laughed, "Do you think I can handle that?"  
  
"We'll see." Ryan teased.  
  
After Kirsten poured the two bags of cheese into the bowl, she asked Ryan,  
  
"Ok, Master Chef, what next?"  
  
Ryan looked around. He had finished slicing the peppers and onions and had mixed them both with the meat and the spices he liked to use. There wasn't much for Kirsten to do. She had already poured the pre-sliced bag of lettuce in another bowl. So he told her,  
  
"Get the sour cream and guacamole."  
  
"Ok," Kirsten said as she lightly slapped Ryan on the arm, "Now you sound like Sandy."  
  
Kirsten looked at the clock. She knew Seth would be home from Summer's and Sandy would be coming in from the office shortly, and she still needed to talk to Ryan alone. And as much as she was enjoying their joking together, she needed to change the subject,  
  
"So, are you going tonight?" she asked.  
  
"Going where?" Ryan said as he continued to work on dinner.  
  
"Going to the movies." Kirsten said, trying to figure out the best way to bring the subject up.  
  
"No." was Ryan's one word answer.  
  
"But you're not going to the batting cages either?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan still wouldn't look up at her, but answered,  
  
"You said no."  
  
"Ryan," Kirsten started to say, but Ryan cut her off,  
  
"Look, Kirsten, I get it. Don't worry about it. Ok. I get it."  
  
"Get wait?" she asked.  
  
Ryan finally looked up at her when he answered,  
  
"Look, I know I haven't given you guys much reason to trust me. I get it."  
  
Kirsten could see the look of hurt in Ryan's eyes and she heard it in his voice. It made her feel so guilty.  
  
"Ryan, no." She tried to explain, "It doesn't have anything to do with trusting you. I promise. It's just. Look, Luke and his friends. They're.... They're trouble."  
  
Here we go again, Ryan thought.  
  
"Kirsten," he said, "You don't know them. I told you already. They had nothing to do with my getting drunk. Brad and Chip weren't even there."  
  
"I don't mean just last weekend." Kirsten said, "I agree. That was totally your fault. I mean the other things they get into."  
  
When Ryan just looked at her and didn't answer, she explained,  
  
"I know about the fights, the partying, the girls. Newport is a small community, Ryan, and we parents are not as stupid as you kids think we are."  
  
When Ryan still didn't answer, she continued,  
  
"Ok. You say I don't like them because I don't know them. Then tell me about them. Tell me what it is you like about them."  
  
Ryan thought about it for a minute as he continued working on dinner. He was trying to figure out how to put it into words to make Kirsten understand without upsetting her.  
  
"You know," he finally said, "They're more like me then you think."  
  
But before he could continue, Kirsten told him.  
  
"They're nothing like you."  
  
Damn, Ryan thought, that wasn't the way to start.  
  
"I don't mean it like that, Kirsten," he tried to explain better, "Not because of the fighting, partying and stuff. I mean, we both know I've been in a lot of fights. You have me going to see a therapist because of it. You can't deny that. And I've already been caught drinking, more then once. I mean in other ways. Look, I like hanging out with Seth. He's a great guy. We have a lot of fun together. But we are completely different, and on the whole, we like different things. I am never going to like boating, and I will never understand his fascination with comic books. I like them, and I read them, but only because of Seth. I never read comic books before coming here. And as for play station, yeah, I like it. We play a lot, and we have fun. But I also like lifting weights, and sports. I miss playing sports. Now that I don't have to worry about where I'm going to sleep at night, or if someone is going to jump me the second I walk in the door, I want to go back to playing. Seth hates sports. Hates anything to do with them, but Luke, Brad and Chip don't. They like soccer and baseball. Ok, they also like water polo, which I have no interest in, at all, but we get along because of soccer and because of baseball. That's why I like hanging out with them."  
  
Kirsten was shocked. For Ryan to say all of that, at one time, he must have really been thinking about it. She knew she couldn't expect him to be just like Seth. Hell, she and Hailey were biological sisters, and they couldn't be more different.  
  
"But what about what happened this summer?" Kirsten asked. Dr. Colefield said it was a good thing if Ryan were able to forgive and forget how they treated him this summer.  
  
"Honestly," Ryan said, "I don't blame Luke for what happened this summer. He and I both acted the same way because of Marissa. He came after me when he thought I was trying to steal Marissa away, and I went after Oliver the same way. I'm not blaming Marissa, entirely. I'm just saying Luke and I are a like in that way. Whether it's good or bad, that's the way it is."  
  
Kirsten still didn't like it, but Ryan did make a great deal of sense. She had to prove that she trusted him, and hope she was right.  
  
"Let me ask you this – what would you guys be doing tonight?" She asked.  
  
Ryan just stared at Kirsten for a minute, not really sure where she was going with that question.  
  
"Chip wants a re-match at the batting cages," he explained, "and then loser pays for something to eat at the diner."  
  
"And the loser would be Chip?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan nodded,  
  
"Probably."  
  
"Because he sucks?" Kirsten joked.  
  
Ryan just laughed,  
  
"Ah, yeah, sorry about that."  
  
"So, there wouldn't be any parties? No fights? No girls?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Ryan couldn't believe where the conversation was going. Kirsten was going to let him go out. He couldn't believe she was going to trust him. It was a shock, but one that made him very happy.  
  
"Well, I'd have to say No. At least to the fights and the partying." He told her.  
  
"And the girls?" Kirsten asked. She liked that Ryan was once again joking with her. He is such a good kid, she thought.  
  
"Do I really have to promise you on that one?" he joked. "I mean, I am single now....."  
  
Kirsten tried to look and sound serious as she told him,  
  
"Well, then, at least promise that you'll be smart, and you know...."  
  
But the look on Ryan's face made her stop talking and start laughing. It was a look of pure panic.  
  
"Ok." Ryan started to stammer, "Just stop talking. Not. No way. Just stop. I'll promise anything if you just stop....."  
  
Kirsten tried to sound parental as she told him,  
  
"I'm just saying...."  
  
"Oh, God," Ryan moaned, "Please. Just. No."  
  
Before Kirsten could continue, Sandy walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey," he said, "How's it going? What are you guys talking about?"  
  
"Nothing!" Ryan said. His face was a very bright shade of red.  
  
Kirsten again tried to tell him,  
  
"I was just saying...."  
  
But Ryan interrupted her.  
  
"Batting cages." He said, "That's it. Nothing else. Batting cages, I promise. No parties, no fights, no..... No girls. Ok, batting cages."  
  
"Ok." Kirsten told him.  
  
"Ok?" Ryan asked her, "But I thought you said...."  
  
"I know what I said," Kirsten told him, "But I trust you. Batting cages and then the diner. And then home. I'm still not crazy about the three of them, but I trust you. You can go, and have fun."  
  
Ryan smiled.  
  
"Thanks," he told her, "I promise. No trouble."  
  
And with that, Ryan continued working on the dinner Kirsten came home to cook and Sandy and Kirsten watched him. They both had smiles on their faces, just watching their son cook dinner. Sandy figured they still had at least a week, and he wanted everyone to enjoy this happiness for as long as they could. Ryan was their son, at least for now. 


	16. The it hits the fan

Ryan went out with Luke, Brad and Chip that night, and had a good time, without any trouble, just like he promised Kirsten. Actually, the rest of the weekend, as well as during the week, Ryan managed not only to stay out of trouble but to almost enjoy himself. He seemed happier, because he felt happier.  
  
He told Dr. Colefield that on Tuesday. He told her all about his conversation with Kirsten and Sandy, including what happens to the money that comes in each month. He knew they didn't need the money, but since he couldn't figure out what they wanted from him, his mind went straight to the money. It was one of the very few reasons his own mother wanted him around. But he still wasn't sure what the Cohens wanted or why they wanted him, they just did. And maybe, Dr. Colefield told him, there was no need for anyone to answer that question. Maybe there was no answer. Maybe it was just one of those things that Ryan needed to understand and accept.  
  
After this second visit to Dr. Colefield, Sandy and Kirsten noticed that Ryan seemed even happier and more relaxed. Unfortunately, they knew that it would only be for a short time, at least for now. They knew the investigation was going to start soon, and they knew they'd have to tell Ryan about it. They discussed it with Dr. Colefield during their meeting on Wednesday.  
  
"As you know," Dr. Colefield told them, "I contacted Child Services last week on your behalf. The Social Worker in charge of Ryan's case called me back this morning. Her name is Heidi Dawson. I informed her that I was counseling both the two of you in addition to Ryan. I promised her my report by the beginning of next week. I will forward a copy to your office as well, Mr. Cohen. Mrs. Dawson said she would begin interviewing all parties sometime the middle or end of next week. She'll be sending out notices."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy were both shocked. They knew that the investigation was going to start, but Sandy thought Madeline would have called him.  
  
"I thought your friend was going to call you as soon as she heard anything new." Kirsten said. She was thinking the same thing as Sandy.  
  
'I thought she was, too," Sandy told her, "I've put off calling her because I didn't want to raise any suspicions, but I'll give her a call first thing tomorrow."  
  
Dr. Colefield felt for the Cohens. She could tell they were very worried about everything, but her main concern was for Ryan.  
  
"I take it from talking to Ryan yesterday that he still doesn't know." She said.  
  
It was Kirsten who spoke,  
  
"No, not yet. I guess we have to tell him now, though. It's just. Well. He seems so much better, happier. I hate the idea of what this is all going to do to him."  
  
"He is better," Dr. Colefield explained, "But he still has a long way to go. There are still many unresolved trust and anger issues. You don't want him finding out about this from someone else. You need to be the ones who tell him."  
  
"Do you think it could possibly wait until Saturday?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Why Saturday?" Dr. Colefield wanted to know before she would answer.  
  
Sandy started to explain,  
  
"We've decided to legally adopt Ryan, provided we don't lose custody. My office has been in contact with his biological father, who I am meeting with on Saturday. I'm also hoping by Saturday to have more information on his mother's whereabouts. She has apparently moved since Christmas, without telling us."  
  
"Does Ryan know any of this?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"No." Kirsten explained, "We wanted to tell him about the adoption and the investigation at the same time."  
  
Dr. Colefield really liked the way they were thinking. They really did have a good handle on how to deal with Ryan. She still needed to ask the questions, though, so her records could reflect what she already knew.  
  
"So, why at the same time?" she asked them.  
  
"We figured he'd be pretty upset about the investigation, but if we show him how serious we really are about his place in our family, he wouldn't do anything rash, or um, well, stupid." Sandy said. He hated to use the word stupid when talking about Ryan, but given some of the impulsive stunts Ryan has pulled, he didn't know how else to explain it.  
  
"Rash or stupid? Like what?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
But Kirsten understood what Sandy was trying to say,  
  
"Like runaway. Again. Like last time."  
  
Dr. Colefield wanted more information,  
  
"Like last time?"  
  
This time it was Sandy who answered,  
  
"In August, when I first brought Ryan home. He ran off the night before we were to meet with the social worker."  
  
"And hid in a house that he ultimately burned down." Dr. Colefield finished the story.  
  
Now Dr. Colefield remembered what they were talking about. She had originally been worried that maybe Ryan had runaway more then once, but the Cohens were still concerned about something he did before they were his parents.  
  
"Yes," Kirsten said, "but it wasn't his fault."  
  
"What wasn't his fault? Running away or the fire?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"The fire," Kirsten told her, "Running away was his fault, and we're trying to prevent that from happening again."  
  
"So, you're softening the blow about the investigation with the news that you've decided to legally adopt him." Dr. Colefield summarized.  
  
"Well, that's what we were thinking." Sandy explained, "But what do you think?"  
  
"Actually," Dr. Colefield said, "I think it's a very good idea. But I've got to warn you again, you must be the ones to tell him. If Ryan finds out from some where else, the consequences could be devastating."  
  
Both Kirsten and Sandy nodded.  
  
"Saturday," Sandy promised, "When I get home. We'll tell him. Everything."  
  
Having to tell Ryan everything was weighing very heavily on Sandy and Kirsten. It also didn't help that on Thursday Sandy found out that his contact at Child Services had some sort of family emergency and would be out an indefinite amount of time, and on Friday, Rachel told him that they were no closer to finding Dawn Atwood then they were the week before. By Saturday, Sandy was worried that Ryan's biological father would refuse to sign the papers, and they wouldn't have a whole lot of good news to tell Ryan.  
  
Since it wasn't all that uncommon for Sandy and Kirsten to both work the occasional Saturday, neither Ryan nor Seth thought much of it. Caleb wanted Kirsten to come in and work on some ideas for yet another new model home open house. Kirsten knew she could have gotten out of it, but knowing they had to tell Ryan that night made her very uncomfortable, and she saw it as an opportunity to hide until Sandy got home. All Sandy said was that he had an appointment before he left.  
  
After Sandy and Kirsten left, Ryan cleaned up the breakfast dishes while Seth watched.  
  
"So, what do you think? Should we put a little Seth-Ryan time on the books?" Seth asked.  
  
Ryan was slightly surprised,  
  
"Yeah sure," he said, "What, no Summer?" Seth was always with Summer, or at least on the phone with Summer.  
  
"Nope," Seth said, "It's her day of beauty or something like that. I'll catch up with her later. What about your little sports buddies? Don't you guys have a date?"  
  
"Nope." Ryan answered.  
  
He continued to clean up the kitchen while Seth continued to watch. Rosa didn't work Saturdays anymore, and they were both supposed to help out. But it was always Ryan who did the helping, and Seth who did the supervising as he called it.  
  
"So, ok. What should we do? A little play station, perhaps." Seth said.  
  
"Sure, fine." Ryan said as he finished up with the kitchen.  
  
It was amazing the fierce competition that had developed between Seth and Ryan. After seven months of living there, Ryan had gotten really good at the Ninja game, and it drove Seth crazy that he couldn't win every time. After a few hours of competition, Seth finally won, so he was more willing to talk again.  
  
"Well, what's new?" he asked Ryan, "I feel like we never talk anymore."  
  
Ryan knew Seth was going some where with this, but for the life of him, he wasn't sure where that was,  
  
"Seth, we live in the same house, go to the same school, we see each other all the time."  
  
"Very well, then," Seth continued, "Tell me about Dr. Colefield. How's that going? You're obviously still going since I haven't seen Dad or Mom have a cow lately."  
  
Crap, Ryan thought, it must be driving Seth crazy that no one tells him about Ryan's progress or whatever you wanted to call it. But Ryan wasn't going to be the one to tell him.  
  
"Fine." Was all Ryan would say.  
  
"Fine." Seth mimicked, "That's it? You have nothing else to say?"  
  
Ryan smirked, "No."  
  
Seth just shook his head. He didn't know what it would take to get Ryan to open up and confide in him.  
  
"Damn, man." Seth said, "I hope you talk more with her then you do with me. Otherwise, what a complete waste of money!"  
  
He would bring up the money, Ryan thought. He knew it was costing Sandy and Kirsten a fortune to send him to Dr. Colefield. He didn't need Seth to remind him  
  
"Seth," he explained, "I talk. She asks questions. I answer them. She asks more questions. I answer them, too and so forth. God knows how long I'll have to continue doing that every week. I don't really want to do it when I'm home, too. Tell me about Summer. How goes it?"  
  
It was pretty easy for Ryan to get Seth to change the subject. All he had to do was mention Summer.  
  
Seth smiled. He really was very proud of his relationship with Summer.  
  
"It's going good." Seth told him, "Better then good. It's everything I dreamed it would be. Well, except for one small detail."  
  
"Please don't tell me any more fish sex stories!" Ryan joked.  
  
"No, nothing like that." Seth told him. He wanted to talk serious to Ryan for a moment. He promised Summer he would. He just didn't think it would go real well.  
  
"It's just." Seth started, "Well, Summer wants me to talk to you. About Marissa."  
  
"What about Marissa?" Seth really didn't like the tone in Ryan's voice. Seth recognized that voice as a warning to Seth not to push him too far.  
  
"Well, it's just." Seth started to explain, really quickly, "That she's really upset. I know you guys are broken up, but well, she says you ignore her all the time. She's not asking for a second chance or anything. She just wants to know if you guys can be friends. Maybe hang out sometimes."  
  
Ryan took a deep breath. He had been thinking about Marissa lately. He just wasn't sure what to do.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe." He told Seth, "I just. Every time I see her, I can't help but think about that night she called me pathetic, in front of her house. All I wanted to do was help her see what Oliver was really like. I mean, I blatantly disobeyed Sandy by going there that night, and all she could do was call me pathetic and run out on me. I just have to think about it."  
  
Seth knew Ryan was still hurt, but he also knew Ryan really needed to start letting it go.  
  
"Well, if you're able to forgive Luke, Chip and Brad for treating you like a punching bag this summer, don't you think you could, maybe, consider being friends with Marissa, too. You know, take it one step at a time"  
  
"Yeah, well, I just need to think about it." Was all Ryan really wanted to say about it.  
  
"Hey," he said, changing the subject, "You want some lunch? I think we still have some leftovers from last night."  
  
"Nah," Seth said, "Let's go down to the pier. Grab a bite to eat down there. Maybe a lobster or two from the Crap Shack."  
  
Ryan really wasn't in the mood to head to the pier, and he definitely didn't want to eat at the Crab Shack. He worked there. He knew what they did to the food.  
  
"Well, ok," he told Seth, "But only if you want to walk. Remember, no car." Ryan knew Seth wouldn't want to go if they had to walk.  
  
It worked, as Seth just made a face and told him,  
  
"Yeah, we really need to work on them about getting us some wheels. Leftovers it is."  
  
As they headed for the kitchen, the doorbell rang.  
  
"You get the leftovers. I'll get the door." Ryan told Seth.  
  
Ryan opened the front door to find Julie Cooper standing there with a really smug look on her face.  
  
"Hello, Ryan." She said.  
  
God, Ryan thought, I really don't like this woman.  
  
"Um, hi, Mrs. Cooper," he said, "Sandy and Kirsten aren't home."  
  
"Oh, I wonder where they could be?" she asked as she stepped into the entranceway. "Maybe out trying to find another juvenile delinquent to replace you."  
  
"Replace me?" Ryan asked, not really sure where this conversation was going. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Cooper. I'm not following you."  
  
"Oh, you don't?" Julie pretended to be surprised,  
  
"You mean you don't know yet? Kirsten and Sandy haven't received one of these yet?" She said, as she handed Ryan a copy of a letter.  
  
Ryan looked at the letter addressed to her, which started, "In Re: Ryan Atwood" and was from Child Services.  
  
"I got one. Jimmy got one. Marissa got one." Julie explained, loving that she was the one who got to tell Ryan,  
  
"It's to discuss you. They want to ask me all about you. Now, what do you think I should tell them? I probably should start with what you did this summer and just continue to tell them everything up to and including how you broke my daughter's heart and left her devastated. By the time I'm done, Ryan, you'll be lucky if you only get sent back to juvie. And even if you aren't, I can promise you this, you will be gone. Gone from Newport and gone from my daughter's life. Forever."  
  
If only I had a camera, Julie thought, I'd love a picture of Ryan's face right now.  
  
She smiled as she turned to leave, her work being done,  
  
"Oh, you can keep that copy. I have another one. Have a nice day. One of your last here in Newport."  
  
Ryan just stood in the entranceway, long after Julie Cooper left. He stared blankly at the letter. He should have known, he thought. Man, the Atwood luck strikes again. How was he going to tell Kirsten and Sandy about this? He thought their troubles were finally behind them. Now he was bringing a whole new set of problems into their lives. He could feel the hot tears in his eyes, but he refused to cry. He would never give Julie Cooper that satisfaction, whether she knew it or not.  
  
Seth finally came looking for Ryan,  
  
"Hey, man," he said, "What's up? Why you standing there? Lunch. Food. Eats."  
  
It took Ryan a minute to answer, and when he did, he couldn't bring himself to look at Seth.  
  
"Julie Cooper was here. She gave me this." He said, as he handed Seth the letter.  
  
Ryan continued to explain as Seth read the letter,  
  
"It's from Child Services. They're asking questions about me. About my living here. She said she's going to do whatever she can to get rid of me."  
  
Seth couldn't believe what he was hearing. This can't be happening to us, he thought.  
  
"I can't believe it." Seth said, "Why would they go to Julie Cooper, and not Mom and Dad. It makes no sense. Come on, we need to call them. Dad will know what to do."  
  
Seth stormed off into the kitchen as Ryan slowly followed. Unfortunately, Sandy's cell phone was off. All Seth could do was leave him a message to call home as soon as possible, and then he called Kirsten. Luckily, Kirsten picked up on the second ring.  
  
She heard a very frantic Seth as he said,  
  
"Mom, Mom. Thank God. Here talk to Ryan."  
  
But then she heard Ryan said,  
  
"No, you do it."  
  
So Seth told her,  
  
"Mom, Julie Cooper was just here. She gave Ryan a copy of a letter from Child Services. She said they're investigating Ryan. I can't get Dad. His cell phone is off."  
  
Kirsten felt her heart sink. Ryan knew, and they weren't the ones to tell him. Devastating consequences, Dr. Colefield said.  
  
"Oh, God." She said, "Seth, where is Ryan now?"  
  
"He's right here." Seth said, as he handed the phone over to Ryan.  
  
"Hey." Was all Ryan was able to get out.  
  
"Oh, Ryan, sweetie," Kirsten said, "I'm so sorry Julie did that to you. What did she say?"  
  
"She said that there's an investigation." Ryan started to relive his conversation, "They want to talk to her and Mr. Cooper and Marissa. She said. She said that she's going to tell them whatever she could to get me sent back to juvie."  
  
He hated that he had to tell Kirsten about this. He hated to upset her.  
  
"No. No. Honey." He heard Kirsten say, "She won't do that. I promise, sweetie. We're working on it. Sandy and I aren't going to let that happen."  
  
"You mean you knew about this?" Ryan couldn't believe that they would know and not tell him, but he was shocked to hear Kirsten say,  
  
"Yes."  
  
"When?" Ryan demanded, "How long have you known?"  
  
Kirsten admitted, "About a week. Well, I guess a little more then a week. We didn't want you to worry."  
  
Ryan's voice turned very cold,  
  
"When were you planning on telling me?" he asked, "What, were you just going to pack my bags for me with out bothering to tell me? I'd just come home to another note? Except this time, I would be the one leaving, is that it?"  
  
"Please, Ryan. No." Kirsten was pleading with him, "Stop. Ok? Please just calm down. I'm leaving work right now. I'll be home in a little bit. We'll talk. Ok?"  
  
But Ryan just hung up the phone, without answering Kirsten. She lied. Sandy lied. They both lied to him. They knew. They knew he was leaving. They knew Child Services was coming to take him away, but they lied to him anyway. He wasn't part of their family, and he never would be. Suddenly Ryan needed to get out of the house. It wasn't his house, his home. He didn't need to talk. He needed to get away.  
  
"I gotta go." He told Seth as he put the phone down.  
  
"Ryan, wait. What did she say." Seth was suddenly very afraid. He wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew it wasn't good. Not good at all.  
  
"Nothing. I gotta go." Ryan said, again.  
  
But Seth grabbed his arm,  
  
"Ryan," he started, knowing he had to stop Ryan from leaving. But Ryan pulled his arm away.  
  
"Seth," he said, "I need to get out of here. Do Not try to stop me."  
  
Ryan bolted from the house before Seth could say or do anything else. Meanwhile, Kirsten was in her car trying frantically to get in touch with Sandy. She was almost home when he finally answered his phone.  
  
"Hey, my favorite wife!" He said, "I was just about to call you. I'm just leaving the prison parking lot. Things went really well...."  
  
He didn't get a chance to say much more before Kirsten cut him off. It was her turn to be frantic.  
  
"Sandy. Seth called. Ryan knows. Julie Cooper told him. Sandy, he's so upset. You should have heard him. I'm on my way home now to talk to him. How soon can you get there?" Kirsten could feel the tears in her eyes. They blew it. Devastating consequences, that's all she could think about.  
  
"I'm about two hours from home." Sandy said, "Just try to calm him down. I got the documents signed. Tell him about them. Just tell him I'll be home as fast as I can. I'll try calling home as soon as we hang up and talk to him, too. Damn it."  
  
After Sandy hung up with Kirsten, he tried to phone home. Talk to Ryan over the phone. He knew Ryan was very upset, and he was worried about what he would say or do when Kirsten got home. He knew Ryan would never physically hurt Kirsten or Seth, but he didn't know what Ryan would say. No one answered the phone, though. He hoped that meant Seth and Ryan were together.  
  
But Seth just stood by the phone. He saw it was Sandy on the caller id, but he just didn't want to answer it. By the time Kirsten got home, Seth was going ballistic. He told Kirsten everything he knew, including Ryan running off, and she told him everything she knew. And by the time Sandy got home, both Kirsten and Seth were close to hysterical. It was almost two hours since Ryan took off, and they didn't know where. They kept trying his cell phone, but either he didn't have it on him or he wasn't answering it. Kirsten also tried calling around to the few people Ryan may have gone to – Luke and Marissa, but neither of them heard from him.  
  
The only good news Kirsten did get was from Jimmy. He promised Kirsten that he would not allow Julie to say or do anything to hurt Ryan. He also spoke to Mrs. Dawson over at Child Services. He and Julie would be meeting with her together, as Marissa's parents.  
  
"Well, at least that's one less thing to worry about." Sandy said, "Now we just have to find Ryan. Seth, he didn't say anything?"  
  
"He said he had to get out of here, and he left. I mean, can you blame him? How could you guys let this happen!?" Seth knew he was shouting, but he didn't care. He was mad. At his parents. At Child Services. Even at Ryan.  
  
"We didn't let anything happen." Kirsten told him, "It just happened."  
  
"I'm going to go get Summer and go look for him." Seth said, walking out of the kitchen.  
  
"Call me on my cell if you find him," Sandy shouted after Seth, and then turned to Kirsten,  
  
"Kirsten, you wait here in case he calls or comes back. I'm also going to look for him. Also, call Luke again. Ask him if he would know any place Ryan could be. Give him my cell number. Tell him to call me if he hears from Ryan."  
  
Luke also decided he should go look for Ryan. He didn't know what had happened over at the Cohen house, but he could hear how upset Mrs. Cohen was. He tried all the places he thought Ryan would go. But after a few hours, he was starting to think Ryan wasn't in Newport any more. It was on his third trip past the batting cages that he finally saw Ryan. He parked his truck and called Mr. Cohen.  
  
"Hey, Mr. Cohen," he said, "It's Luke. I found Ryan. He's over at the batting cages at the pier. I don't know how long he's been here. He wasn't here the last time I came by so I'm guessing he hasn't been here that long."  
  
"Thanks, Luke." Sandy told him, "Ill be there in a few minutes. I'm not that far away. Don't let him leave. Sit on him if you have to."  
  
Sandy was actually very grateful that it was Luke who found Ryan. He knew Luke would be able to strong arm Ryan into staying put a whole lot better then Seth.  
  
"You don't want me to bring him home?" Luke asked.  
  
Sandy just sighed. That would be a lot easier, but he seriously doubted Luke could get Ryan to willingly come home.  
  
"You could try," he told Luke, "But I doubt he'll come on his own. Just don't let him leave. I'm almost there."  
  
Thank God, he's still in Newport. Sandy thought as he hung up his phone. He was sure that Ryan would have left town by now. It had been a number of hours since he ran out. Hopefully the fact he was still here would make it easier to talk to him. Sandy called Kirsten and Seth. He asked Seth to stay away from home for a couple of hours to allow them the time to talk to Ryan alone. Seth understood. Sandy knew he would. He promised Kirsten that no matter what, he would bring Ryan home, either on his own or kicking and screaming, but either way, Ryan would come home.  
  
Luke got out of his truck and came up behind Ryan. Luckily Ryan wasn't paying too much attention to anything around him. He was just hitting ball after ball. Luke didn't speak until he was standing at the doorway into the batting cage, blocking Ryan's exit.  
  
"Ry, man. Thank God I found you. Your folks are going nuts."  
  
But Ryan just mumbled,  
  
"They're not my folks."  
  
"Believe me, man," Luke continued, "I talked to Mrs. Cohen. She called looking for you. They're going insane wondering where you are. She said you just took off. Come on, I'll give you a ride home."  
  
But Ryan just answered,  
  
"It's not my home."  
  
Luke just stared at Ryan for a minute. Not my folks? Not my home?  
  
"Dude, what the hell are you talking about?" Luke asked.  
  
But Ryan still wouldn't look at Luke. He just kept hitting baseballs as he said,  
  
"They aren't my parents. They never were and they never will be. It's not my home. Never was, and pretty soon, never will be."  
  
"Ah, dude," Luke told him, "You aren't making any sense."  
  
Ryan finally stopped hitting baseballs and told Luke,  
  
"Look, Luke. I don't wanna get into it right now. I'm not going back there, just to have to leave again. I'm just gonna leave now."  
  
"Yeah and go where?" Luke asked, still blocking the exit of the batting cage.  
  
"I don't know," Ryan shrugged, "Back to Chino, maybe."  
  
"And stay with who?" Luke asked, looking around for Mr. Cohen, hoping he would be there soon.  
  
Ryan just shrugged again,  
  
"I don't know. I'm waiting for my friend Teresa to call me back. We'll figure something out."  
  
For a smart kid, he sure was acting pretty dumb, Luke thought.  
  
"Gee, man, sounds like you've really thought this all out." He told Ryan.  
  
"Well, what else do you want me to do?" Ryan shouted, "Just sit back and wait for them to send me to some group home, or worse, back to juvie?"  
  
"Who the hell is doing that? Not the Cohens." Luke was confused. He knew the Cohens loved Ryan, like their own son. Before Ryan could answer, Sandy came up and answered for him,  
  
"No one is sending Ryan any where." He said.  
  
"Yeah, and how do you know that?" Ryan shot back at him.  
  
"Ryan," Sandy said, trying to keep his voice soft, but still forceful enough that Ryan would know he meant business.  
  
"No one is taking you any where. Not without a fight. Come on. I want you to come home now so we can talk about this."  
  
"I have nothing to say." Ryan replied, his voice cold as ice.  
  
"Well, I do." Sandy said. He knew Ryan had every right to be angry, but he would not allow Ryan to talk to him in that tone or in that manner.  
  
"Wait," Luke said. "Why would you go back to juvie?"  
  
Sandy almost forgot Luke was still there.  
  
"He's not." Sandy answered for Ryan, "There's an investigation by Child Services over the whole Oliver incident that has Ryan upset."  
  
Ryan looked from Luke to Sandy. Even though they were both blocking the exit, he told Sandy,  
  
"If you're going to talk about me like I'm not even here, then I'll just leave now."  
  
Sandy was starting to get angry.  
  
"I told you, the only place you are going is home." He told Ryan.  
  
"Yeah, and exactly where would that be?" Ryan shot back at him.  
  
"Ryan..." Sandy warned.  
  
"And there is a chance I could go back to juvie. Just ask Julie Cooper." Ryan continued.  
  
"What about Julie?" Luke asked. "What does she have to do with this?"  
  
Ryan finally looked at Luke,  
  
"They're interviewing her because she's Marissa's mother, and she's promised to tell them what ever it takes to get me sent back."  
  
Luke knew she hated Ryan, but he couldn't believe she would be such a bitch.  
  
"Well, what did you say to her?' he asked Ryan.  
  
"Nothing." Ryan answered.  
  
Luke was surprised.  
  
"You didn't tell her you know?" Ryan was the only one who knew about Luke and Julie hooking up.  
  
"No." was Ryan's one word answer.  
  
"Why not?" Luke couldn't believe Ryan wouldn't say anything to Julie.  
  
"I promised." Ryan told him. He promised, and he wouldn't break his promise no matter what. It was a shock to Luke. Ryan would rather go back to juvie then break a promise to him. He was more of a friend then Luke would have ever guessed.  
  
"Look, Ry, forget that. If you won't say anything, then I'll talk to her. I'll tell her that either she keep her mouth shut, or I'll tell everyone."  
  
"Tell everyone what?" Sandy finally asked. He was quietly trying to figure out what he and Luke were talking about.  
  
"Nothing." Ryan snapped at him.  
  
"Ok. Fine. Just as long as you believe someone that you don't have to worry about Julie Cooper, I won't ask." Sandy told him, "Now, I want you to come home, Ryan."  
  
But Ryan refused to budge.  
  
"Now, Ryan!" Sandy yelled, but Ryan just turned his back on Sandy and was about to start hitting another round of baseballs. Sandy wasn't sure but he thought he heard Ryan mumble "Fuck off" as he turned away.  
  
"Excuse me!" Sandy said, "I don't think I heard that. What did you say to me?"  
  
"Nothing." Ryan again snapped at Sandy.  
  
"Ryan..." Sandy started again. He knew he was shouting. It was becoming a real stand off between him and Ryan.  
  
"I said NO." Ryan shouted back. "I'm not going with you. You lied to me. You and Kirsten both. You lied. You promised me that I had a home, a family, and it was all a lie. And you knew it. That's it. I'm done. I'm not going back with you."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy lowered his voice, "I know you're upset, but if you would just come home with me, we can talk. I can explain."  
  
"NO!" Ryan shouted again.  
  
The whole scene was really starting to get to Luke. He could see it was quickly turning ugly between Ryan and Mr. Cohen, and he wasn't sure how to stop it. His own relationship with his father was still really shaky, and he hated to see it happen to a friend.  
  
"Ry, man," Luke pleaded, "Listen to him. Hear what he has to say. Come on, he's your father."  
  
Ryan didn't look at Luke, but at Sandy when he said,  
  
"No, he's not. My father's in jail. He's just my lawyer."  
  
That was it. That was all Ryan had to say. Sandy was now really angry. He wasn't going to continue this conversation at the pier. Ryan was coming home with him, and he was coming now.  
  
"No. You're wrong. Rachel is your lawyer, and I am your father, and you are coming home with me. NOW."  
  
When Ryan still didn't move, Sandy continued,  
  
"Alright, Ryan. I'll give you a choice. Either you come with me, now. OR I call the police and report you as a runaway, and have them bring you home. Either way, you are coming home. The choice is yours. Which is it? Me or the police?"  
  
Ryan stared at Sandy for a minute. He knew he had gone too far with the lawyer comment, but he couldn't believe Sandy would actually call the cops on him. The look on Sandy's face, however, said otherwise.  
  
Ryan slammed his bat to the ground and said,  
  
"Fine. Whatever."  
  
He followed Sandy to the car. Once again, there would be a talk when they got home, and once again, Ryan didn't look forward to it. 


	17. Trying To Get Him To Listen

Ryan had nothing to say to Sandy on the car ride home. Sandy was too angry to talk as well. He kept telling himself that Ryan had every right to be mad and hurt, but he was still angry at Ryan's behavior. Even though it was a relatively short ride home, he hoped it would give them both a chance to calm down. He wanted to talk to Ryan, and he wanted Ryan to listen. He didn't want another argument like the one at the pier.  
  
When they got home, Ryan jumped out of the car without one word, and stormed into the house. He had every intention of going straight through the house and into the pool house. Unfortunately, Kirsten was waiting for him in the kitchen, and Sandy was right behind him.  
  
"Thank God." Kirsten said when she saw him, "Ryan, where were you?"  
  
"Out!" He snapped at her, trying to push past her to get out of the kitchen.  
  
"Watch it." He heard Sandy say from behind him.  
  
"Look, I'm here," Ryan said turning to look at Sandy, "only so you wouldn't call the cops on me. That doesn't mean I have to like it."  
  
"You don't have to like it, but you do have to watch your mouth." Sandy warned him.  
  
"Sit down." Sandy continued, pointing to the barstool. But Ryan only continued to stand, with his arms folded in front of him.  
  
"Now!" Sandy demanded.  
  
Ryan glared at Sandy, but he sat down on the barstool. Kirsten found it very upsetting to see how angry Ryan and Sandy were at each other. She knew Ryan was upset, but she wondered what had happened between the two of them that would have Sandy so mad.  
  
"Ryan, sweetie," Kirsten said, "I know you're upset, but I swear to you we never intended for you to find out this way. We were planning on telling you before the investigation started. I promise." Kirsten was trying to be the soothing voice of reason. She knew she needed to defuse both Sandy and Ryan's tempers.  
  
But Ryan just snorted at her,  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy said, getting very close to Ryan as he spoke, "You need to listen to us, listen to what we are saying. If we're going to get through this investigation, we have to do it as a family."  
  
When Ryan only looked down at the bar, and not meet Sandy's stare, Sandy softened his voice,  
  
"Ryan, I know you're mad, and hurt, and scared, but listen to us. We're sorry that Julie was the one who told you about Child Services. I can only imagine how you felt. But I'm.... We're not sorry we didn't tell you when we first heard about it. We discussed it with Dr. Colefield and at the time, we all decided that it was best for you if we handled the specifics of the investigation, and let you concentrate on being 16. A normal 16 year old."  
  
"Normal?" Ryan finally looked up at Sandy, "How can you say normal. My life is anything but normal, Sandy. It never has been."  
  
"But we're hoping it will be." Sandy told him.  
  
"How?" Ryan asked, "They're coming to take me away." He no longer sounded angry, but hurt. Very, very hurt, and very, very scared.  
  
"No, Ryan. You're wrong." Kirsten said, "They're not. They want to look into what happened. Make sure we all recognize the mistakes that were made, and that none of us will make the same mistakes ever again."  
  
But Ryan didn't believe that,  
  
"Well, if that's it, and it's no big deal then why the secrets? Why not just tell me about it? Why hide it?"  
  
"We didn't want to upset you." Kirsten told him. It sounded lame, even to her.  
  
"Yeah, because it was so much better to find out about it this way." Ryan shot back at her, his voice was full of sarcasm.  
  
"Ryan, we are so sorry." Kirsten said again, "We can't say it enough. It was wrong that you found out the way you did, but we weren't wrong in trying to protect you for as long as we could. I promise you we are going to handle this. We are handling this."  
  
"How?" Ryan's voice was almost a whisper. He was looking at Kirsten as he asked the question, but wasn't surprised that it was Sandy who answered.  
  
"I've turned your entire file over to Rachel from my office. She will be acting as your attorney from now on. She's already gotten your school records from Chino Hills so we can use them as a comparison to your records at Harbor. Show that despite everything that's just happened, you're still doing better at Harbor with us then you ever did in Chino. She also got some of your medical records. To show some of the abuse that went on in Chino, which you will need to be honest about."  
  
"But why does she have to do it? Why can't you do it?" Ryan asked. It bothered him that Sandy knew anything about his past, now some woman he barely knew would be seeing his records.  
  
"I'm working with her on it, but she will be your attorney of record." Sandy told him, not really answering Ryan's real question.  
  
"Well, why do I even need an attorney? Because of juvie?" Ryan asked.  
  
"No," Sandy explained, "Not because of juvie, but because this morning I went down to the prison to see your biological father. To ask him to sign these."  
  
None of this was making any sense to Ryan. He looked at the papers Sandy had handed him, but they didn't mean anything to him.  
  
"What? Why?" was about all Ryan could think to say.  
  
Sandy tried to explain a little bit better,  
  
"We've asked him to give up any and all parental rights to help clear the way to legally adopt you. That's why Rachel is your attorney of record. I can't be your attorney and your father, and I'd rather be your father."  
  
Unfortunately, Ryan just answered with a  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Kirsten finally spoke up and told him,  
  
"If we legally adopt you then we won't lose you."  
  
"And you can do all of this right now, before the Child Services lady makes her decision?" Ryan asked.  
  
First Sandy sighed and then answered,  
  
"No. That we can't do. We'll be working on it at the same time as the investigation. We will still need to cooperate with Mrs. Dawson from Child Services."  
  
"So, what's the point?" Ryan asked as he dropped the papers Sandy handed him, "That woman decides I don't belong here then I'm gone. And that's it."  
  
"No, Ryan. That's not it." Kirsten didn't mean to shout, it just came out that way, "Some Social Worker is not going to break up this family. And we are a family. It will work out. We will answer whatever questions she has, and we will move on. The adoption will go through and then we can forget all about this. And then that will be it."  
  
"Well, if answering her questions is just all it takes, then why bother with an adoption. Seems like a lot of trouble to go through for no reason." Ryan told her. He knew Kirsten was just trying to make him feel better. It wasn't working, though.  
  
"Because we think you're a very important reason." Sandy told him softly. "We already consider you an important member of this family, as our son. Now we legally want to make you a Cohen."  
  
"A Cohen?" Ryan said, "You mean I'd have to change my name?"  
  
"What would be wrong with that?" Kirsten asked him, "I did it."  
  
Ryan shrugged. Ok, Kirsten changed her name, because she got married. He wasn't getting married.  
  
"It's not that. Its just, well, I'm a little old to change my name. To become someone else."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy told him, "You won't be someone else. Yes, legally you would be a Cohen, with all the same legal rights and responsibilities as Seth. But it would be up to you. If you want to continue to use the name Atwood, that's fine with us. We just want it recognized legally that you are our son, and we are your parents."  
  
Ryan just looked back down at the papers. It still wasn't making enough sense for Ryan to wrap his head around.  
  
"And my father didn't have a problem with that? He just signed these?" Ryan asked, but then answered his own questions,  
  
"Well, I guess there's no reason for him not to. I haven't seen him since I was like eight, and even before he went to jail, he really wasn't a big part of my life. So why would he care?"  
  
"Actually he does care," Sandy surprised him by saying, "That's why he signed these. He knows it's what's best for you. He also knows it will be years before he will see you, if he ever sees you again. He asked a lot of questions about you. Wanted me to tell him everything about you."  
  
"But he doesn't want to see me." Ryan said. It wasn't a question, since he already knew the answer.  
  
"No." Sandy corrected him, "He doesn't want you to see him. Not in jail. He wants what's best for you, and he knows that it's here with us."  
  
Ryan wasn't going to argue with Sandy. The facts were still the same. He had his father's DNA and nothing else, so he asked,  
  
"What about my mother? Have you seen her yet?"  
  
"No, not yet. We've tried contacting her, but, well, we haven't had much success yet." Sandy was trying to sugar coat it for Ryan, but Ryan already knew,  
  
"What, did she move again without telling anyone?"  
  
"Um," Sandy started, "We don't know yet. We're working on it."  
  
Ryan knew Sandy was lying. He didn't know why Sandy felt the need to lie. He knew what his mother was like, better then Sandy would ever know.  
  
"I don't know," Ryan told them, "I still think this all is just a waste. I mean, you've said it yourself. The slightest infraction would result in my being taken away. Well, I'd say what I did was a whole lot more then a slight infraction. I just know I'm gone."  
  
"No, you're not," Kirsten cried, "I just know this will work out. Yes, you made some mistakes, and we made some mistakes. We all made mistakes, but we dealt with them. We'll explain everything to Mrs. Dawson, and we will show her that you belong here, with us. And it will be ok."  
  
Ryan sighed, "I wish I could believe that, believe you, but..."  
  
Sandy interrupted him,  
  
"Then believe it. Believe us. It will be ok. But you have to stay here. You can't run away. No taking off without telling us where you are, no going off to Chino. You have to stay and be a part of this family. You need to prove to the Social Worker, as well as to yourself, that this is where you want to be, where you deserve to be. I promise, kid, it will be ok."  
  
Ryan didn't want to talk about any of this any more. He was done talking, he was done listening. He just felt done.  
  
"Yeah, ok." He said, "Look. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm tired."  
  
"And you will be here in the morning? To talk more, if you want." Kirsten asked him, before she would let him go.  
  
"I'm just kinda tired." Ryan told her, not answering her question.  
  
"But you will be here in the morning, right?" Sandy stated, with more authority in his voice then Kirsten.  
  
Ryan smirked, a little, and said,  
  
"That's another one of those rhetorical questions, isn't it?"  
  
"Pretty much." Sandy told him.  
  
"Yeah, night." Ryan said as he walked out the door. Kirsten and Sandy watched him walk to the pool house, without looking back. They knew he didn't believe them. They blew it, again, and they had no idea how they would be able to fix it.  
  
Inside the pool house, a very tired Ryan sat on his bed, trying to figure out what to do. He didn't want to leave. Not now, not ever. He loved the Cohens, and desperately wanted to be a part of their family. He just doubted he ever would be. As he changed his clothes and brushed his teeth, Ryan could himself start to break down. By the time he turned out his lights and climbed into bed, he was crying. For the first time in years, Ryan actually cried himself to sleep. 


	18. Sunday Sadness

Sandy checked on Ryan a number of times during the night. He was so worried that Ryan would take off again that he couldn't sleep. If he left at night again, then Sandy was afraid they would never find him. Luckily each time Sandy looked in, Ryan was still there. He had hoped that meant they could talk some more in the morning, and Ryan would listen.  
  
When Ryan didn't join them for breakfast, Sandy decided to bring his breakfast to him, so they could talk, again. Damn, he thought, as he looked into the pool house and saw Ryan lying there, just staring at the ceiling, it's just like with Oliver. He's shutting us out, again. He thought we let him down back then and he thinks we let him down again now. Only this time, Sandy thought, this time, Ryan was right. We did let him down. We let Julie Cooper get to him first.  
  
"Hey, kid," he said as he walked into the pool house, "I brought you some coffee and some breakfast. Thought you might be hungry."  
  
But Ryan didn't answer. He only sat up and shrugged.  
  
"You ok?" Sandy asked as he handed Ryan his coffee.  
  
Ryan only looked at him and snidely said,  
  
"Oh, yeah, wonderful."  
  
Sandy told himself that it was ok for Ryan to still be upset, and not to get angry. He'd allow Ryan the opportunity to blow off some steam and be a little rude and disrespectfully. To a point.  
  
"Ryan," Sandy started to explain, "It'll be ok. We'll get through this. I know you're scared....."  
  
"I'm not scared." Ryan snapped.  
  
"You aren't?" Sandy said, "Hell, I am. So is Kirsten and so is Seth. We're all scared. But we've got to believe it will be ok."  
  
But Ryan only shrugged his shoulders again, and sat on the edge of his bed. He was too tired to care at that point. He had a really restless night of sleep. He thought about leaving, just taking off, but he heard Sandy come in during the night, a number of times. He just pretended to be asleep.  
  
When Ryan only looked down at his coffee, Sandy decided to continue the talk, even though he knew it would probably be a one sided conversation.  
  
"Look, this is what we know so far. Kirsten talked to Jimmy. He and Julie are being interviewed together on Wednesday, along with Marissa. Our letter was in the mail yesterday. We don't get the luxury of knowing when, exactly, Mrs. Dawson is coming. Our's will be more of a surprise visit. We're guessing it will be towards the end of the week. Dr. Colefield has promised her report sometime the beginning of the week. She will be sending a copy to my office as well. After Mrs. Dawson has interviewed everyone and reviewed all the pertinent information, she will render her report."  
  
"How long?" Ryan asked. He couldn't get the rest of the words out.  
  
"How long?" Sandy asked, not sure what Ryan meant.  
  
"Do I have. Here." Ryan stuttered.  
  
"I'm not sure how long it will take for Mrs. Dawson to render her report," Sandy told him, not really answering Ryan's specific question, "It could be a few days or a few weeks. In the meantime, we will continue with the adoption. That way, when the investigation is over, we can finalize it."  
  
Ryan continued to look at his coffee as he asked Sandy,  
  
"And if we lose? What happens to me then? Juvie?"  
  
"Ryan..." Sandy started to say, softly.  
  
But Ryan stopped him. He wasn't in the mood for the "we gotta believe speech" again.  
  
"Please, Sandy," Ryan said, finally looking up at him, "What happens if we lose?"  
  
"There isn't much of a chance that you would go back to juvie," Sandy explained, "It would probably be more like a group home, or maybe another foster family. But you are almost seventeen, and then eighteen a year later. At eighteen, you are no longer part of the foster care system."  
  
"Then what happens to me?" Ryan asked, not sure where Sandy was going with that.  
  
But Sandy told him,  
  
"Then you come back here."  
  
"Why?" Ryan asked. Why, if he was no longer part of the foster care system, why would he have to go back to the Cohen's? Why would they want him to come back when he was eighteen?  
  
"Because this is where you belong." Sandy told him. "No one can stop you once you turn eighteen. But remember, that's only if we lose, and I have no plans on losing you. Not now, not ever."  
  
"I just wish I could believe that." Ryan muttered. He really wasn't talking to Sandy, he was just talking out loud.  
  
"Then believe it," Sandy told him before changing the subject, "Look, I've got to get down to the Lighthouse, do some work. Why don't you get dressed and come with me. Try to get your mind off some of this for a while."  
  
Not likely, Ryan thought, but just said,  
  
"I'd rather not. I think I just want to stay here. Do some homework. Maybe I'll come down later."  
  
He was lying, and he knew Sandy knew it, too. He wasn't going to do homework, and he wasn't going to go down to the Lighthouse later.  
  
"But can you do me a favor?" Ryan asked.  
  
"Anything, kiddo." Sandy promised.  
  
"Tell Seth to give me some space." He answered, "I can't. I'm not. He's. I'm just not in the mood, ok?"  
  
Sandy actually laughed a little. Ryan was trying to be subtle. They both knew what Ryan was trying to politely say.  
  
"Yeah. I'll talk to him," Sandy said, "Better yet, I'll have him come with me. It should be interesting, trying to get him interested in working. But I can't make any promises about Kirsten. I doubt no matter what either one of us say, she will be making an appearance or two here. You know, get all motherly."  
  
But Ryan just mumbled,  
  
"Thanks." And laid back down on the bed, staring up at his ceiling again.  
  
"Call me if you need anything. I'll be home later. Ok?" Sandy said as he opened the door to leave, hoping for some kind of a response from Ryan. But Ryan didn't have anything else to say.  
  
Ryan spent most of the day alone lying in bed. He tried to get some sleep, but he couldn't. Partly because he couldn't sleep and partly because Kirsten came in to check on him a few times, and bring him something to eat. She noticed that he hadn't touched his breakfast when she brought him his lunch, and when she came back later, she noticed he didn't touch that either. She kept trying to get him to eat, but he just kept saying his wasn't hungry, but he promised to eat later. It was close to 3:00 o'clock when she went back into the pool house, and noticed Ryan still hadn't touched anything.  
  
Ryan sat up when he saw Kirsten come into the pool house, again. He had wished that he asked Sandy to bring Kirsten to the Lighthouse, instead of Seth. At least with Seth, Ryan could get rid of him with a hard stare or a nasty glare. He couldn't do that with Kirsten.  
  
"Ryan," she started the second she walked in, "You need to eat something."  
  
"I told you Kirsten, I'm not hungry." He didn't mean to snap, but he wanted her to leave him alone.  
  
"Ok, fine. I'm not going to argue with you." Kirsten told him, "Obviously, you're not feeling well. It'll only take me a minute to call the doctor. I'll be right back."  
  
She pretended to head back out the door, knowing Ryan would stop her, and he did,  
  
"Doctor, what doctor? Kirsten, I don't need a doctor. I'm not sick. I'm just not hungry."  
  
"Ryan," she said as she turned back to him, "When was the last time you ate something?"  
  
Ryan just looked away, not wanting to answer that question.  
  
"Exactly my point." Kirsten said, "Seth said you didn't eat lunch yesterday. You weren't home for dinner last night. I threw away your breakfast from this morning, and today's lunch is still sitting there. Which means it's been well over twenty-four hours since you've had anything to eat. Obviously you're not feeling well, in which case I will go call the pediatrician and be right back."  
  
"Pediatrician? Kirsten, I think I'm a little old for a pediatrician. Besides, it's Sunday. No doctors' offices are open. Pediatrician or otherwise." Ryan said.  
  
You're under the age of eighteen so you're not too old for a pediatrician," Kirsten told him, "And this is Newport, Ryan, your pediatrician lives right down the road. His name is Peter Jackson, and he could be here in as little as ten minutes."  
  
"Great," Ryan muttered, "Dr. Pete from down the street. Oh, gee, ain't that sweet." His little Dr. Seuss rhyme would almost be funny, if Ryan wasn't getting really annoyed that Kirsten wouldn't just leave him alone.  
  
"Well, Dr. Pete will come up the street, if you don't eat." Kirsten shot back her own little Dr. Seuss, before continuing, "So, what's it going to be? Your sandwich or a visit from Dr. Pete?"  
  
They both stared at each other for a minute before Ryan finally gave in, knowing he wasn't going to win anyway.  
  
"Fine," he told her, "I'll eat the damn sandwich."  
  
"Ryan, don't say damn." Kirsten told him.  
  
"You're going to watch me eat?" Ryan asked her when he noticed she wasn't leaving. She was sitting in the chair next to the door.  
  
"Yes. As a matter of fact, I am." Kirsten said, "That way I know you've actually eaten, and your sandwich doesn't mysteriously end up in the trash."  
  
"Ah, thanks,' Ryan said as he picked up the sandwich, "Nothing like a little trust to make me feel better."  
  
Even though Ryan was being sarcastic, Kirsten just laughed and told him,  
  
"Oh, I trust you, sweetie, but I also know you. I know you don't like to eat when you're upset. So unless I sit here and watch you eat, I know you won't. And if you don't eat, you'll get sick, and if you get sick then Dr. Pete will have to come up the street, and I know you don't want that. So eat. Now."  
  
Ryan had nothing else to say. He just quietly ate the sandwich.  
  
"Satisfied." He said when he was done.  
  
"You've made my day." Kirsten told him, "However, you are still expected to join your family for dinner. But for now, I'll go. Why don't you join me? I'm going over some plans for the model home show. You know I love your thoughts and opinions."  
  
"Maybe later. I'm tired.' Ryan told her. He didn't mean to disappoint her, but he wasn't in the mood.  
  
"Well, if you're still tired tomorrow, I think I will take you to see the doctor. Maybe he could give you a shot or something. Oh, and Ryan," Kirsten said as she walked out the door, "Dr. Pete doesn't give his shots in the arm."  
  
Ryan couldn't help but smile after she left. He knew Kirsten was trying to make him feel better. He wondered if she ever knew how motherly she could be. She was nothing like Dawn. Dawn never knew when or if Ryan ate. She also never brought him to the doctor when he was sick. The only time Ryan saw a doctor was after he had been beaten, severely beaten. Damn, he thought, I'm really going to miss Kirsten.  
  
Sandy and Seth came home a little while later. Sandy knew from his numerous phone calls with Kirsten that Ryan was still sulking in the pool house. He wasn't sure how much more they could say or do for Ryan. He hadn't run away, which was good, but the depth of his depression was scary. Sandy knew that first thing in the morning he had to call Dr. Colefield.  
  
At dinnertime, Kirsten sent Seth out to get Ryan. She knew Seth was also really upset about everything, and scared to death that he was going to lose Ryan as a brother. She also knew that if anyone could talk to Ryan, it would be Seth.  
  
"Hey, man," Seth said, as he walked into the pool house without knocking, "Mom said to tell you dinner was ready."  
  
Seth was shocked to see Ryan still wearing the sweatpants and tee shirt he usually wore to bed. He had never known Ryan not to be up and dressed and ready to go every morning.  
  
"Dude, I can't believe you never even got dressed today."  
  
"Why?" Ryan asked, "I wasn't going any where. Not yet, anyway."  
  
"Damn, Ry," Seth shouted, "No wonder Mom and Dad are so freaked out. Stop it. Just stop it. Ok?" He didn't mean to yell at Ryan, but he was scared, and Ryan was making everything worse.  
  
"Stop what?" Ryan snapped at him, "What are you talking about now? And I don't need any reminders about how freaked out everyone is. I know that already."  
  
"I'm just saying, Ryan," Seth tried to explain, "That we're all used to your the glass is half empty approach to life, but damn, not only did you just empty the glass, but you've smashed it to the floor and you're walking on the broken pieces."  
  
"WHAT?" Ryan asked. Sometimes understanding what Seth was talking about was impossible.  
  
"Stop expecting the worst to happen." Seth said, "You don't know for sure that you're leaving, ok? And you wonder why they didn't tell you about this sooner. Look at you, they knew this is what you would do. Moping around the pool house all day, not eating, not talking to anyone. You've got to stop, man. You don't know for sure that you're leaving."  
  
"And you don't know for sure that I'm staying." Ryan shot back.  
  
"Maybe not," Seth admitted, "But I do know Dad. And I know he'll do everything in his power to make sure everything works out. Come on, get dressed. I'll tell Mom you'll be right there."  
  
"Just tell her I'm not hungry." Ryan told him.  
  
"Yeah, ah, no." Seth said, "Mom figured you'd say that so she told me to tell you she meant what she said before. Something about Dr. Jackson. So, if I were you, I'd get dressed and come eat."  
  
Dinner was about as quiet as any Cohen dinner could possibly be. Ryan didn't feel like talking or listening, or eating for that matter. But he ate, and grunted one-word answers to any questions aimed in his direction. Luckily, Kirsten, Sandy and Seth really didn't push Ryan to talk more, for once. After dinner, Ryan retreated back to the pool house for the rest of the night. Again, Kirsten and Sandy, as well as Seth, didn't bother him. They actually gave him his space to think, for once. 


	19. Monday, Marissa & more therapy

Sandy dropped Ryan and Seth off at school the next morning. Before leaving, he told both boys to have a good day, or at least try, he told them after they both just stared at him. He knew neither one of them would have a good day. He knew he and Kirsten wouldn't have a good day, either. No one would have a good day or a good week, not until this whole nightmare was behind them. Sandy headed to his office to call Dr. Colefield and ask her what they should do about Ryan. Ryan had even less to say then he did the day before, especially since Kirsten and Sandy decided not to push him any further, not without talking to Dr. Colefield.  
  
Sandy knew even before he dialed her number that Dr. Colefield would not be happy about the fact the Cohens were not the ones to tell Ryan about the investigation, and he was right. Dr. Colefield promised to rearrange her schedule so she could meet with Ryan that afternoon. She said she wanted to talk to Ryan first before advising the Cohens about how to best help him. She was very annoyed at them both for not being the ones who told Ryan, but if the extent of his depression was as severe as Mr. Cohen said, she could see why they kept putting off telling him.  
  
Sandy almost called over to the school a couple of times during the day to check on Ryan, but decided not too. He didn't want Ryan to think he was smothering him, or reminding him that they were also really worried. He figured Ryan would appreciate his space, and a chance at the normal routine of school. He'd pick Ryan up at 3:00 o'clock and take him over to Dr. Colefield.  
  
Lucky for Ryan, Sandy didn't call the school, because Ryan wasn't there. After Sandy dropped them off, Seth went off to his classes and Ryan started off to his. Except Ryan never made it to class. He ran into Marissa first.  
  
"Hi, Ryan." Marissa said, very timidly.  
  
"Hey." Ryan answered. It still bothered him to see her, but since he figured he wouldn't be there much longer, he figured he could at least try to be nice.  
  
"How are you?" she asked.  
  
"I'm, you know." Was all he could think of to say.  
  
"Ryan, I'm so sorry," she told him, "I know this is all my fault."  
  
"No, it's not." Ryan said.  
  
But Marissa didn't believe him. She knew it was her fault, and she knew Ryan also believed that.  
  
"But if I hadn't met Oliver or if I had just listened to you from the beginning, none of this would have happened. I am so sorry."  
  
Before Ryan could get a chance to answer her, tell her that he didn't blame her, they heard the school bell ring.  
  
"God," Marissa sighed, "This is the last place I want to be right now."  
  
"Yeah, me too." Ryan agreed. "So why don't we get out of here. Get in your car and take off somewhere."  
  
Marissa smiled. She really wanted to spend time alone with Ryan. She missed him so much. She didn't know if they could ever be a couple again, if he would ever trust her again, but she wanted to at least be his friend.  
  
"Sounds good," she told him, "Why don't we head for the beach, maybe the pier. Just as long as we stay away from the Lighthouse. My dad's been spending all his time there getting it ready."  
  
"So, what are you going to do?" Marissa asked as she pulled out of the school parking lot.  
  
Ryan just shrugged,  
  
"I don't know," he told her, "There's not much I can do. This woman will be asking us all questions and depending on everyone's answers, plus whatever else she digs up she'll decide if I stay or go."  
  
"Ryan," she said, "I promise you, I'll tell her everything was my fault. That you were only trying to protect me, but that I wouldn't listen."  
  
"Marissa," Ryan started, "It's not entirely your fault..."  
  
But she interrupted him,  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"No it's not." He told her, "We both made mistakes. I didn't have to break into the file room, and I didn't have to jump him in the student center, and at any time I could have gone to Kirsten or Sandy for help."  
  
"But if I never met Oliver, none of this would be happening." Marissa said.  
  
"Well, hell, if you look at it that way, if I never came to Newport last year, none of this would be happening. But it happened so...." Ryan didn't finish the sentence. He didn't know what else to say to her. He knew Marissa would continue to blame herself, no matter what he said.  
  
"What do you think is going to happen?" She asked him.  
  
Ryan looked out the window when he told her,  
  
"Honestly? I think I'm gone. I mean, I was warned to stay out of trouble. Over and over again I was told any trouble would result in my being sent away so..."  
  
"Look," Ryan changed the subject, "let's talk about something else, or do something else. Come on, we cut school, let's have some fun."  
  
And for the rest of the day, they did. They walked along the beach, splashed each other in the water, stopped for ice cream, and went out to lunch. They actually had a lot of fun. For a while, it was almost like the whole Oliver nightmare didn't even happen.  
  
At around 2:00 o'clock, Marissa's cell phone rang. It was Jimmy, checking to make sure Marissa was alright since Dr. Kim called to see why Marissa wasn't in school. Lucky for Marissa, Dr. Kim called Jimmy and not Julie. Jimmy was very understanding when Marissa explained to him that she was with Ryan. He knew they had a lot to discuss and work out.  
  
"Ryan," Marissa said, after she hung up with Jimmy, "If she called my dad, you know she called Sandy, too."  
  
"Yeah," Ryan agreed, "I kind of figured that, too. We better go. Somehow I doubt Sandy will be as understanding as your dad. I've already been enough trouble lately. Let's get back to school so I can meet up with Seth."  
  
When Ryan and Marissa got back to the school, they hung out in the parking lot, waiting for Seth. Ryan knew he was in for another lecture from Sandy when he got home, but he hoped Seth would help deflect some of the parenting attention he was sure to get.  
  
Seth came storming up to Ryan when he saw him sitting on Marissa's car,  
  
"Where the hell did you go?" He demanded, "I said see ya later right here in this very parking lot just this morning, and next thing I know Dr. Kim is tracking me down, asking me if I had any idea why you weren't in school."  
  
"You?" Ryan asked, "Why did she ask you, and what did you say?"  
  
"Well," Seth said, "I'm thinking she's still afraid of Mom and Dad, so she asked me. And I told her you were a little under the weather, so they let you stay home and sleep. And dude, you better start carrying your cell phone, because you pretty much gave me a heart attack. I swear if you weren't home when I got there, I was calling Dad and telling him."  
  
Ryan knew Seth was mad at him, and he felt kind of bad about that, but he was relieved that Seth came through and had his back this time.  
  
"So they don't know." Ryan said.  
  
"No, I don't think so," Seth said, "But what were you thinking?" But before Ryan could answer, Seth noticed Sandy's black BMW pull into the parking lot,  
  
"Um, never mind. Dad's here. So I'm guessing that he does know, in which case, Marissa, can you drive me home?"  
  
Crap, Ryan thought. For a minute, he actually thought he got away with something.  
  
"Hell, no." He told Seth, "You're coming with me." But when Seth just looked at him and shook his head, Ryan continued,  
  
"Come on, man, you're supposed to have my back, remember?"  
  
"Fine," Seth mumbled as he walked over to Sandy's car, and jumped into the back seat.  
  
"Um, hi. What's up?" Ryan asked as he climbed into the front seat.  
  
"Well, Dr. Colefield had an opening for this afternoon, so I changed your appointment." Sandy said, hoping Ryan wouldn't ask why.  
  
"So, how was school?" He asked, changing the subject.  
  
Since Seth knew the confines of the BMW were not the place to start a Sandy lecture, especially with Seth stuck in the back seat, he started to ramble,  
  
"School was school. You know how it is. Teachers, books, dead frogs, water polo playing jocks peeing in shoes. What can I say, nothing compares to the adventures of a private school education."  
  
Ryan didn't answer. He waited. He figured it was a set up. Sandy was waiting for Ryan to lie, say school was good, or waiting for Ryan to admit he cut so he could start the lecture. So Ryan said nothing. He and Seth just exchanged looks. For some reason, though, Sandy didn't say anything, but just headed for Dr. Colefield's office.  
  
Seth and Sandy sat in the waiting room while Ryan went in to see Dr. Colefield.  
  
Dr. Colefield smiled and pointed to Ryan's usual seat,  
  
"Hello, Ryan, how are you?" she asked.  
  
Ryan just snidely told her,  
  
"Wonderful. And you?" He was so tired of people asking him that question. He wasn't fine, and everyone knew it, so he wished they would stop asking, and leave him alone.  
  
"So, I see you're very angry." Dr. Colefield told him.  
  
"Angry?" Ryan shrugged, "Nah, not angry. Why should I be angry? I'm fine. What can I say? I blew it. I was warned not to blow it, not to get in any trouble, and I did, so that's it."  
  
Dr. Colefield asked him, "So, you're convinced that you're gone?"  
  
"Yip." Was Ryan's one word answer.  
  
"Well, why?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"You know, I don't really want to talk about this again." Ryan told her, "I spent way too much time talking to Sandy and Kirsten about all of this. I spent this afternoon talking to Marissa about it. And when this Social Worker person shows up, I'm going to have to talk about it again. So, if you don't mind, I don't want to talk about it right now."  
  
"Ok," Dr. Colefield said, "Then what about Sandy and Kirsten? How do you feel about them?"  
  
Ryan shrugged, "I don't know."  
  
"Why not?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
"Cause I don't,' Ryan snapped, "What do you want me to say?"  
  
"Are you still mad?" She asked him.  
  
"Mad, no." Ryan said, "I'm definitely not thrilled, but well, I guess they were doing what they thought was right. It just didn't work out that way. But you knew that already. The three of you had already decided what was best for me."  
  
"Yes, we did." Dr. Colefield told him, "They wanted to do what was best for you. They still want the best for you, and they will always want what's best for you. They're your parents...."  
  
"And you're rolling your eyes at me for what reason?" she asked him when she noticed the look Ryan was giving her.  
  
"If this isn't my last week in Newport, then next week is. So you can stop with the parent talks. Ok? It's not true, not now, not ever." Ryan told her.  
  
"So then why are you here today?" Dr. Colefield asked him.  
  
"Huh? Um, because." Ryan didn't know how to answer the question, because he wasn't expecting it.  
  
"Because why?" Dr. Colefield asked.  
  
Ryan thought about it for a moment before answering,  
  
"Because Sandy brought me here."  
  
"But why do what Sandy says?" Dr. Colefield asked him, "I mean, if you're leaving Newport this week or next, then why bother?"  
  
"I don't know." Ryan shrugged.  
  
"Yes, you do." Dr. Colefield told him, "You came here today because why?" She stared at him, waiting to answer. Hoping he'd answer the way she thought he would.  
  
"Christ, what?" Ryan spat, "Yeah, I came here today because Sandy wanted me to come here. Yeah, I listened to him, and yesterday, I listened to Kirsten and did what she wanted. And tomorrow if they asked me to do something, then yeah, I'll probably do it. And yeah, I know – you want to know why. Why, because, yeah, I love them, ok? And yeah, I'd like to be part of their family, have them as parents. Yeah, that's what I want. But is it going to happen – no. It's not. That woman is going to come, she's going to investigate and she's going to take me away."  
  
"Ryan," Dr. Colefield decided to stop the questions, and talk to the boy, hope he would listen, "Sandy and Kirsten love you. That's obvious to everyone. And I'm very happy to see that you feel the same way about them. When Mrs. Dawson from Child Services comes to talk, you need to tell her, everything. How you feel. About the Cohens, about your life here in Newport. You need to be honest, and open up. I know that is easier said then done, especially for you. But it's what you have to do. Mrs. Dawson is not coming to destroy your life. She's coming to make sure you have a good life, a good home, that you're safe and that you're happy. You will need to talk about what happened, and explain why it happened. And what you're doing to make sure it doesn't happen again. I believe your future here in Newport will depend on you, how much you're willing to trust yourself, Sandy and Kirsten, and even Mrs. Dawson. Do you understand?"  
  
"I guess so." Ryan said. He wasn't used to Dr. Colefield talking. She usually only asks questions, and he has to talk.  
  
"No, Ryan, listen to me," She stressed, "Do you understand?"  
  
Ryan thought about it for a while. He understood. He knew. If he wanted to stay in Newport, stay with the Cohens, be a part of their family, then he would have to make sure Mrs. Dawson knew that, too. He needed to get her to understand that his being with the Cohens was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He needed the Cohens, all of them, Sandy, Kristen and Seth more then he had ever admitted to anyone, especially himself.  
  
He walked out of Dr. Colefield's office to find not only Seth and Sandy waiting for him but Kirsten too. First Kirsten gave him a hug, then she gave him the keys to her car, and told him to head on home and work on his homework. She, Seth and Sandy would be home a little later. It was their turn to talk to Dr. Colefield. Together, she promised, they would get through this. 


	20. Oops, he did it again

Ryan woke up the next morning with everything still weighing heavy on his mind. He heard what Dr. Colefield had said the day before. It was his fault that this woman was coming from Child Services, and it was up to him to fix it. He wasn't exactly sure how, but he knew it was up to him. It wasn't Atwood luck that caused this to happen, it was him, Ryan Atwood. He had no one else to blame but himself. And if he wanted to stay in Newport, he knew that whatever questions she asked, no matter how personal or embarrassing, he would have to answer, honestly and without getting mad. Otherwise, he knew he would be gone.  
  
He knew this and he accepted it, but at the same time, he was also very confused with the way all the Cohens had acted the night before. They acted like nothing was happening. They got home about an hour after him, carrying take out Chinese and talked about everything but the investigation. Ryan had hoped to grill Seth about it after dinner, but Seth never came to the pool house. So Ryan went to bed, not knowing what they were doing or why they were doing it.  
  
It wasn't until after Sandy dropped them off at school that Ryan was finally able to talk to Seth.  
  
"Ok, man," Ryan said, "What's up?"  
  
"What's up with what?" Seth asked.  
  
"Seth, come on, what happened yesterday," Ryan leaned close to Seth and so no one would hear him whispered, "You know, Dr. Colefield."  
  
Seth tried to play it off like it was no big deal, just the way they discussed the day before after Ryan left.  
  
"Nothing happened, Ry." He said, "You know, she's a real nice lady. Seems to really like you. Gees, it seems you're even good with the, um, older ladies as well!"  
  
"SETH!" Ryan demanded. He needed to know what they talked about. It had to help.  
  
"Ok, look, I'll tell you. It really was no big deal, but Mom and Dad don't want me to discuss it with you. They said they want you to work through this without my help." Seth knew he was rambling, especially when he saw Ryan's stare. So he told him,  
  
"Look, Dr. Colefield just told us to stop dwelling on it. Go on as if nothing was wrong, and just let the investigation happen, since it's going to happen anyway. She said we couldn't continue to stress over it, because it doesn't help you, you know, get over feeling bad. So that's what we decided to do. We're all thinking about it, but we're just not going to talk about it. Oh, and I've just got to tell you, she gave Mom and Dad hell for Julie Cooper."  
  
Wow, Ryan thought, Dr. Colefield told the Cohens to not talk about something. That had to be a first for them. He knew he liked Dr. Colefield for a reason. She asked way too many damn questions, but at least she knew when he didn't want to talk about something. He couldn't figure out, though, why she would be mad about Julie Cooper. She agreed with Sandy and Kirsten not to tell him.  
  
"Why would she be mad about Julie Cooper?" he asked Seth, figuring Seth was there, so he would know.  
  
"Because Mom and Dad were supposed to tell you. She said they agreed to keep it from you until they knew more, and then apparently there was some confusion with Dad's contact at Child Services, and they thought they had more time before the letters went out, and Mom and Dad kept putting it off and then, well, Julie Cooper showed up. And now you trust Mom and Dad less, and well, you know." Seth knew he was saying more then he was supposed to, but he thought Ryan had the right to know.  
  
"It has nothing to do with not trusting them," Ryan said, "Yeah, it would have been better if it wasn't Julie Cooper getting her high off telling me, but well, I can't blame anyone else. This is all my fault. Everything that's happening is because of me."  
  
"Ryan," Seth started to say, but was unfortunately interrupted by Luke.  
  
"Hey, Cohen, Ry. How you feeling?" Luke knew Ryan was out the day before. When he had asked, Seth mumbled something about not feeling well.  
  
"Like I want to be any where else but here." Ryan told him.  
  
"So, let's jet. Go down to the dock, take my father's boat out and relax." Luke said. He figured Ryan probably needed a chance to unwind and chill. He doubted the Cohens gave him much chance to do that, and hey, any reason to blow off school was fine by Luke.  
  
"You know, sounds good. Let's go." Ryan said. Even with blowing off the day before, he had absolutely no desire to sit in school. Not today. There was too much happening to sit through his classes, pretending to listen, and pretending to care.  
  
Seth, however, didn't think it sounded good.  
  
"Ryan, man, I don't think that's such a hot idea. You really need to be here. In school."  
  
"Seth, I can't. I just can't sit there, like nothing was going on. I need to think, and not about school, either. You wanna come with us?" Ryan told him.  
  
"Nah, like I said, I don't think it's such a hot idea, but I can't stop you. I'll stay here, try to protect your cover." Seth said.  
  
"Protect my cover?" Ryan asked.  
  
Seth explained, "Yeah, you know, Dr. Kim. I'll tell her that you're still under the weather. That way, she won't call home, or Dad or Mom. You do have your cell phone on you, don't you?" Seth didn't agree with what Ryan was doing, but he knew he could at least help Ryan get away with it. Have his back, so to speak.  
  
"Yeah, thanks, man. I'll see you later. At home." Ryan waved and was off, with Luke. To hang, unwind, relax and think. But not drink. Ryan knew he didn't need the alcohol to work through his problems.  
  
Seth watched them both leave in Luke's truck. He knew Luke was trying to help, in his own twisted, water polo playing way, but he knew Ryan was asking for more trouble. If his parents found out that Ryan was skipping school, after already missing all that time due to his suspension, they would come down hard on him. Seth figured he could at least do what he could to try to help Ryan get away with it. He set off to find Dr. Kim and tell her that Ryan was still sick. That way, she wouldn't call either one of his parents.  
  
Seth found Dr. Kim in the hallway outside her office. He thought it was better that she was there, and not actually in her office. That way, he could try to make it look like he wasn't really looking for her, but just ran into her. He really wasn't all that good at lying.  
  
"Hey, Dr. Kim," he said, "Just the person I was looking for. Well, not looking for, but well, glad to see. Well, not glad to see, but um," God, he was blowing it. He knew it, especially when Dr. Kim looked at him, annoyed and told him,  
  
"Seth. What is it? What are you trying to say?" She always had such a snippy, annoyed tone to her voice.  
  
Be cool, dude, Seth thought.  
  
Seth told her, "Nothing. Just, Mom told me to tell you that Ryan was still sick, so she kept him home again today, but not to worry. He should be back by tomorrow."  
  
"Thank you, Seth. Please tell Ryan I hope he's feeling better." Dr. Kim said, still with that annoyed, uppity tone to her voice, "I'll see to it that his teachers get his work together and get it to you by the end of the day. I think you're late for class. You better be going."  
  
Seth wanted nothing more then to stick his tongue out behind Dr. Kim's back as she went back into her office, but instead he just walked off to class. One less thing for you to worry about, bro, he thought as he walked, at least this time, I got your back.  
  
Luke and Ryan got to the docks and took off in the boat, towards the bay. Luke didn't try to get Ryan to talk. He didn't want to pry or bring up what happened that night. All he knew was that there was some kind of investigation, and Ryan might have to leave Newport because of it.  
  
"Hey, man," Luke asked when they got to the bay, "You want a cold one?"  
  
"Ah, Luke, it's not even 9:00 o'clock in the morning. Don't you think it's a little early?" Ryan answered.  
  
"Ok, so why don't we just tool around. Here, I'll show you how to drive this baby, and you can go where you want." Luke told him.  
  
After a while of just driving around, Ryan finally found himself heading back to the bay to hang out. It was great just driving around in a boat. He liked it more then sailing. He could see why Seth loved being on the water. For a while, any way, he had no worries.  
  
"So, now it's almost 11. Is that late enough to ask if you want a cold one?" Luke finally said. He was going to have one, and figured Ryan would want one, too.  
  
"I don't know. It sounds good, but well, after last time..." Ryan started to say.  
  
"Hey, man, no worries. Hope you don't mind though, cause I need one." Luke told him.  
  
"Look," Luke continued, as he began to drink his beer, "I talked to Julie the other night. I told her that I knew what she was planning on doing, and that I didn't think it was such a good idea because you knew. About her and I. So, she's not. Going to do anything bad, she said."  
  
"Thanks, man." Ryan said, deciding to have a beer, just one. Because if they were going to talk about Julie Cooper, he could use a beer.  
  
"Yeah, well," Luke told him, "She's not going to do anything about you, but she's also not going to do anything with me. We're done."  
  
"Oh, um, I'm sorry." Ryan said. Even though he could never understand the warped relationship between Luke and Julie, he still felt bad. It was once again his fault.  
  
"Nah, no worries," Luke told him, "It was already weird, hot, definitely hot. But getting way too weird. So, well, I guess it's best this way."  
  
Luke thought about it for a minute before telling Ryan,  
  
"I gotta say, though. That it was definitely the hottest romance I've ever had. Nothing hotter then a divorced older woman...."  
  
"Luke," Ryan said, "I really, really don't need to know this." Just the thought of it made Ryan want to drink more.  
  
Luke only laughed. It was fine by him not to have to talk about it, either. He figured they could just hang out, relax and down some beers.  
  
Shortly after noon and two beers later, Ryan's cell phone started to ring. He figured it was Seth calling on his lunch hour. But when he looked down at the display, he swore he felt his heart stop. Instead of Seth's cell phone number, he saw Sandy's office number.  
  
"Um, hello?" Ryan said. He knew this wasn't going to be good, not good at all.  
  
"I'm leaving my office right now. I'll be home in about fifteen, twenty minutes. I strongly suggest that you be there when I get home." Sandy told him.  
  
No doubt about it, Ryan thought, he was mad, really, really mad.  
  
"Um," Ryan started again, "I'm not sure if I can be there by then."  
  
"Why, where are you?" Sandy demanded, "And so help me God, Ryan, if you say Chino..."  
  
Ryan quickly interrupted him, "No, I'm not in Chino. I'm just a little further away then fifteen minutes from home, that's all."  
  
"Where are you, Ryan?" Sandy again demanded.  
  
"I, ah, I'm out with Luke," Ryan tried to explain, "In the bay. On his dad's boat."  
  
"Drinking." Sandy said. It wasn't a question. It was a statement. One that Ryan knew was going to get him in a whole lot of trouble.  
  
"Um." Was the only thing Ryan could think to say. He didn't want to lie and say no he wasn't drinking, but he didn't want to admit to drinking either. Not on the phone.  
  
But "um" was enough of an admission for Sandy,  
  
"Yeah, ok. You better get home NOW, Ryan. You have no idea how much trouble you're in."  
  
"Sandy, I'm sorry. I just..." Ryan started to plead.  
  
But Sandy cut him off,  
  
"Home. Ryan. Now."  
  
Ryan just stared at his cell phone after Sandy hung up. He was in trouble. A lot of trouble. His thoughts were interrupted by Luke,  
  
"I guess we've got to go."  
  
Ryan nodded and said,  
  
"Yeah. How quickly can we get back?"  
  
As Luke headed the boat back towards the dock, Ryan called Seth. Unfortunately, Seth had no idea how Sandy knew Ryan cut school. He told Ryan that he had seen Dr. Kim in the morning, and told her that Ryan was still sick. Since she seemed to believe him, and Seth hadn't heard anything from her during the day, he had assumed that he had safely covered for Ryan.  
  
Ryan walked through the front door a half hour later to find Sandy waiting for him, in the kitchen. Ryan didn't even walk all the way into the kitchen before Sandy started,  
  
"Exactly what were you thinking? Huh? Why would you cut school two days in a row? Go out drinking with Luke, again. Why, Ryan?"  
  
"I don't know." Ryan said, as he sat down at the bar, on the same bar stool as the last time he was in trouble, and the time before that, and the time before that. Damn, lately it seemed like he was sitting on that bar stool a lot. When he saw the glare that he was getting from Sandy, he knew he had to try to explain,  
  
"I just couldn't sit through school. Not with everything going on. I just couldn't concentrate."  
  
"But yesterday I wasn't with Luke. Yesterday I was with Marissa." Ryan continued, hoping that Sandy would be a little less angry if he knew that he hadn't spent the past two days drinking with Luke. It didn't work.  
  
"I don't care who you were with." Sandy told him, "You weren't in school. You need to be in school. With everything that is going on, Ryan, your records do not need to reflect truancy. And drinking? I can't believe we really need to go into the drinking, AGAIN."  
  
"No, I'm sorry. I really am," Ryan said, "I just had so much on my mind lately that I just couldn't sit in school. Yesterday, Marissa and I went to talk, then having to talk to Dr. Colefield, after school, um, yesterday afternoon. I just didn't feel like talking or thinking or anything today so when I ran into Luke, we figured on just hanging out. Luke said no worries. Honestly, though, Sandy, I only had two beers. That's it. I'm not drunk."  
  
"I don't care if you had two or ten or ½ a sip, you were still drinking." Sandy shouted, "So save it as an excuse, it's not going to fly with me. I told you before, that you are not old enough to drink, and I will not tolerate it under any circumstances. If you can't go out with Luke without drinking, then you can't go out with Luke at all."  
  
"Look," Sandy continued, no longer shouting, but still very mad, "I agree that you are under a great deal of stress, but there is nothing I can do to change that. I wish there were. But that is not an excuse to skip school. You will be back in school tomorrow. If I have to walk you to each and every one of your classes, you will be there. Tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, and every day until graduation. Is that understood?"  
  
Ryan nodded. He almost said "if I'm still here at graduation", but the look on Sandy's face told him it wouldn't be a good idea, so he just said,  
  
"Yes. But what about Dr. Kim? Do I have detention again?"  
  
"No," Sandy told him, "I told Dr. Kim that we've kept you home the past two days because of a stomach bug so there will be no repercussions at school."  
  
Ryan was shocked. Given how mad Sandy was, he figured Sandy would have told Dr. Kim the truth.  
  
"You covered for me?" Ryan asked. "Um, thanks. Thanks a lot."  
  
"Oh, no, don't thank me." Sandy told him, "Believe me, you don't want to thank me. I didn't want your school records to reflect this total act of stupidity on your part. I said there would be no repercussions at school. I didn't say anything about here at home. You're grounded, my friend. You aren't to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone for the next two weeks. You will go to school and then come straight home. Is that understood?"  
  
"Two weeks, but I...." Ryan started to say.  
  
Sandy wasn't going to hear it.  
  
"Do you want to make it three?" Sandy asked.  
  
Ryan only said, "No."  
  
He knew if he said another word, Sandy would make it three weeks. It didn't seem very fair. Ryan was afraid that he'd spend what little time he had left in Newport staring at the three windowed walls of the pool house.  
  
"Fine," Sandy said, "The school is sending your work home with Seth. He'll bring it out to you when he gets home. Oh, and Ryan, you're telling Kirsten all about this when she gets home."  
  
With that, Sandy walked out of the kitchen and headed for the bedroom to change his clothes. He was still really mad at Ryan, and needed to cool down because he knew as soon as Kirsten found out, it would be her turn to be mad. Really mad.  
  
When Seth got home from school, he was relieved that whatever trouble Ryan was in was apparently over. He found Sandy in the kitchen, but no sign of Ryan. Seth figured Ryan was in the pool house, and hoped to make a quick exit out to see him.  
  
"If you knew Ryan wasn't in school the past two days, why didn't you say anything to us?" Sandy asked Seth as Seth attempted to head straight for the back door.  
  
"Well, ya see, Dad," Seth tried to joke, "I'm not my brother's keeper, as the old adage goes."  
  
When Sandy didn't answer and only stared at Seth, Seth decided to try to explain how he thought Ryan was feeling,  
  
"Look, Dad. Ryan has a lot on his mind. Maybe we can all pretend like nothing's going on, but Ryan can't. He's having a real hard time with this. I mean, didn't you think it was kind of strange that he doesn't seem remotely mad at you or Mom any more about hiding the investigation from him?"  
  
Sandy thought about it for a minute before answering Seth,  
  
"Well, since we only did it to protect Ryan and we explained that to Ryan, we assumed that he believed us and accepted that as the truth. What did he say to you about it?"  
  
"Given that this is Ryan here we're talking about," Seth explained, "he naturally blames himself for everything. Everything that has happened or is going to happen is his fault. So I can understand why sitting in school is the last place he'd want to be."  
  
Sandy sighed. He knew Ryan was blaming himself. Again. Like always.  
  
"I know it seems harsh, but Ryan has to be in school. If Mrs. Dawson finds out that Ryan is skipping school in addition to everything else she's looking into, it definitely wouldn't work in our favor. Your Mom and I were already guessing that Ryan was blaming himself, but we can't excuse his behavior. We're still the parents here, and we're still trying to do what's best, whether you guys believe it or not."  
  
"What's best...oh, the standard line." Seth smirked, "Yeah, let me guess. It was the standard yelling, lecturing and then the proverbial grounding. Does that sum up Ryan's afternoon?"  
  
"Would you like it to sum up yours, too?" Sandy asked him.  
  
"Look," Sandy continued, "Please just bring Ryan out his homework, but don't stay too long. Ryan is still grounded, whether either one of you like or not. We can't have him skipping school for any reason, and I will not tolerate his drinking no matter what."  
  
"Oh, ah, ok." Seth stammered. He didn't realize Ryan was also caught drinking, again. Not good, bro, he thought.  
  
"By the way, Dad," Seth asked as he walked out the door, "How did you find out Ryan wasn't in school?" It had been bugging Seth all afternoon.  
  
"Dr. Kim called my office." Sandy told him, "You really are a lousy liar, Seth."  
  
Seth just shook his head and walked out towards the pool house. Again he felt like he failed Ryan. For once, he wished he could say or do something right for him.  
  
Ryan was lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling again when Seth came in.  
  
"Hey, man." Seth said, "Here's your homework. I'm guessing you have more then enough time on your hands to get it all done."  
  
"Yeah, thanks." Ryan said, sitting up to look through everything Seth brought him.  
  
"So?" Seth hedged, trying to get from Ryan how long he was busted for.  
  
"Two weeks." Ryan responded, knowing what Seth was wondering about.  
  
"Two weeks? That's it? I would have guessed the drinking alone would have gotten you a month, not counting cutting school. Man, you got off easy!" Seth stopped short of telling Ryan that he actually thought his dad was right. Ryan was acting stupid. It wasn't going to help anyone, especially Ryan for him to continue to get in trouble. But Ryan stopped him before he could continue,  
  
"Seth, not you, too. I know. I shouldn't be drinking. I shouldn't be cutting school. I got it already. From Sandy, and in a little bit, I'll be getting it again from Kirsten. So please, just save it."  
  
"Look," Seth said, "I'm just saying what you're going though sucks, but you're really not handling it in the best way possible. I mean, drinking with Luke, lying about going to school....."  
  
"I didn't lie about going to school," Ryan interrupted, "I just didn't tell them about not going. Obviously in this house, not telling is not the same as lying."  
  
"Yeah, Ryan," Seth said, "A word of advise. I wouldn't compare Mom and Dad not telling you about Mrs. Dawson with you cutting class to hang out with Luke. It wouldn't go over real big, and those two weeks will quickly turn into a month, maybe even two. Maybe even a year!"  
  
Ryan just rolled his eyes. He was smart enough to know not to compare the two. Not out loud, anyway. Well, at least not out loud to Sandy and Kirsten.  
  
"Well, look, Dad said I couldn't stay too long." Seth told him, "So, I'm off to do my homework, maybe call Summer. I'll see you at dinner."  
  
Ryan chose not to answer, but instead turned to the homework sitting on his bed. He knew he had a couple of hours before Kirsten got home, and Sandy would make him go over everything all over again. He wondered how and when he could become so attached to a family that liked to do a whole lot of talking.  
  
Ryan quickly lost track of time, and was able to get through a great deal of his work before he heard Sandy calling his name. He looked over at his clock and realized that it was 6. Kirsten was probably home.  
  
"Hey." Was all he said when he walked into the kitchen and saw Kirsten going through the take out, and putting everything into bowls.  
  
"Hey. Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you get Seth." Kirsten said.  
  
She didn't seem mad, so Ryan was guessing Sandy hadn't told her anything at all, and was really expecting Ryan to confess on his own. When Ryan looked over at Sandy, Sandy only nodded his head, confirming that this was in deed the case.  
  
"Um, yeah, in a minute." Ryan said, "First, there's something I gotta tell you."  
  
As Ryan sat down at that same familiar bar stool, he noticed that Kirsten stopped dishing out the food, and she was now staring at him. Ryan quickly looked down at his hands, and not at her when he told her,  
  
"Yeah, um, look, I cut school."  
  
"Excuse me, you did what?" Kirsten asked. She was pretty sure she heard what he said, she just couldn't believe it.  
  
"I cut school." Ryan said, louder this time, "Yesterday and today. I didn't feel like going so I cut."  
  
"You didn't feel like going?" Kirsten repeated, "What kind of excuse is that? What did you feel like doing then?"  
  
Man, Ryan thought, I really can't believe I have to go into this again. He started to repeat what he had already gone through with Sandy that afternoon,  
  
"Well, yesterday Marissa and I went to the beach and the pier, and today I went out with Luke. We hung out, um, on his father's boat, in the bay...."  
  
"And drank." Kirsten said. Again, the statement that promised him nothing but trouble.  
  
"But only two beers." Ryan quickly countered.  
  
"Oh, only two beers." Kirsten said snidely, "and that's supposed to make me feel better."  
  
She stared at Ryan for a moment before turning to Sandy, since she wasn't even sure what to say to Ryan next.  
  
"What did you say about all of this?" she asked Sandy.  
  
Sandy looked at Kirsten first and then at Ryan when he said,  
  
"I told him he was grounded for the next two weeks, and I promised that I would personally walk him to each and every one of his classes if he attempts to cut again."  
  
Kirsten then looked at Ryan and asked,  
  
"Why, Ryan?" The same question Sandy already asked, this afternoon. Ryan found it a little annoying to have to sit through all of this again.  
  
"Look," he told her, "I've already gone over this with Sandy. Earlier."  
  
"Welcome to a two parent household, Ryan. Now go over it again." Sandy told him, in that sharp tone that Ryan was becoming a little to used to.  
  
Ryan sighed,  
  
"I just couldn't sit in school, and pretend nothing was going on."  
  
"But that's exactly what you have to do." She told him. "I know it's not easy, and I'm sorry about that. But you have to go to school, maintain your grade point average and go on as normal as possible. Is that understood?"  
  
Ryan only nodded. Yeah, he understood. Act normal. What the hell was normal?  
  
Kirsten interrupted his thoughts when she told him,  
  
"Since I'm sure you and Sandy have already covered the specifics of your punishment, why don't we just eat dinner. Go get Seth. Unless, of course, there's more I need to know. Please tell me that there isn't anything else."  
  
Ryan just shock his head no as he got off the bar stool, and found Seth, eavesdropping at the top of the stairs.  
  
Dinner was really quiet. Not even Seth had much to say. Sandy and Kirsten kept looking at each other, and then at Ryan, who stared mostly at his plate, pushing his food around and only eating when he noticed Kirsten looking at him. Kirsten silently prayed that they would all be able to get through the rest of the week and the investigation and not lose Ryan. Even if they didn't physically lose him, she was worried about emotionally. This was all taking it's toll on her entire family, and she just wanted it over with so everything could go back to the way it was. No, she thought, it would be better then it was before. At least that's what she hoped and silently prayed for. 


	21. The beginning of the end

Ryan was sure of only two things Wednesday morning. One was he knew he couldn't sit through a day of school, not with the Child Services lady coming to talk to the Coopers, but the other was that there was very little chance that Sandy would let him skip another day. He was going to at least try, though.  
  
"Look, Sandy, about school," he started to explain when Sandy walked into the kitchen.  
  
Unfortunately the look in Sandy's eyes and the tone of his voice when he said,  
  
"What about it?" already told Ryan what he didn't want to hear.  
  
"I just can't." Ryan tried to explain, again, "I can't just sit there knowing that this Mrs. Dawson lady is talking to people, to Julie Cooper, about me. Trying to decide if I can stay here or if I need to go. To some group home. I just. Look, if Dr. Kim already thinks I have some flu, than what would another day be? I just need to think, and not about school. I just can't."  
  
"Ryan," Sandy said, trying to be gentle and yet firm at the same time, "I know this is hard for you. Really hard. Believe me, I understand, but you have to go to school. We need to continue our lives as normal as possible, and that means you and Seth at school and Kirsten and I at work. This Mrs. Dawson has to see that we are a normal family, carrying on with our normal day to day routine. I'm sorry, but the answer is no, you can't skip school."  
  
"Sandy..." Ryan started to plead.  
  
But he was cut off by a more stern Sandy who said,  
  
"No, Ryan." And that was the end of the discussion.  
  
So Ryan went to school. He didn't like it, but he did it. Sandy left him no choice. He turned in his work from the previous two days, and grunted that he felt better to anyone who asked. But besides that, he had nothing to say. To anyone. Not Seth or Marissa or Luke. No one. He spent his lunch hour in the library since he wasn't hungry anyway, and headed for the school parking lot the second the school bell rang. Unfortunately, it was in the school parking lot that he saw Marissa leaving with her dad, and Ryan knew they were heading to where ever their meeting with Mrs. Dawson was. Ryan couldn't help but notice how sad Marissa looked as they drove away.  
  
As Ryan watched Mr. Cooper's car drive out of sight, all he could think about doing was running. Away. Any where. But he didn't. He headed for home, just like he was told to do by Sandy. He couldn't do anything about Mrs. Dawson or her meeting with the Coopers so he decided for once he would do as he was told, for once he would try to be a good son, and he went home.  
  
It was around 5:00 o'clock when Ryan left the pool house, and headed for the kitchen. His homework was finished, and since he wasn't allowed to watch TV or play video games, he figured he'd make dinner. Seth was still at Summer's and Kirsten and Sandy were still at work, so Ryan quietly started dinner. He figured it was the least he could do.  
  
"Hey," Seth said as he walked into the kitchen, "Sucking up to the folks just a little bit, are we?"  
  
"What?" Ryan asked, not looking up from making the salad. He wasn't exactly sure what Seth was talking about, but that wasn't anything new.  
  
Seth just laughed,  
  
"Come on, man. What, do you thinking cooking dinner will win you some time off for good behavior or something?"  
  
Before Ryan could answer and tell Seth what to do with his good behavior, the doorbell rang, so instead Ryan told him,  
  
"You wanna get that? I'm a little busy here."  
  
"Yeah, busy sucking up." Seth answered as he walked out of the kitchen to answer the door.  
  
Ryan continued working on dinner, not really paying attention to whomever was at the door. It was probably just Summer again, he thought. He was shocked when he turned around and saw Marissa coming into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing here?" He didn't know why he asked. He knew she was there to tell him what happened with Child Services.  
  
"I thought you'd want to know about today, and Mrs. Dawson. Is it ok? That I'm here?" Marissa asked.  
  
Seth jumped in to answer before Ryan could,  
  
"I'd say it was better then ok. We all want to know."  
  
Ryan wasn't exactly sure why, but he really didn't want to know about Mrs. Dawson. It would make it all too real.  
  
"Well, technically, I am, um, grounded." Ryan told her, "See, I told you Sandy wouldn't be as understanding about cutting school."  
  
Marissa smiled, a little, and told Ryan,  
  
"Yeah, but I only cut the one day. You cut two."  
  
When Ryan didn't answer, or smile, or even acknowledge her in anyway, she continued,  
  
"If you want, I'll go, but...."  
  
Seth quickly blocked the exit of the kitchen and put his hands up to stop Marissa,  
  
"No, don't." he said, "Tell us what happened. Dad will understand that that's what you're here for. He's going to want to know, too."  
  
Before the conversation could continue, Ryan saw Sandy walk into the kitchen, and knowing that Marissa wasn't supposed to be there, he quickly told Sandy,  
  
"She just wanted to tell us about Mrs. Dawson. She hasn't been here that long."  
  
Sandy told Ryan, "Yeah, that's fine."  
  
And then turned to Marissa and said, "So, how did it go?"  
  
"I think it went really well," Marissa explained, "She was nice. Mostly she asked about what happened with Oliver, how we got mixed up with him, and stuff like that. I told her, Ryan, that it was my fault. I told her everything that happened and how all of it was all my fault."  
  
"Marissa..." Ryan started, but was interrupted by Marissa,  
  
"No, Ryan. It was my fault. You can say no it wasn't all you want, but it was. She also asked about our relationship. The one we had, and what it was like now, after everything with Oliver."  
  
Seth really didn't want to listen to whose fault everything was all over again, so he quickly asked,  
  
"But what did your parents say?" Everyone had to be concerned about what Julie Cooper had said or did. She hated Ryan. That was no secret, and even though his parents kept saying not to worry about her, well, she was Julie Cooper. How could he not be worried?  
  
"My dad told her what a great guy he thought Ryan was, how much he really liked Ryan, how much he liked us together, as a couple, and how he hoped everything would work out." Marissa said.  
  
"And my mom," she continued, "well, she really didn't say anything, which surprised me. My dad and I were waiting for her, well you know, to say or do something, but she just sat there, smiling and nodding her head while my dad talked. It was strange. Especially when Mrs. Dawson asked if they were ever worried about Ryan being violent and hurting me."  
  
"What did you say?" Ryan asked. He remembered the look in Marissa's eyes after he attacked Oliver in the student center. He remembered, she was afraid of him.  
  
Marissa just looked at him. She was surprised that he would even ask, so she told him,  
  
"We all said No, even my mom. We told her that we knew that you'd been in fights before, but that you were a really nice guy, who cared a lot about your family and friends, and you would do anything you could to protect them."  
  
"What else did she want to know about me? Besides my being violent, I mean." Ryan asked.  
  
Marissa shrugged her shoulders at that point, and told him,  
  
"Not much. I was actually kind of surprised. I didn't know what to expect, but it was better then I thought it would be."  
  
"Yeah?" Ryan asked, "Look, again, I'm really sorry about all of this."  
  
Marissa still didn't understand why Ryan kept apologizing to her. It was her fault, and she told him,  
  
"No, Ryan. I'm sorry. If it wasn't for me getting us all mixed up with Oliver...."  
  
Sandy had originally thought he would remain quiet and let Ryan and Marissa talk, some how make each other feel better, but he could see that wasn't happening. Once again, neither one was listening to the other.  
  
"Ok," he told them, "We don't need to go into all of this again. Let's stop playing the blame game. We all made mistakes, and now let's all deal with them. Is there anything else?"  
  
Marissa looked at Sandy and told him,  
  
"No, not really. That was about it." But then she looked at Ryan and said,  
  
"She did ask if I thought we could work out our problems, and get back together again."  
  
Ryan didn't answer her, though. He didn't know what to say, so he turned around and began to work on dinner again. He could hear the hurt in her voice when she said,  
  
"Yeah. That's what I thought. Look, just so you know. I told her that was what I wanted, but that you didn't. That I love you, and that I probably always will."  
  
When Ryan still didn't turn around or answer her, she told him,  
  
"Alright. I'm gonna go now. I'll see you in school tomorrow. Bye. Bye Sandy, Seth."  
  
Sandy waited until Marissa left. He knew he should probably say something to Ryan about being so rude to her, but he figured this wasn't the best time to bring it up. It was obvious that Ryan was upset, even though it sounded like the Coopers meeting with Mrs. Dawson went well.  
  
"Well, that sounds like it went well." Sandy said to both boys, "See, things aren't as bad as they seemed." He then figured it might be better to change the subject for the time being and asked,  
  
"So how was school?" He directed the question at Ryan, who told him,  
  
"It went. I stayed the whole day, and then I came right home. Like you said."  
  
Ryan still wouldn't look up from working on dinner. Sandy could tell, it was his distraction, his way to keep from getting really upset, overwhelmed.  
  
"Smart boy." Sandy told him, "And I know you're going to do the same thing tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that, right?"  
  
"Well, technically, Dad," Seth answered for Ryan, "The day after the day after tomorrow is Saturday, and even at Harbor, there is no school on Saturday."  
  
Sandy looked at Seth. He could tell Seth was also trying hard to change the subject, move onto more normal stuff. Seth wanted to steer the conversation away from Mrs. Dawson and the investigation, and so he resorted to what Seth did best- sarcasm.  
  
"Ryan knows what I mean. No one needs your help Seth." Sandy told him, and then turned back to Ryan and told him,  
  
"On Saturday, you can come down to the Lighthouse and work with me."  
  
"But what about Mrs. Dawson?" Ryan asked, still looking down at the salad he was working on. "Isn't she coming some time this week?"  
  
"No, it doesn't sound like it." Sandy explained, "I talked to my contact at Child Services this afternoon. She just got back to work today and talked to Mrs. Dawson this morning. Apparently, Mrs. Dawson has some reports that she wants to review, from Dr. Colefield and the school, plus review what ever information she received from the Coopers this afternoon, and then she'll be here sometime the beginning of next week."  
  
It was killing Sandy to see what this was doing to Ryan. Ryan wouldn't look up, wouldn't meet his gaze. He wouldn't even look at Seth, who decided the best thing he could do was quietly set the table, and let Ryan keep to himself.  
  
"It's going to be ok, Ryan." Sandy told him, "You'll see."  
  
But Ryan didn't answer. He didn't want to believe it. Believing it would just get his hopes up, and then he'd just get himself hurt, again. He quietly finished making dinner, and when Kirsten got home, he quietly ate dinner. He let Seth and Sandy tell her the so-called great news about the Coopers and Mrs. Dawson, and then he quietly went to bed.  
  
The routine was the same on Thursday, too. He went to school, came straight home, did his homework, made dinner, ate dinner and went to bed. He figured Friday would pretty much be the same thing. He was, however, wrong. Very wrong. Friday started out to be the same, but it wouldn't end that way. 


	22. Sandy's inquisition

Well maybe this week won't be so bad after all, Sandy thought after Rachel left his office. She had come in to tell him that they were finally able to locate Dawn Atwood. For some unknown reason, she was now living in Austin, Texas. It bothered Sandy to know that Dawn would just take off like that without so much as a word to Ryan or to anyone. It's not like she hadn't already abandoned him, twice, but to move that far away without so much as a note, Sandy just couldn't figure out how a mother would do that to a child. Rachel reminded him, however, that she really wasn't much of a mother to begin with. Dawn was right when she told Kirsten that she wasn't "wired" to be anyone's mother. At least, Sandy figured, the courts would not look upon her leaving the state too nicely if Dawn tried to stop the adoption.  
  
He told Rachel that he would be the one to draft the letter to Dawn advising her what they wanted to do, and explaining the documents she needed to sign. Sandy also knew he had to be the one who sat down with Ryan, and explained to the boy that Dawn had once again left him. That talk he figured could wait until after Mrs. Dawson finished her investigation the following week. Ryan had enough on his mind, and Sandy was worried about how much more Ryan could take.  
  
Sandy was also finally able to get in touch with his mother in New York. Occasionally, it did help to have a mother who had been a social worker for forty years. Sophie Cohen was able to tell Sandy what she felt the social worker would be looking for, what she wanted to hear, and what her decision would be based on. Sophie also told him that no one ever wanted to remove a child from a home, unless it was a truly unhappy, unhealthy environment, and that was very obviously not the case in their home. It also helped that no one pressed any criminal charges against Ryan, Sophie told him. Ryan was still a good kid, who had some problems, and as long as Sandy and Kirsten recognized those problems and were getting Ryan some help, then they should be ok. She also agreed that adopting Ryan was the smartest move they could make. Not only would it make Ryan a permanent member of their family, but it would help prove to Ryan that he had a real family, one who would never give up on him, never abandon him.  
  
Sandy was almost looking forward to meeting with Mrs. Dawson the following week. It was about time to put this all behind them and move on. Sandy had just hung up the phone with Kirsten after telling her everything he had learned from both his mother and Rachel when his secretary buzzed him to tell him that there was a Mrs. Dawson waiting for him on the other line.  
  
"Hello, Sandy Cohen," he said when he answered the phone. He figured she was calling to set up the day and time to meet with them.  
  
"Mr. Cohen, this is Heidi Dawson, from Child Services." He heard her say. "I'm in the area this afternoon, and would like to stop by your office to discuss your case. I could be there within the next half hour. Is that acceptable to you?"  
  
Sandy was surprised. Madeline said that Mrs. Dawson would not be coming until the following week. Obviously, Madeline was wrong, again. Sandy told Mrs. Dawson that it would be fine for her to come by his office, and after verifying that she knew where he was located, hung up the phone and called Kirsten again.  
  
Now he was no longer looking forward to meeting with Mrs. Dawson. Not now that she was actually coming. He found this surprise visit to be very unsettling. He promised Kirsten that he would call her as soon as he could. He then had his secretary clear his schedule for the rest of the afternoon, and informed Rachel about the upcoming meeting. He debated calling the boys over at school, but decided against it. For one, they were both in class, and he knew the teachers wouldn't appreciate cell phones ringing, and second, he was worried that if Ryan knew, he might do something stupid, like run. After that, all he could do was wait.  
  
It was shortly after 2 o'clock when his secretary again buzzed Sandy's office. This time to tell him that Mrs. Dawson was there. Sandy realized his palms were sweating when his secretary showed Mrs. Dawson into his office, and he had to wipe them off on his pants before extending his hand to Mrs. Dawson.  
  
"It's very nice to finally meet you," Mrs. Dawson said, with a smile.  
  
"Yes. It's nice to meet you, too." Sandy lied. He nervously pointed to one of the chairs in front of his desk for Mrs. Dawson to sit in before sitting back down in his chair. He sifted around in his chair for a few minutes, trying to find a comfortable position to start the inquisition.  
  
"I can see you're surprised by my visit." Mrs. Dawson said, again with a smile, "You don't have a problem with my stopping by, I hope. You see, my afternoon opened up, and I was in the area so I decided to work on your case again. Is that ok?"  
  
Sandy tried to return Mrs. Dawson's smile. Somehow he knew she was lying. This was the surprise visit he always heard about. She was trying to catch them off guard, to see what they were really like.  
  
"No, of course I don't have a problem with your visit, Mrs. Dawson. It's so nice that you can fit us into your schedule. My wife and I were just talking about how anxious we were to meet with you and put this whole matter behind us." Sandy said. Lawyers usually made very good liars, and Sandy was no exception.  
  
"Well, then why don't we get started." Mrs. Dawson said, as she took out a pad and a pen from her briefcase. She looked around the office. Her eyes quickly settled on a number of photos on the desk.  
  
"Nice pictures." She commented.  
  
"Thank you." Sandy said as he picked up the first photo. "This one was our holiday picture, for our holiday cards. It came out so nice that Kirsten made copies. One for my office, one for hers and one for home."  
  
"These two," he continued, "are the boys' school photos. In case you didn't know, this one is Seth and this one is Ryan."  
  
"This other one was taken at one of Ryan's soccer games. Again, since it was such a good picture, Kirsten had copies made." Sandy finished explaining. He thought it a little odd that Mrs. Dawson would start by making small talk about the photos on his desk. He also couldn't figure out why he felt the need to ramble on about them.  
  
"So, Ryan played soccer?" Mrs. Dawson asked, noting that there were no sports photos of Seth on the desk. "Was he any good?"  
  
"Yes. He was very good." Sandy said, proudly. "It was a really great to watch him play. We're hoping he'll try out for the baseball team in a few weeks as well."  
  
"So, you went to his games?" Mrs. Dawson asked. When Sandy just nodded, Mrs. Dawson continued,  
  
"All of them, some of them, how many would you say you went to, and when did you start going to them? From the beginning of the season, or when?"  
  
Sandy smiled. He actually knew what Mrs. Dawson was trying to get to. She would have in her file from Harbor that Ryan was suspended for the first two games by the coach for illegally hitting Luke during one of the practices in the very beginning of the season.  
  
"Well," he explained to Mrs. Dawson, "we went to all of the home games, including the two that Ryan was benched for, as well as many of his away games. Like I said, we enjoyed watching him play, be a part of the team."  
  
"So, what happened that Ryan was benched? What did he do, and what did you do?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"As your file would indicate," Sandy said, "Ryan's coach felt Ryan was a little too aggressive towards one of his team mates during practice, and benched Ryan for the first two games. As for what I did, when his coach called and told me what happened, I talked to Ryan. Well, I lectured Ryan. He apologized to the boy, and that was the end of the matter. He and the boy, Luke, are now good friends."  
  
Mrs. Dawson made some notes in her pad, and then continued,  
  
"Does that happen often? Does Ryan get aggressive a lot?"  
  
"No, not a lot." Sandy explained, "On occasion, he does have a temper, and he has been known to act a little impulsively sometimes, but on the whole, no, Ryan is not often aggressive."  
  
"Well, how often did he and this boy, Luke fight?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Sandy was very carefully trying to pick all the right words, so it took him a minute before he answered,  
  
"Like I said, now they're friends. Good friends. By in the beginning, Luke and Ryan were both attracted to the same girl, so they argued. Luke was usually the aggressor, however. Not Ryan. The only time that I know of where Ryan started anything first was when Luke and some of his friends were beating up on Seth. Then Ryan jumped in, to protect Seth."  
  
"Then and when he attacked Luke on the soccer field." Mrs. Dawson corrected.  
  
"But what about this other kid, Oliver?" she continued, "It's my understanding that Oliver didn't start the fight with Ryan. Actually, I understand that Oliver didn't fight back at all. That Ryan attacked him. What do you know about that?"  
  
"I know what the school told me, and I know what Ryan told me." Sandy told her. "Yes, the school said that Ryan attacked Oliver and that it took a couple of people to separate them, and it appeared to them to be unprovoked. But I also know what Ryan said. He knew that Oliver was troubled, and looking at the outcome of the whole situation, I'd say Ryan was correct. Ryan was wrong in trying to handle it all by himself, which I believe is what led to his attack on Oliver. He was frustrated by the whole situation, and when Oliver approached Ryan in the student center, it was to egg Ryan on, to instigate more trouble between the two of them. I'm sure you've also looked into this kid Oliver. You know about his past, his previous mental breakdowns, his obsessive-compulsive behavior. I'm sure you know, he was not the perfect kid."  
  
Mrs. Dawson nodded, but told Sandy,  
  
"But I'm not here to investigate Oliver. I'm here because of Ryan. I need to know what happened with Ryan, and if you and your wife are capable of handling a teenager with such obvious problems."  
  
"Now," she continued, "prior to this attack, Ryan was caught breaking into the file room at the school. How did you and your wife handle that?"  
  
Sandy let out a sigh. This was not easy, reliving this over and over for this woman to pick apart.  
  
"When we got the call from Dr. Kim the day after the break in, Ryan had already left for school. He was in Dr. Kim's office when we got there. We met with her, and we all talked to Ryan. At the time, it seemed like his jealousy was getting the best of him, which is what led him into making a very unwise choice. Dr. Kim gave Ryan detention until the disciplinary committee met. And we talked to Ryan again that night, and we also grounded him."  
  
"You talked to him? Is that it?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"Well, it was more like we yelled and lectured him and then we grounded him." Sandy said.  
  
"But that's it? No one hit him, did they?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"No, of course not. I would never hit either one of my boys." Sandy told her, appalled that she would even ask such a question.  
  
"Your boys? Is that how you usually refer to them?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"Yes." Sandy responded, unsure of where she was going with this, "Either the boys, the kids or my sons, why?"  
  
"What I mean is do you usually refer to them together? Or do you distinguish the difference?" Mrs. Dawson explained.  
  
"Difference? What difference?" Sandy asked.  
  
"The difference between the two. Seth is your son...." Mrs. Dawson started to say.  
  
"And so is Ryan." Sandy interrupted.  
  
"Ryan is your foster son. You and Mrs. Cohen are his legal guardians." Mrs. Dawson went on to say. Sandy wasn't sure where she was going with this, but he knew he didn't like it.  
  
"Technically, that may be true. On paper. But we stopped thinking of ourselves as Ryan's legal guardians months ago. He's as much a part of my family as any of us. And prior to your visit, my associate and I were working on the paperwork for Kirsten and I to adopt Ryan." Sandy said, reaching for Ryan's file to show her.  
  
Sandy pulled out all of the paperwork and handed it to Mrs. Dawson as he explained,  
  
"As you can see, Mr. Atwood has already signed away his parental rights to Ryan, and we were finally able to locate Mrs. Atwood. She is apparently now living in Austin, Texas. She took off without so much as a word to Ryan. So, Ryan has no one but us. We're his family."  
  
Mrs. Dawson didn't immediately respond to this new bit of information that Sandy handed her. She was too busy making notes in her notepad. After she was done, she handed the papers back to Sandy and said,  
  
"Adoption? Mr. Cohen, I find that to be a little presumptuous on your part. You're starting adoption proceedings before even knowing if you will be allowed continued custody of Ryan. May I ask why the sudden rush to adopt Ryan?"  
  
Sandy was surprised to find Mrs. Dawson annoyed at the idea that they would want to adopt Ryan. Usually, social workers liked the idea of permanent placements and adoptions. It was their job to find good homes for kids like Ryan. She should, therefore, be happy, Sandy thought.  
  
"Mrs. Dawson," he started, "I wouldn't exactly call it a sudden rush. Ryan needs a stable home, a loving home. We're able to provide that for him. We want to provide that for him. I know everything that happened with Oliver looks bad. But they were extraordinary circumstances. And we dealt with them. It wasn't easy, and we made mistakes. We all made mistakes, but we all learned from them. That's one reason we're all seeing Dr. Colefield. As you know from her report, Ryan usually goes one day and then Kirsten and I go the next day. I have a copy of her report right here, in case you need to see it."  
  
Sandy reached into the file to find Dr. Colefield's report. He had already read it, so he knew Dr. Colefield agreed that Ryan was were he should be, where she felt he would get the most help. He, therefore, couldn't help but remind Mrs. Dawson of that fact.  
  
"No, Mr. Cohen, I don't need to see a copy." Mrs. Dawson said, "I've read her report, and I know what her opinion is. I've also spoken to her on the telephone. I'm not questioning that. But it's my job to investigate what happened, and to see to it that nothing like it ever happens again. And to insure nothing like this happens again, I need to decide if Ryan is better off with you or in another foster home or maybe even a group home. What assurances can you give me that Ryan will not get into any more trouble if he is allowed to stay with you?"  
  
Again, Sandy found himself carefully choosing his words.  
  
"Well," he finally said, "I think now that Ryan knows he doesn't have to take on the whole world by himself, that he has a family to depend on, I believe he now knows that he can turn to us when he needs help. He is turning to us when he needs help. We also plan on continuing to see Dr. Colefield, for as long as we need in order to help Ryan over come some of the problems he's faced in his life. Given what Ryan has gone through so far in only sixteen years, I'm not surprised we've had some problems. You're asking Ryan to commit to a whole new life style. One that is definitely better for him, but still a whole new way of life. You can't expect him to suddenly be perfect. We can't suddenly expect him to be perfect, and we don't. We know Ryan has had some trouble adjusting to this all, and we're here to help him."  
  
Mrs. Dawson nodded and made notes in her pad during Sandy's speech and then asked him,  
  
"So, if you say you know he's not perfect, do you anticipate him getting into any more trouble?"  
  
"Do I think he'll do anything illegal? No." Sandy told her, "but do I think he'll try to skip school, break his curfew, disobey us on occasion? Then, yes, I do. Not because he's a bad kid, but because he's a sixteen year old kid. Again, Mrs. Dawson, I don't expect him to be perfect, in much the same way I don't expect Seth to be perfect. Because they're teenage boys, and I would be lying if I said I didn't expect them to act like teenage boys. Hell, for once in Ryan's life, I'm hoping he's able to be just that – a normal sixteen year old kid."  
  
"And how do you punish a normal sixteen year old kid, one who's disobeyed you as you said?" Mrs. Dawson asked him.  
  
"Well, that depends on what he did. It doesn't matter if it's Seth or Ryan. Depending on what he did would depend on the punishment." Sandy said.  
  
"Give me an example." Mrs. Dawson said, "Not counting the problems relevant to the Oliver matter."  
  
"An example?" Sandy asked. He didn't really want to go into it with her, but felt he really didn't have much of a choice.  
  
"Well, right now," he continued, "Ryan is grounded for the next two weeks. After finding out about your investigation, he got upset, and decided he didn't want to go to school, so he cut with some friends."  
  
"And..." Mrs. Dawson said. She wanted to hear more.  
  
"And," Sandy went on, "the school called me at my office, and I called Ryan home where I yelled at him and lectured him and I grounded him."  
  
"And you still feel you have control over him, over his behavior?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"Yes, I do. We do, Kirsten and I both." Sandy snapped. He didn't mean to snap at her, but he was beginning to find her line of questioning insulting. He quickly calmed himself down, telling himself that it wouldn't help Ryan for him to lose his temper.  
  
"Mrs. Dawson," Sandy calmly began, "Trying to skip school is normal. As is getting caught. I don't approve of Ryan cutting school, which is why he's grounded, but I understand why he did it. Remember, the last time Child Services came into his life, he ran away. This time, he skipped school. Big difference in his reactions, wouldn't you say? This time, he came home, he was punished, and that's the end of it. Do I think he'll try to cut school again? He may. Will he be punished for it if he's caught? Yes. If that means we don't have control over him, then we don't have control over Seth, either. No parent ever has complete control over his child, especially a teenager. It's not possible."  
  
Mrs. Dawson again made notes on her pad and then asked,  
  
"Well, does he abide by the terms of his punishment? How does he react?"  
  
Sandy actually smiled thinking about it.  
  
"He abides. He's gone to school every day the rest of this week. He then comes straight home from school, and does his homework, and then makes dinner at night." Sandy told her.  
  
"Makes dinner?" Mrs. Dawson asked, "Is that part of his punishment? To cook your family dinner?"  
  
"No," Sandy told her, "He's not allowed to watch television or play video games or talk on the phone or hang out with his friends, so instead of sitting in his room at night, he makes dinner. If he didn't want to, we wouldn't force him. He seems to like to cook, and he's pretty good at it."  
  
Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Mrs. Dawson then asked, "I'd like to ask one more thing, Mr. Cohen. I'd like to ask you to describe Ryan."  
  
Describe Ryan? Sandy thought. Isn't that what I've been doing?  
  
"Well, he's a good kid," Sandy said, "who has had a real crummy life until now. He's got some problems. He's not perfect, but we're working with him. We're doing what we can to give him a good life with a real family. After years of abuse and neglect, he deserves that."  
  
Ok, thank you, Mr. Cohen," Mrs. Dawson said, putting her pad and pen back into her briefcase. "Now, I'd like to know if it's possible to meet with Mrs. Cohen, Seth and Ryan this afternoon."  
  
"I don't think that would be a problem," Sandy lied, "Kirsten is expecting my call after our meeting. I'm sure she would have no problem meeting you whereever you'd like. The boys get out of school at 3:00 o'clock. I know Ryan will be home, and I'm sure if I call Seth, he'll make sure he's home, too. Unless of course, he has a meeting with the literary magazine he belongs to, or a date with his girlfriend."  
  
Mrs. Dawson again smiled. Sandy was beginning to think it was a fake smile. "There's no need to call Seth. If he's busy, I can meet with him at a later time. Why don't you ask Mrs. Cohen to meet us at your house? I can talk to everyone else there."  
  
Sandy called Kirsten, and told her to meet them back at the house. Since Mrs. Dawson stood there and listened to the conversation, he couldn't tell her anything else. Kirsten promised to wrap up the meeting she had with the subcontractor and get home as quickly as possible. She also said she would try to call Seth and warn him about the visit, and to make sure Ryan was there. Great minds, Sandy thought as he and Mrs. Dawson headed out the office door.  
  
We can get through this, Sandy kept saying to himself, over and over as he drove home, with Mrs. Dawson following close behind. It's almost over. We can get through this. 


	23. Interviews at CasaCohen

Kirsten called Sandy on his cell phone shortly before he reached the gate to their neighborhood to tell him that she had tried to reach both boys, but neither was answering their phones, and no one had answered at home. She again promised that she would make her meeting with the subcontractor really quick and come right home. All Sandy could do was hope and give a silent prayer that Ryan did, in fact, come straight home from school. Sandy knew Ryan said he had the previous days, he just hoped today was no different.  
  
He was very relieved to hear both Ryan and Seth talking as he entered the house with Mrs. Dawson right behind him. It sounded like it was an interesting conversation the two of them were having.  
  
"Come on, man," he heard Seth saying, "I'm sure if you just ask Dad, I'm sure he'll say yes."  
  
"I don't know, Seth." He heard Ryan answer, "I don't think it's a good idea. It's only been three days, not two weeks."  
  
"Just ask. Come on. What's the worse thing that could happen?" Seth said, and then after a silent pause, said again,  
  
"Will you just ask Dad?"  
  
"Ask Dad what?" Sandy said as he walked into the kitchen, with Mrs. Dawson still right behind him.  
  
"Well, you see, Dad," Seth started, figuring he'd ask since he knew Ryan wouldn't, "Marissa and Ryan made up at school today...."  
  
"We didn't make up," Ryan interrupted, "We're friends."  
  
"Yeah, ok." Seth answered, "Anyway, we all want to go out to celebrate their friendship. Marissa asked Ryan out for tonight, and Summer wants to double date. So can we? All go out?"  
  
Sandy looked at Ryan first, who just shrugged his shoulders and then at Seth, who seemed more interested in his answer then Ryan was.  
  
"No, not tonight." Sandy said, hoping that would be the end of it.  
  
Seth, not one to take no for an answer, then asked, "Then tomorrow night?"  
  
"No. Ryan knows. Two weeks." Sandy said, before turning to Mrs. Dawson behind him and saying,  
  
"Boys, this is Mrs. Dawson. From Child Services. She's come to talk. To both of you."  
  
As Mrs. Dawson stepped forward, she couldn't help but notice the looks of fear and shock on both boys' faces.  
  
"Hello, Seth, Ryan," she said, "It's nice to meet you both. Seth, I'd like to talk to you first. Mr. Cohen, Ryan, if you don't mind, please excuse us."  
  
As Sandy and Ryan turned to head out the door to the patio, Mrs. Dawson noticed that Sandy put his arm around Ryan's shoulders as they walked out.  
  
After they walked up to the patio, Ryan turned to Sandy and asked,  
  
"Sandy, I thought you said she wasn't coming until next week. What happened?"  
  
"I don't know," Sandy said, with a shrug, "I guess this is the surprise visit we were originally told about. She called my office earlier today and was there by 2 o'clock. Kirsten's on her way home now to meet with Mrs. Dawson after Seth, and then you."  
  
"Why am I last?" Ryan asked.  
  
Again, Sandy could only shrug, before telling him,  
  
"I'm not exactly sure. I talked to my mother earlier today, and she said some social workers like to interview the subject first and then the family and friends. Others, like Mrs. Dawson apparently, like to collect all their information first before talking to the minor in question. Since Nana prefers to talk to the child first, she really couldn't explain why Mrs. Dawson does it the other way."  
  
"The subject? The minor in question? The child? Great. This is just. Great." Was all Ryan could mumble.  
  
"Ryan," Sandy said, "Just do or say whatever she wants. It will be ok."  
  
As Sandy and Ryan continued their conversation, they were unaware that they were being watched, closely.  
  
"Excuse me," Seth finally said to Mrs. Dawson, "but aren't you supposed to be asking me questions?"  
  
"Yes. In a minute." Mrs. Dawson responded, as she pulled out her notepad and pen from her briefcase. "Are your father and Ryan close?"  
  
Seth, shrugged, in much the same way Mrs. Dawson saw Mr. Cohen shrug,  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Does that bother you?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"No, why?" Seth answered.  
  
"Well," Mrs. Dawson said, "You were an only child for over sixteen years, and then suddenly your parents bring home another teenager. A troubled teenager who must require a great deal of time and attention. Doesn't that bother you?"  
  
Seth immediately knew he didn't like this lady. Not at all.  
  
"Ah, no." he told her, "First of all, I wouldn't call Ryan a troubled teenager. And second, he's not a small child or a puppy. He doesn't 'require' a lot of time or attention."  
  
"Well, have you ever found yourself afraid of Ryan?" Mrs. Dawson then asked.  
  
"Afraid?" Seth repeated.  
  
"Yes, afraid." Mrs. Dawson said, "Afraid he would hurt you. Loose his temper. Assault you."  
  
"No!" Seth said, "Ryan would never hurt me. Ever."  
  
"How do you know?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"Because I know Ryan," Seth snapped, "And obviously you don't, or you wouldn't ask such a retarded question." God, Seth thought, I really, really don't like this lady.  
  
"But he does have a history of violent behavior." Mrs. Dawson decided to point out.  
  
"Well, he's been in fights, I know that," Seth decided to clarify, "but given where he lived before moving here, I'm not surprised that he knows how to fight."  
  
"What do you know about his past?" Mrs. Dawson asked, noting in her pad Seth's responses to her questions about Ryan's temper.  
  
Again, Seth shrugged and said,  
  
"Not much. Ryan doesn't like to talk about it."  
  
"But what do you know?" Mrs. Dawson pushed.  
  
"I know he was abused. A lot. By a lot of different people. His mother, her many boyfriends, his brother. Maybe his father. I'm not sure about him. I know Ryan was young when his father went to jail." Seth told her, and then after pausing for a moment, continued with,  
  
"I also know that before Ryan came here, he had no one, and now he has us. And we don't abuse him."  
  
After making more notes in her pad, Mrs. Dawson then asked Seth,  
  
"How would you describe Ryan?"  
  
"Describe?" Seth again repeated Mrs. Dawson.  
  
"Yes," she explained, "If someone asked you about Ryan, what would you say?"  
  
Seth didn't pause, didn't take a minute to think of his answer before he told Mrs. Dawson,  
  
"He's my brother."  
  
"And you believe that, after only seven months?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Seth smirked and then snidely told her,  
  
"I knew it after one day."  
  
"How?" Mrs. Dawson asked, curious to see how this young man would answer.  
  
"Get to know Ryan, Mrs. Dawson." Seth said, "He's not some violent, troubled youth, or whatever else it says in that file of yours. And you'd know that, if you got to know him. There isn't anyone else I'd call my brother. Look, when he came here in August, it was because he had no one and needed a place to sleep. But he stayed because we needed him just as much as he needed us. I'm not afraid of him. I'm afraid FOR him. I don't want him to leave. He belongs here, with us."  
  
Mrs. Dawson nodded, made some notes on her pad and then asked Seth,  
  
"Well, what about all that has gone on recently, with one Oliver Trask? Why don't you tell me about that."  
  
"What do you want to know?" Seth asked. He had heard Ryan use that line before, and he liked the way it sounded.  
  
"I want to know what happened here." Mrs. Dawson told him, "I want to know what your involvement with Oliver Trask was."  
  
Seth leaned forward and looked at Mrs. Dawson before telling her,  
  
"Oliver was crazy. But no one knew it. Except Ryan. I guess, given what Ryan's been through in his life, he saw something that the rest of us didn't know. We're not used to emotionally unstable people. Plus, you've got to remember, Oliver wanted Ryan's girlfriend, and he was willing to go to the extreme to get Marissa. So Ryan saw more then the rest of us did."  
  
Mrs. Dawson then said,  
  
"But Ryan didn't say anything to you or to your parents."  
  
Seth was quick to point out to Mrs. Dawson,  
  
"Ryan didn't really go to my parents, because he's never had real parents to go to before. But he's trying. Since all of this happened, he's trying to open up more."  
  
"But what about you?" Mrs. Dawson asked, "If he's your brother, like you claim, then why didn't he come to you?"  
  
Seth looked down at his folded hands and then back up at Mrs. Dawson. It wasn't often that he didn't want to talk about something. And this, he definitely didn't want to talk about.  
  
"He did." Seth finally admitted, "And I failed him. He tried to talk to me. He tried to get me to understand, and I wasn't there for him. Believe me, I think about it. All the time. If I could go back, and do it all again, believe me, I would be there for him. I swore to him, and to myself, that I'd never let him down again. So, yeah, maybe the choices he made weren't the smartest, but we really didn't give him much of a choice. But you can't punish Ryan for that. You can't send him away."  
  
Mrs. Dawson again made some notes in her pad. Before she could continue with her questions, however, they were interrupted by who Mrs. Dawson assumed would have to be Kirsten Cohen.  
  
"Hello. Mrs. Dawson?" Kirsten said, extending her hand, "I'm Kirsten. Cohen." It was obvious to Mrs. Dawson that Mrs. Cohen was nervous.  
  
"Mrs. Cohen." Mrs. Dawson said, with a smile, "I'm glad you could make it home on such short notice. Seth and I are almost done here. Mr. Cohen and Ryan are outside. When we're done, I'll send Seth out, and then you and I can talk."  
  
After dismissing Kirsten, Mrs. Dawson watched her walk out the door to the patio towards her husband and Ryan. She also noticed that they both stood up when they saw Kirsten, and Mrs. Dawson further noticed that the first thing Kirsten did was hug Ryan and then her husband before they all sat down at the table.  
  
"Well, where were we?" she asked Seth after she was done watching the scene outside.  
  
"I was begging you not to take Ryan away." Seth answered.  
  
Mrs. Dawson smiled and laughed, a little.  
  
"Oh, is that what you call it?" she said to him,  
  
"Seriously, though, Seth. I'm not here because I want to take Ryan away. I'm here because Ryan and your parents were both told that there was to be no more trouble, and there has been. A great deal of trouble."  
  
"So, you've already decided? You're taking Ryan away?" Seth demanded, "So why bother talking to us? Why bother to find out about the truth?" Seth knew he was right to hate this lady. She was a bitch.  
  
"Seth," Mrs. Dawson said, with a smile, "I haven't decided anything, yet. I'm stating a fact. The fact is Ryan has again gotten into trouble, and we need to see what happened, and see to it that it doesn't happen again. And to make sure it doesn't happen again, I need to decide if it's best for Ryan to be here or another home."  
  
"Well, then, what can I say or do to convince you, promise you, swear to you that we won't fail Ryan again. We won't let anything like this happen again?" Seth asked, clearly frustrated that this woman didn't appear to be listening to him.  
  
"You did all you could, Seth," Mrs. Dawson said, again with a smile, "You answered my questions."  
  
"So Ryan can stay?" Seth asked, finally hopeful about something.  
  
But Mrs. Dawson just smiled and then said,  
  
"It's not that simple, Seth. But I thank you for answering my questions honestly. If you could, please tell your mother that I'd like to speak to her now."  
  
"Fine." Seth said, as he pushed back his chair to leave.  
  
"But you know," he continued before leaving, "If you take him away, he'll be back. On his eighteenth birthday, he'll be back. Even if you decide he can't live here, he's still part of this family." And with that, Seth left and joined his family on the patio.  
  
Mrs. Dawson watched as Kirsten, Sandy and Ryan all stood up when Seth approached. She also watched as Seth gave Ryan a hug before sitting down in a chair, and she watched as Kirsten rubbed Ryan's back and smiled at him before turning to come into the house.  
  
Mrs. Dawson smiled as Kirsten Cohen entered the kitchen.  
  
"Hello again, Mrs. Cohen. Please have a seat." She said. However, before Mrs. Dawson could start her interview of Mrs. Cohen, she noticed Ryan walking away from the table and towards another building next to the pool.  
  
"Where's Ryan going?" she asked.  
  
Kirsten turned towards the door to look before telling Mrs. Dawson,  
  
"To the pool house. It's his room. His pool house."  
  
"The boy lives in the pool house?" Mrs. Dawson exclaimed, "Why?"  
  
Kirsten calmly told her, "He likes it." But then began to talk more, and explain a whole lot faster when she noticed Mrs. Dawson frown and scribble furiously in her pad,  
  
"When Ryan first came here, he was a guest, and our guests were always welcomed to stay in the pool house. It has a kitchen, a full bathroom, and beautiful views of the ocean. It also provides privacy and some peace and quiet. After we decided that Ryan would be staying, we thought it was a good idea to let him stay there. He likes having a place of his own, something to finally call his, and he's still close enough to be here with the rest of the family."  
  
Kirsten had hoped that was an acceptable explanation for Mrs. Dawson, but it wasn't. Mrs. Dawson asked her,  
  
"Do you really think it's a good idea to keep him separate from the rest of you? Honestly, how can you keep an eye on him if he's in a separate building?"  
  
"He isn't separate from the rest of us. Not really. Look, Ryan has the pool house, Seth has the upstairs and Sandy and I have our own suite over there." Kirsten explained, pointing in the direction of her bedroom. Kirsten then continued with her justification of Ryan in the pool house,  
  
"And what you haven't noticed, and what Ryan still doesn't seem to realize is that we can keep better track of Ryan in the pool house then we can keep of Seth upstairs."  
  
A very skeptical Mrs. Dawson asked,  
  
"How so? It's a separate building."  
  
To answer that question, Kirsten stood up and began to point out what she thought was obvious,  
  
"Yes. But a building that we can see from this table, from that kitchen window, from the living room, and most importantly, from our bedroom at night. During the day, the maid opens his blinds so we can see when he's in there, and at night we can see his lights on. We know when he comes home, and we know when he goes to bed. If he were upstairs, I doubt we would be able to see him as much as we do now."  
  
Satisfied with her explanation, Kirsten sat back down at the table. She assumed that Mrs. Dawson would also be satisfied. But apparently she wasn't, as her next question to Kirsten was,  
  
"But he could still sneak out. How would you know?"  
  
"Seth could also sneak out, if he wanted to." Kirsten pointed out, "But I trust that he won't, the same way I trust that Ryan won't. And if they do, and if they are caught, then they are in trouble. They both know that."  
  
"Well, is that what happened with the breaking and entering?" Mrs. Dawson asked, "Did he sneak out of the pool house that night?"  
  
Kirsten stared at Mrs. Dawson for a moment, and then smiled as she told her,  
  
"Mrs. Dawson, if you're that concerned about Ryan staying in the pool house, then it's easy enough to fix. Tomorrow we can move all of his stuff upstairs. Redo one of the rooms up there, and he can call that his room. It really doesn't matter to us what or where he calls his room, as long as he calls this his home."  
  
"But he did sneak out to go break into the school that night, didn't he?" Mrs. Dawson asked, again.  
  
"Not the school, just the file room," Kirsten corrected, "But yes, he snuck out. And when he was caught, he was punished."  
  
Mrs. Dawson made another note in her pad, and then asked, "How so?"  
  
"He was grounded," Kirsten explained, "He lost all of his privileges, and he had to come straight home after school. He wasn't allowed to go any where or do anything or see anyone unless Sandy or I knew about it."  
  
"Well, it obviously didn't work. He still attacked that boy a few days later." Mrs. Dawson pointed out.  
  
Again Kirsten just smiled before answering,  
  
"There were extenuating circumstances. Ryan said Oliver provoked him, goaded him into attacking. I'm not excusing Ryan's behavior, or justifying it. I'm just explaining it. Ryan was wrong, and he knows that. And again, after the school called and told us what happened, we again talked to Ryan, and yelled at Ryan and again we grounded him."  
  
"But you didn't hit Ryan?" Mrs. Dawson asked the same question she had previously asked Mr. Cohen.  
  
"No, of course not. We'd never hit either one of them. Not ever." Kirsten responded. Sandy had told her outside that Mrs. Dawson had asked him that question, but she was still shocked to be asked.  
  
Mrs. Dawson made some more notes in her pad and then asked,  
  
"What about after Oliver's suicide? Was Ryan still grounded?"  
  
Yes, of course," Kirsten told her, "Ryan may have been right about Oliver being.... unstable, but he wasn't right in the way he handled it. Ryan was punished for his behavior. That wouldn't change because Oliver committed suicide. What happened to Oliver was sad. Very sad. But our concern was for Ryan, not Oliver."  
  
"Have you ever found yourself afraid of Ryan?" Mrs. Dawson then asked.  
  
Kirsten was, at first, taken back by Mrs. Dawson's question,  
  
"You mean physically afraid?" She asked her.  
  
"Yes. Physically afraid that he would hurt you or Seth." Mrs. Dawson said.  
  
Kirsten couldn't help but snicker, even laugh a little at the very thought.  
  
"No." she answered, "I have never been physically afraid of Ryan."  
  
"I fail to see what is so funny, Mrs. Cohen." Mrs. Dawson said, slightly annoyed.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Dawson," Kirsten said, "Its just. Well, you don't know Ryan. He's.... Look, for as big and tough as Ryan likes to pretend to be, I know that inside he's still very much a lost little boy who needs us. Who needs a family to love him unconditionally, parents to take care of him, and people he can trust and love. We are those people, that family. So no, it is not possible for me to be physically afraid of Ryan, any more then I'd be physically afraid of Seth. If you take him away from us now, you will destroy him. You'll also destroy us."  
  
When Kirsten noticed that Mrs. Dawson was making more notes in her pad, and did not immediately answer, she continued,  
  
"I'm not saying we're perfect. We're not. No parent is. But we try, with all our hearts. But because we're not perfect, mistakes were made. But we've learned from those mistakes. We've moved on, and we've all grown. Together. As a family."  
  
Mrs. Dawson nodded, made another notation in her pad and then said, "Describe Ryan."  
  
"Describe?" Kirsten only thought for a second before continuing, "Well, he's a good kid. He's quiet, sweet, thoughtful, funny. He has a huge heart. He's kind, considerate, helpful..."  
  
"You don't think he's troubled?" Mrs. Dawson questioned.  
  
Kirsten's first response was going to be "did I say troubled?" but decided sarcasm wouldn't be the best response to Mrs. Dawson. Instead she said,  
  
"No, nor do I think he's violent. He's had a lot to over come in his life, and personally, I'm surprised at how normal and well adjusted he is. Yes, he has some problems. He has a quick temper, sometimes, and he tends to act impulsively, on occasion, but we're working on that."  
  
"With Dr. Colefield?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Kirsten again smiled at Mrs. Dawson and said,  
  
"Yes. With Dr. Colefield. Trust me, Mrs. Dawson, we want what's best for Ryan."  
  
"And you believe you're what's best?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Kirsten nodded and told her,  
  
"Yes. Without a doubt."  
  
Mrs. Dawson put her pen down, smiled back at Kirsten and told her,  
  
"Thank you. That's all I have for right now. I'd like to speak to Ryan privately, if you don't mind."  
  
Again, Kirsten found herself biting her tongue, and not give Mrs. Dawson the sarcastic answer she was thinking. Instead she sweetly asked Mrs. Dawson,  
  
"When will we know your decision?"  
  
"I promise, Mrs. Cohen," Mrs. Dawson said, with a smile, "I'll render my report as quickly as possible. Now, could you please ask Ryan to come in."  
  
And with that, Kirsten was dismissed. As she walked out of the kitchen to go get Ryan, she couldn't help but think Sandy was right. Mrs. Dawson was cold. Definitely cold. And Seth was right. She also was a bitch. She also hoped that Ryan would be able to get through her interrogation without losing it. Some how though, she doubted it. 


	24. Ryan's Turn

Ryan walked into the kitchen, dreading this meeting. Seth mumbled nothing more then bitch when he walked out of the kitchen, and although Kirsten didn't make any such comments, she looked even more miserable then Seth. They all wished him "good luck", and Sandy reminded him to keep his cool and not get mad. Ryan just smiled, and said he'd try.  
  
Mrs. Dawson smiled as Ryan entered the kitchen,  
  
"Hi, Ryan. Have a seat." She said, "I want to thank you for being so patient. I promise, this shouldn't take too long. I just have a few questions, ok? Get to know you a little better"  
  
When Ryan just nodded, Mrs. Dawson continued,  
  
"Why don't we start with an easy one? Tell me about your family."  
  
"My family?" Ryan asked, "What more do you need to know? I mean, you've just spent this whole afternoon quizzing them."  
  
Mrs. Dawson nodded and made a note in her pad before telling him,  
  
"By family, you assumed I meant the Cohens?"  
  
"Didn't you?" Ryan asked. He was confused, everyone else referred to them as his family.  
  
"Well, when you think of family, do you always think of the Cohens?" she asked him.  
  
Ryan thought for a minute and then nodded,  
  
"Now I do." He answered, since it was the truth.  
  
Hoping for more of an explanation, Mrs. Dawson then asked,  
  
"Since when?"  
  
Ryan just shrugged first and then said,  
  
"Over time, but more so recently."  
  
"Why?" she asked him.  
  
Again, Ryan just shrugged first and then said,  
  
"I don't know how to explain it."  
  
Mrs. Dawson smiled at Ryan before asking him,  
  
"Well, what is it about being with the Cohens that is somehow different then being with the Atwoods?"  
  
Ryan couldn't help but smile a little, even snicker. It may not have sounded like a stupid question to Mrs. Dawson, but to Ryan, it was almost too easy.  
  
"Well," he said, "No Cohen has ever hit me, beaten me, or stolen money from me or talked me into committing any crimes. And I've never had to take care of any drunken, drugged out Cohen."  
  
When Mrs. Dawson didn't immediately respond to his answer, Ryan figured she wanted more of an explanation so he said,  
  
"When I got into trouble because of Trey, Dawn Atwood threw me out of her house. Well, first, she let her latest boyfriend punch me in the face a couple of times, and then physically throw me out of the house. And while I was gone, she packed up all her stuff, and some of mine, and took off, leaving me a note. A note."  
  
"And when I got in trouble because of Oliver, Sandy and Kirsten Cohen yelled and lectured and grounded me. Grounded me! They didn't throw me out of the house. They made me come home and stay in the house. And no one hit me, and no one left me. So, yeah, when I think of family, I tend to think of the Cohens."  
  
Ryan watched as Mrs. Dawson wrote more in her pad. He figured that answer was finally acceptable to her. Mrs. Dawson then asked him,  
  
"Ok, so if you think of them as family, why would you risk it all by breaking into the school, by assaulting another student? You knew that any trouble could result in this very investigation, in the possibility of being taken away, but you did it anyway. Why?"  
  
Ryan looked away and then down at his hands before saying,  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Ryan." Mrs. Dawson said, "I don't know isn't good enough. You claim that the Cohens are your family, but you can't tell me why you would be so willing to lose them because of some guy who was interested in your girlfriend. The Cohens couldn't be all that important to you."  
  
Ryan took a deep breath before answering. He wasn't going to let her get to him, make him lose his temper.  
  
"Mrs. Dawson," he finally said, "Oliver was more then some guy who was interested in Marissa. He was crazy. I knew it. I saw it, and I didn't want him around Marissa, or Seth for that matter. I know what a sick person is capable of doing, and I was right. And as sick and as twisted as this sounds, we were lucky that he only killed himself and no one else. Yeah, I know I was wrong in how I handled it, but not in why I handled it."  
  
"But why did you have to handle it?" Mrs. Dawson asked, "If the Cohens are your family, then why didn't you go to them? Turn to them before you got in over your head?"  
  
Ryan looked out the window towards the patio before telling her,  
  
"Believe me, Mrs. Dawson, I've asked myself that over and over. And I don't know. All I can say is that this is all new to me. I've never had any one to turn to before, who gave a damn. I've pretty much always taken care of myself. So I messed up. I didn't go to Sandy and Kirsten for help. I was wrong."  
  
"So what did the Cohens do to you?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"They didn't do anything to me." Ryan said, "I already told you, they've never hit me. I also told you that they lectured and they yelled and they grounded me."  
  
"And sent you to Dr. Colefield." Mrs. Dawson added.  
  
Ryan just nodded, and again looked towards the patio.  
  
"Well," Mrs. Dawson continued, "What about Dr. Colefield?"  
  
"What about her?" Ryan said, before correcting himself, "I mean, what do you want to know about her?"  
  
Mrs. Dawson smiled and said,  
  
"Tell me, who's idea was it for you to see her?"  
  
"Sandy and Kirsten's." Ryan answered.  
  
"And..." Mrs. Dawson said, wanting more.  
  
"And, I agreed to go. And no, I wasn't happy about it, at first. And I figured they thought I was crazy. And that there was something wrong with me. But, that wasn't it." Ryan told her.  
  
Mrs. Dawson then said, "So, why did they want you to see Dr. Colefield?"  
  
"Like I said, all of this is new to me." Ryan answered, "Everything was going pretty good until Oliver came. I thought I was handling it all, learning how to fit in. But obviously, I wasn't so they decided it would be for the best if I talked to someone, and you know, learned how to live here, with a real family."  
  
"And how's it going?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Ryan shrugged before answering,  
  
"It's going good, I guess. I mean, it's therapy. I don't know what more I can say about it."  
  
Mrs. Dawson again nodded, made another note in her pad and then asked,  
  
"So, if you continue going to therapy with Dr. Colefield, do you think you'll be able to get along, without any more trouble?"  
  
"I don't know." Ryan started, "I think so. I'm trying. They told me to try, and I'm trying. I.... Look, I know I'm not perfect, but the Cohens know it, too. And they don't care. I mean, they care, but they accept me anyway. So, if they tell me to go to therapy, to talk, to stay out of trouble, I'm going to try."  
  
"And are you trying now?" Mrs. Dawson asked him.  
  
Ryan nodded and told her,  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?" Mrs. Dawson asked, "Did they tell you to try? To cooperate?"  
  
Ryan again nodded before saying,  
  
"Yes. If I want to stay here."  
  
"So, obviously you want to stay here." Mrs. Dawson noted.  
  
Again Ryan nodded and again said, "Yes." And after a pause asked,  
  
"So what happens now?" Ryan was getting really tired. He was tired of talking and explaining and justifying, and he was definitely tired of Mrs. Dawson.  
  
Mrs. Dawson put her pen down and looked at Ryan. She smiled and then began to explain,  
  
"Well, after I'm finished here, I'll review all of the information in your file. Go over everything that's been said, by everyone. Review the reports I have, your school records, and so forth. I've already looked into some of the group homes that have availability and........."  
  
"Available group homes?" Ryan interrupted. "But. So, you've already decided? Then why say review what we said? You're not going to listen. You're not listening to anything we've said. You've already decided."  
  
"I didn't say that." Mrs. Dawson tried to explain, "All I'm trying to say...."  
  
"I know what you're saying!" Ryan shouted, "Son of a ......"  
  
Ryan didn't finish. He quickly got up from the table, and headed for the back door. He attempted to ignore Sandy, Kirsten and Seth as he stormed out of the kitchen and tried to head for the pool house. Sandy quickly stopped him.  
  
"What..." Sandy said, "Ryan, what's the matter? Hey, where are you going?"  
  
"Apparently I'm leaving!" Ryan shouted.  
  
Mrs. Dawson appeared from the kitchen to tell him,  
  
"Ryan, that is not what I said."  
  
"Yeah, well, that's what I heard!" Ryan shouted back at her. He was done. He tried. For all the good it did, he tried. He talked to her, answered her questions, and the whole time she knew, he wasn't going to be allowed to stay with the Cohens. He felt his whole body shaking as he again tried to take off for the pool house.  
  
"Ryan..." he heard Sandy say as he turned to leave. But he didn't stop. Not until he heard Sandy shout,  
  
"RYAN! Stop! Now!"  
  
With that, Ryan stopped. Because Sandy told him to, he stopped, and walked back towards them.  
  
"What is going on here?" Sandy asked. He was obviously shaken by Ryan's out burst. Ryan could see that. He could also see by looking at Kirsten and Seth that they were also visibly upset.  
  
"She said she was looking into available group homes!" Ryan told them, 'She's not going to listen. To me or you or any of us. She's already decided!"  
  
"Ryan," Sandy said, calmly, "You need to settle down, lower your voice and come sit down."  
  
"But Sandy..." Ryan started to say, but stopped when he saw that look in Sandy's eyes. That one that says 'because I said so.'  
  
"Ryan," he heard Mrs. Dawson say, "I still have a few more questions to ask you."  
  
It had been a really long time since Ryan really, truly wanted to hit a woman. He knew though that he couldn't and wouldn't. But he could at least think it.  
  
He was still thinking about it when he suddenly felt Kirsten's arm around his shoulder. He hadn't even realized she had walked up to him.  
  
"What happened?" she asked Ryan but turned to Mrs. Dawson when she started to talk,  
  
"I was trying to explain to Ryan that after interviewing everyone, and looking into his home life here, as well as other alternatives, like group homes, I would then decide what would be the best for Ryan. I never said any decision had been made."  
  
Ryan looked down at his feet, and then said,  
  
"I'm sorry. It's just. You started talking about available group homes. You never said anything about my life here, and it sounded like you had already decided. I'm sorry."  
  
"Can we just continue?" Kirsten asked, "What other questions do you have? Can you ask them with all of us together?"  
  
"I'd rather talk to Ryan alone." Mrs. Dawson replied.  
  
As Ryan started to walk back to the kitchen, Mrs. Dawson noticed Mr. Cohen point at Ryan and give him a look. Ryan simply nodded before lowing his head and reentering the kitchen. Obviously, Ryan understood some unspoken lecture he was getting from Sandy.  
  
After Ryan returned to the kitchen, he waited for Mrs. Dawson to sit back down before telling her,  
  
"I'm sorry. Really. I shouldn't have lost it. I just. This has been really hard, and I'm sorry."  
  
"Does that happen a lot?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"What, lose my temper?" Ryan asked, and when Mrs. Dawson nodded, he continued,  
  
"I doubt you'll believe me after this, but I actually lose it less now then I used to. I know that must seem hard for you to believe, but it's true."  
  
Ryan didn't know why he was explaining it to Mrs. Dawson. If she hadn't already made up her mind before his outburst, then she certainly had after. He figured all he could do now was try to convince her that he wasn't a totally violent psycho. At least if he could convince her of that then he still had a shot at a group home, and not juvie.  
  
Mrs. Dawson again nodded, before making more notes in her pad.  
  
"And is that usually how Sandy and Kirsten handle it? Handle you?" She asked.  
  
"Handle me?" Ryan repeated.  
  
"When you lose your temper, can Sandy or Kirsten or even Seth help you calm down?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"Yes." Ryan told her, "They're actually the reason my temper isn't as bad as it used to be. They know how to help me diffuse it, I guess."  
  
Mrs. Dawson asked,  
  
"Did Dr. Colefield teach them how to help you?"  
  
Ryan shook his head and told her,  
  
"No. They always just knew. They get me, I guess. Usually."  
  
Mrs. Dawson made more notes in her pad and then asked,  
  
"What was that look about?"  
  
Ryan wasn't sure what she was talking about so he asked her,  
  
"What look?"  
  
"The one you got from Sandy," She told him, "Before you came back into the kitchen."  
  
"Oh, that," Ryan explained, "That was Sandy's 'you and I are going to talk about this later, and you have a lot of explaining to do' look."  
  
"I take it you've seen that look before." Mrs. Dawson said, with a little laugh.  
  
Ryan was a little surprised, taken back that Mrs. Dawson would actually laugh. She almost, for one split second, seemed almost nice, so he told her,  
  
"Um, yeah, once or twice before."  
  
"Ok." Mrs. Dawson said, with a smile before continuing,  
  
"Now, how come no one could help you with your temper with Oliver?"  
  
Ryan thought about it for a minute and said,  
  
"I think, if Seth were there, he may have been able to help. I don't know, maybe stop it. But remember, Oliver came up to me when I was alone, and goaded me. I didn't go looking for Oliver."  
  
"So it's Oliver's fault you attacked him?" Mrs. Dawson asked him.  
  
"No. It was my fault." Ryan said, "I lost my temper. I should have walked away. I should have gone to Sandy and Kirsten. There are so many other things I could have and should have done. That's another reason I'm seeing Dr. Colefield."  
  
"I just." Ryan continued, "I don't want to leave here. I like it here. The Cohens. They're a real family. I've never had that before, and I like it. I'll try harder. I'm trying harder. Please understand that."  
  
"One last thing, Ryan." Mrs. Dawson said, "How come you can't go out tonight or tomorrow night or for the next two weeks?"  
  
"Um. I. Ah." Ryan stumbled out.  
  
"I'm grounded." He finally said.  
  
"Again or still?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Damn, Ryan thought, obviously she's not going to believe I'm trying. Not now.  
  
"Again." He explained, "I, um. When I found out about all of this. About you. I got kind of...upset. And I cut school."  
  
"And..." Mrs. Dawson said.  
  
Ryan sighed, and looked out towards the patio again, only to find Sandy staring back at him.  
  
"When Sandy found out," Ryan explained, "he lectured and yelled again. And I was grounded again. And then he made me tell Kirsten."  
  
"And...." Mrs. Dawson again said.  
  
"And," Ryan continued, "She lectured and yelled. But I was already grounded."  
  
Mrs. Dawson nodded, smiled and then asked,  
  
"Are you going to cut school again?"  
  
Ryan looked out to patio at both Sandy and Kirsten and then looked at Mrs. Dawson and said,  
  
"No."  
  
"Thank you, Ryan. That's all I have for right now." Mrs. Dawson said, as she put her notepad and pen back into her briefcase.  
  
Mrs. Dawson told the Cohens and Ryan that she would render her decision shortly, and would let them know as soon as possible. Since none of them thought any of their interviews went particularly well, no one was very anxious to see her report.  
  
As Mrs. Dawson left the Cohen's house, she picked up her telephone. She needed to check something first before she could put into words what she already knew in her head. 


	25. The End

As Heidi Dawson pulled away from the Cohen's house, she picked up her cell phone, and dialed the number she needed.  
  
"Hello, this is Heidi Dawson, for Janet Colefield, please." She told the receptionist who answered the phone.  
  
"Well, since you're calling, is it safe to assume that you've finally met with the Cohens?" Janet Colefield asked her old friend.  
  
Heidi laughed before telling her,  
  
"Yes, you can assume that. I've just left their house after meeting with all of them, including Ryan."  
  
"And how did it go?" Janet asked.  
  
Instead of answering that question, Heidi had one of her own,  
  
"Are they always like that?" she asked.  
  
"Like what, Heidi?" Janet asked, "I wasn't part of your meeting."  
  
Heidi Dawson thought about it for a minute before telling her friend,  
  
"Well, they're definitely fiercely loyal and very protective of each other. I can see that."  
  
Janet laughed,  
  
"I told you so," and after a pause asked,  
  
"Well, did you get him to loose his temper?"  
  
Heidi admitted,  
  
"Actually, yes, I did."  
  
"And," Janet asked, "How did it go? Did you see what you wanted?"  
  
"Well, I must say," Heidi told her, "he really does have a quick temper, but you're right, the Cohens certainly seem to know how to bring it back under control pretty quickly."  
  
"I told you, Heidi, these are good people." Janet told her.  
  
"I just find it a little hard to believe that there could be such a bond after only seven months." Heidi said. She had seen it before in other families, but not usually. It usually was an act, not really genuine love and affection. Not in only seven months. And certainly not with a teenager, not one with a history like Ryan's. But her friend reassured her,  
  
"I thought the same thing, at first. But there is." Janet told her, "They love that kid, and Ryan loves them."  
  
"Well," Janet continued, "When are you going to tell them?"  
  
"Tomorrow," Heidi promised, "I'll type up the report tonight and drop it off to them tomorrow."  
  
"Make sure you do. Please," Janet told her, "I'm meeting with Ryan on Monday, and I'm very curious to see what he has to say."  
  
Heidi laughed at the pleading tone in her old friend's voice,  
  
"It's killing you not to be able to say anything, isn't it?" she asked.  
  
"You know it is." Janet told her, "Honestly though, Heidi, I really believe that Ryan is a good kid. He's already been through so much, and he's finally found some good in his life. I just hope you weren't too much of a, well, a..."  
  
"A bitch?" her friend answered for her, "No more than usual. Look, I know what you said and what you believe. But I couldn't go on your word alone. I still had a job to do. I still had to see it for myself."  
  
Dr. Janet Colefield smiled as she hung up the phone with her friend. She didn't doubt for one minute that Heidi Dawson would have thoroughly investigated the entire situation, and looked at every possible detail. It was her job, and one that her friend took very seriously. A little too seriously in Janet Colefield's professional opinion. But at least it would be Heidi Dawson, of the Department of Child Services, who would render the professional opinion that the Cohens retain custody of Ryan, even if it was Janet's idea. It would, however, remain an idea that no one would ever know about. That would be unprofessional.  
  
See, Mr. Cohen, Janet Colefield chuckled to herself, sometimes it is really good to have contacts in Child Services.  
  
Ryan was alone in the pool house late Saturday morning when he heard a knock at his door. He immediately felt sick to his stomach when he opened it to find Mrs. Dawson standing there.  
  
"So this is your pool house." She said as she walked in, "It's nice. Do you like it?"  
  
"Yeah, it's alright" Ryan said, his eyes locked on the white envelope Mrs. Dawson had in her hand. This is it, he thought. They all thought it would take more like a week for Mrs. Dawson to render her decision, giving him more time to prepare for his goodbyes.  
  
"Where's the rest of your family?" Mrs. Dawson asked him, "I only saw the maid."  
  
"Um, Seth's girlfriend dragged him to Fashion Island, Kirsten had some meeting at the Newport Group with her father, and Sandy had to run up to the Lighthouse, the restaurant he owns." Ryan told her, "I'm supposed to meet him there at 11 o'clock. But I could call him, or should I pack first?"  
  
"No, neither." Mrs. Dawson told him, "And you're here because....."  
  
"I'm grounded, remember." Ryan finished for her.  
  
"That's right." She said, "So, how did your talk go?"  
  
"Talk?" Ryan asked.  
  
"Yes, talk. With Sandy. You know, the look. Didn't you talk?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
Ryan nodded when he realized what she was talking about,  
  
"Oh, yeah. That. Yeah, we talked."  
  
"And how was it?" Mrs. Dawson asked.  
  
"Same as usual," Ryan told her, "Long. Lawyers like to talk."  
  
Mrs. Dawson laughed first before telling him,  
  
"Yeah, my son says the same thing about Social Workers. I really would have liked to meet with the whole family this morning, but I guess I should have called first. Well, look, I trust that you will give this letter to your parents when they come home, right?"  
  
Ryan only nodded, and took the letter from Mrs. Dawson. He didn't really understand exactly what Mrs. Dawson was saying. She hadn't explained to him when he would be leaving, or where he was going. He was still staring at the letter when he finally asked,  
  
"So, um, when should I start packing?"  
  
"My guess, Ryan," Mrs. Dawson told him, "would be when you want to move out of the pool house and into your home. But that decision is between you and your parents."  
  
As Ryan continued to stare blankly at her, Mrs. Dawson finally said to him,  
  
"Good bye, Ryan. It was nice meeting you. I hope I don't have to see you ever again."  
  
And with that, Heidi Dawson left the pool house.  
  
Sandy came home a few hours later. Ryan hadn't met him at the Lighthouse like he was supposed to, and he wasn't answering his phone. Sandy found him sitting on the bed in the pool house, holding onto some letter. Ryan just handed the letter to Sandy, without saying a word.  
  
Sandy immediately recognized it as the official letter from the Department of Child Services. In the letter, Mrs. Dawson outlined the conditions in which Ryan would be allowed to stay with the Cohens. There were only two. Ryan had to continue to see Dr. Colefield for as long as she deemed necessary, and he had to stay out of trouble. Besides that, Mrs. Dawson closed her file.  
  
Ryan Atwood was home. 


	26. The Epilogue

It wasn't until Sandy sat down next to Ryan that Ryan was finally able to wrap his head around everything. He wasn't leaving. He was staying. Somehow he didn't blow the best thing that ever happened to him. The Cohens were his family, and sitting next to him was the man who wanted to be his father. This was the father who promised that everything would be okay, and he was right.  
  
It was this father who very gently told Ryan about his biological mother's most recent whereabouts, and it was also this father who understood when Ryan explained that he wasn't ready to proceed with the adoption, not right now. Not that he didn't want to be a part of their family. Just the opposite. Knowing that Dawn was with an old boyfriend in Austin was enough for Ryan. They survived the nightmares of both Oliver and the Child Services investigation as a family, and Ryan was worried about what Dawn might do when she heard about the adoption. He knew she'd most likely try to cause trouble, and Ryan really just wanted to enjoy some stress free time with his family. Sandy said he understood, and he did, since he also wanted nothing more then for all of them to enjoy some stress free Cohen family time. But Sandy told Ryan he'd only give it a month before moving ahead with the adoption. Ryan belonged with their family, and Sandy was going to do everything in his power to ensure that would forever be the case. Sandy knew Ryan was afraid to face Dawn, but he also knew he would be the one who handled Dawn and whatever stunts she was willing to pull. Sandy would make damn sure that Dawn would never again be Ryan's problem since legally, as well as emotionally, she would no longer be Ryan's mother.  
  
And speaking of mothers, Sandy quickly reminded Ryan that they needed to call Kirsten as soon as possible, or they would both be in big trouble. They also needed to call Seth, or spend the rest of the night, weekend and possibly the year listening to him complain. It was only after Sandy mentioned Kirsten and Seth, and their possible reactions that Ryan was finally able to relax, smile and even laugh.  
  
Kirsten dropped everything as soon as Sandy called. She hung up so fast that Sandy didn't even get a chance to tell her it was good news. All she knew was that they received Mrs. Dawson's decision, and she wanted to rush home to comfort Ryan and promise him that they would continue to fight for him. She told Caleb that she had to go, and for once, he didn't argue. He didn't understand why Ryan was so important to his daughter, but he obviously was, so Caleb had no choice but to accept the kid as his grandson. He didn't like it, but he'd try to accept it.  
  
When Kirsten got home, she found Ryan and Sandy sitting by the pool. They were talking and laughing. They both stopped as soon as they saw her. She looked sad and scared and very, very confused. Ryan thought she would understand as soon as he said, "here, Mom, this is for you." as he handed her Mrs. Dawson's letter, but she still didn't get it. Until she read the letter, and then she started to cry. And of all the possible reactions Ryan had expected from Kirsten, crying wasn't one of them. She just stood there as tears quietly rolled down her face, unable to say anything at first. The idea that Kirsten would actually cry over him scared Ryan, and not knowing what else to do, he apologized. Over and over again, until Kirsten started to laugh and warned him that if he apologized again, she'd give him something to be sorry about. Then she hugged him and told him that she loved him. And for once, Ryan hugged her back, and told her that he loved her, too.  
  
They weren't able to get through to Seth. Either he didn't have his cell phone on him, or he turned it off, which meant they would have to wait until Summer was tired of shopping at Fashion Island. They all knew that could take a while. While they waited, Sandy said it would be okay if Ryan wanted to call Marissa and give her the news.  
  
She also started to cry when Ryan told her, but that was at least a reaction Ryan had come to expect from Marissa. Ryan kept his conversation with her short. He knew that now that he was staying in Newport, she would push for more from him. She'd never be happy as just friends, but friends was all Ryan was willing to be for now. Maybe some day they could be more, but not right now.  
  
After Ryan hung up with Marissa, he rejoined Sandy and Kirsten out by the patio. Rosa had brought out some ice tea and sandwiches for them, and he was really enjoying spending some time with them. He knew Seth would tease him about sucking up to the 'rents' again, but he didn't care. Seth had almost seventeen years of alone time with Sandy and Kirsten, and now Ryan wanted his turn, not that he'd ever admit it. What teenager would ever admit to wanting to spend time with his parents?  
  
His parents. It still sounded weird to Ryan. He liked it, but he doubted he'd ever really be totally comfortable with it. He also doubted he'd ever be able to bring himself to calling them "Mom" and "Dad," except maybe in passing, or joking. Having a Mom and a Dad to most people was a good thing, but not to Ryan. A Mom was someone who had too much to drink or one too many drugs, who beat on you or let some guy do it for her. She was someone who threw you out of her house, abandoned you. And a Dad was no better. He was a criminal, a drunk and a child abuser, too. But having a Kirsten and a Sandy, that was a good thing. They were parents, and having parents was a good thing. That meant they cared, they loved you, and would do anything for you. Maybe it didn't make complete sense, but it made enough sense to Ryan that he was happy. Finally happy.  
  
Seth and Summer came home an hour later. Ryan, Kirsten and Sandy were still on the patio, talking. Since it was rare to see Ryan sitting around talking to the parents, Seth immediately knew that something was up. He had hoped that Ryan was just in trouble, again.  
  
Ryan did his best to look very solemn as he told Seth that Mrs. Dawson had stopped by and left her decision. It was a cruel joke, but Ryan couldn't resist. As he handed Seth the letter, Sandy and Kirsten had to turn away. Otherwise, they'd both start to laugh, and give it away. After Seth read the letter, he told his "little" brother that this now meant that he had all the time in the world to plot his revenge, and Ryan should be afraid, very afraid. Ryan reminded him that he wasn't Seth's little brother, but slightly younger brother, and a slightly younger brother who could kick his ass. They both started to laugh when Kirsten warned them to play nice.  
  
Summer, not usually one to be sentimental, promised Ryan that she wouldn't call him Chino anymore. She thought Newport sounded better. And just like he did back in August, Seth again told Ryan that he was a Cohen now. This time, though, it meant more to Ryan. It was no longer a joke. It was a family, and it was his family. 


End file.
